


It's just another message

by KujaTribal



Category: Takarazuka Revue RPF
Genre: F/F, Kurenai 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-01
Updated: 2012-11-04
Packaged: 2017-11-15 10:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 58,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/526313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KujaTribal/pseuds/KujaTribal





	1. Welcome to the Crimson Five

Still bored and daydreaming, the young woman stared on her script and seemed much more uninterested than before and looked to her side sometime in the process. Not only was it way, way too hot inside here, everyone felt and knew that nobody really wanted or could rehears in this heat. Usually she was a concentrated and busy human, even if she was shy and pulled back at first until she got used to the people she worked with. But even she with all her motivation she usually had just wanted that day to end. It was monotonous and their Top Star became a bit lazy due to the weather. It was not even her own Top Star.  
“Hey”, she heard from her side and felt the surface of a water bottle touch the skin of her upper arm. She flinched a bit before looking up and smiling, taking the bottle.  
“Thank you”, she answered as the other woman sat down beside her. She already knew the brown-haired woman for a while, had accompanied her through many plays and valued her as one of her closer friends who she didn’t have very many of. She took a sip out of the bottle, looked over to the Top Star who was still discussing the scene over and over again. They all knew the day was actually over so they just waited to be released by said Top Star. The weather, the unmotivated actresses and everything about this day just stopped them from making any progress and therefore impossible to rehears.  
“I don’t think we will do something productive anymore today”, the older woman said beside her and she had to grin a bit. Some way to read her mind. Yet she calmed her voice so she wouldn’t interrupt the still rehearsing actresses.  
“I don’t think so either.” She turned a bit on her spot to be in a more comfortable position. It was fascinating how hard the Top tried to get anything done. “I’m a bit jealous that they still try. It’s impressive.”  
The woman at her side grinned widely and pushed her elbow in her side.  
“I think you’re more impressed by Todoroki herself, aren’t you?”  
The younger one felt herself blushing and stared at her friend while she became smaller on her spot.  
“D-don’t say something like that. I… I just look up to her. That’s all.”  
Kisaragi Ren, Renta for short, just continued grinning and leaned over to her, clearly held back a laugh. The older woman was just one year above her, still she was treated by her like a child. Well it was not only their difference by age, Renta seemed so much taller than her even though they just had the high to be Otokoyaku. She could handle much higher heels and was easier to open up to other people than the younger woman. Yet so much connected them, not to mention that their birthdays were so close together.  
“Well I can tell you have a crush on her. Who hasn’t?”, Renta laughed and grinned while looking over to Todoroki once more. “She has talent.”  
Once more Mikkii smiled, took another sip. Tenju Mitsuki was her stagename, yet she preferred to be called Mikkii most of the time. Renta took the words out of her mouth. Todoroki was talented but it was not like she would ever tell her that. The Hoshigumi-actress was way too shy and had way too much respect for the older women to talk to them properly. She wasn’t the person to open up to others so easily.  
“Well then. Let’s stop for today”, Todoroki suddenly said and cut the girl’s train of thoughts. She almost let her script and her bottle fall down in the process. With a smile on her lips, the Senka-Star turned around and smiled over to the other girls in the room. That kind of smile that let one’s knees get weak and Fangirls faint. Mikkii knew why the actress was so popular. She wasn’t only beautiful, gorgeous even, she had a kind character and an even kinder heart, just had this calming aura around her. The younger Hoshigumi-actresses jumped up and bowed down deep with a loud ‘thank you for today’s work’. The cast was merely made out of some “Hoshigumi-babies”, like Todoroki called them once, and two Senkas. The Top Star laughed a bit and looked over to Renta and Mikkii. It seemed the two of them were especially loud.  
“Just keep that enthusiasm until tomorrow”, she said and said Hoshigumis became smaller on their spot while they blushed a little. They smiled and looked at each other before they started packing up their stuff. They knew they could be a bit embarrassing at some time, yet everyone could deal with it.  
Quickly they packed up their stuff and Mikkii noticed Todoroki leaving first. She already had come to rehearsals with a neutral to bad mood and someone gossiped that something was wrong in the directory. Easy to say that the Senka-Star couldn’t set her mind on anything else.  
“Mikkii… Hey!” Renta snapped in front of her nose and the younger one almost fell back. “Stop daydreaming already. We wanted to go have dinner and Shimon surely waits for us.”  
Shimon Yuriya was one Mikkii’s classmate and now a part of Tsukigumi and up to this day a very good friend of hers. Renta was really into the way taller actress, even if she couldn’t tell why. They spent a lot of time together, talked a lot and behaved a lot alike. Mikkii smiled a bit.  
“I’m coming. I just… need to pack the rest of my stuff. Just go ahead.”  
“Then I’ll wait downstairs for you?”  
“Nice trick, Renta.” The younger one grinned widely. “We still need to stretch. Or you will whine on about how much your muscles hurt.”  
Renta rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.  
“Yeah I know. I’ll just bring my stuff downstairs and wait for you in front of the room then, okay?”  
“Fine. And if you see Shimon there, tell her we will come to her home. I don’t know how long this will take. It’s still hot in here and I doubt that it’s cooler in the other one. And I would like to change before we go having dinner.”  
Renta simply nodded, took her felt 50 bags and her mat over her shoulder before she left the room and Mikkii started searching for her stuff. Somehow she had managed to have them scattered all across the room and decided just to force it inside one of her bags and left the room as well. While she made her way out she put on her jacket and pulled up the sleeves. Just when she stood in the door she noticed that her bottle was still missing, so she turned and took another look around.  
“Oh come on…”, she whispered to herself and put down her bag, got to her knees and searched for the bottle under the bank, saw it just on the other side of it and halfway lay on the floor instead of just taking a step over the bank to pick it up. She reached through the hole and she then noticed that her arm was just a few inches too short to reach the bottle. Still she somehow reached it and pulled it out, sat on the floor and grinned proudly before putting it away. Still kind of grinning she finally left the room, made her way through the hallway and pulled down her sleeves just when she walked a few feet. No matter how hot it was inside the halls, the rehearsal room or outside, the hallways were freezing cold. Some of the actresses used that to flee from the heat. Yet sometimes it was not actually that positive for rehearsing since a few of the actresses liked to just go on gossiping instead of rehearsing properly. Well however they pleased. It was their Kumichou’s or their Top Star’s duty to make sure the play was ready in time.  
Just as she was downstairs, she already saw Shimon standing in the hallway, walked over to her and smiled widely.  
“I thought you would never come down here again.”  
“I needed to search for my stuff”, Mikkii answered and smiled while her friend accompanied her to the lockers where she put in her bags and threw the mat over her shoulder. “Did Renta see you?”  
“No not really. I didn’t see her at all. I thought she was with you. She told me that she wanted to talk to you about something yesterday or something.”  
“What? She didn’t talk to me about anything. Did she say what?”  
“No. You have to go ask her yourself.”  
The smaller actress sighed a bit, shook her head and smiled a bit.  
“Fine. Whatever. We will still take a while. Is it okay for you if we meet up at your home? I still need to stretch and take a shower.”  
“Sure. Just don’t take too long. I don’t want to risk get bitten again by Renta in the morning.”  
Mikkii simply laughed. Shimon lived really close to the theatre, so it was only naturally that the friends spent a lot of time at her place, often slept there if the day became long and they didn’t want to drive all the way home.  
“I’ll make her hurry.”  
The taller actress grinned and walked out of the theatre and Mikkii waved before she made her way back. The whole hallway was filled with Siennes chatting, the sound of footsteps of rehearsing women and some laughter as well as music, all escaping the heat of the rehearsal halls. She yawned a bit, just hoped that she would find Renta soon so they could get dinner. She was really hungry. She went up the stairs, focusing on the floor and ignoring the loud voices in the hallways. All she needed to do was walking through the hallway and going into the last room on the left…  
“Mikkii! Hey! Wait up a sec!”  
The irritated woman turned on her heel, blinked in confusion and searched for the voices that had called out to her. She knew those voices. Still a bit dumbfounded she looked over to the small group that also Renta was with. She recognized Azusa Ichijou, Shiiran, who stood right beside Renta. At her side in all her glory and high Yuzuru Kurenai, Beni for short, in her typical deep red shirt. The last one of the four was Miya Rurika, called Miya or Miyacchi. All of them older than Mikkii and still very kind and nice people. Sometimes they could be total idiots but that made them loveable and the young woman liked them a lot, looked up to them. Yet because they were older she didn’t have much contact to them aside from rehearsals, Renta excluded. Mikkii threw a quick gaze down the hallway, checked if it was really her they called but since she was the only person around she walked over to them. She couldn’t say no. Maybe they needed her to take over a small part of a scene or something. So more or less quickly she walked over to them and just as she got close, the women all started talking at the same time, so she was unable to tell what exactly they wanted from her. Yet Miyacchi’s sweeping gestures told her to put away the mat she still had on her and stand by their side. This or at least something alike. Miya out of all the people was the one who was most open up to new people, simply loved to talk and gossip and when she did, she used hands and feet to do so as well and to make a point. She was the contrast to her classmate Shiiran, who was open, just not as much and was much more reserved than Miyacchi. The two of them were inseparable and always introduced themselves as “AzuRuri”. They formed a combo and somehow hoped to become the next “OsaAsa” or something. Mikkii really had no clue if they were successful in doing so but they definitely had fun doing so. She didn’t even say a word when Miyacchi walked over to her, lay her hand on her shoulder.  
“You need to help us out for a second”, she started, turned the still dumbfounded Mikkii on the spot and she looked at one of the “Aqua 5”-posters that hang in the hallway. “We want to try out something. Could you imitate Kaname’s pose? We need another man.”  
Mikkii felt like a deer who stood in the light. She had no real idea what exactly it was the others wanted from her but Miyacchi seemed totally serious while she pointed over to the poster before pulling the younger actress over and let her stand by her side. She wasn’t even able to ask who got this really whacky idea but maybe it was fun. Plus it was not that she really could ask about it. Beni was known for having quite a lot of ideas that were out of the normal thinking-box and had the ability to get other people enthusiastic about it as well. She was fascinating, funny and beautiful. No wonder she had so many fans. Plus she could be really cute if she really wanted to. A bit clumsy, Mikkii stood on the other end of the line while Miyacchi, Beni and Shiiran stared into the reflection in the big window. Renta seemed to be just fine. When Beni gave the signal, the all jumped into the pose, that Mikkii just saw on the poster, stayed frozen for a few seconds before the four other women burst out into laughs while Mikkii simply put on a smile.  
“I told you we would look great”, Beni said and grinned proudly. “We could totally pull off that Aqua 5 thing.”  
Before the youngest could even react, Miyacchi had her arm around her shoulder, pulled her close and she saw Shiiran doing the same thing to Renta before Beni pulled the four of them closer in the process and laying her arms around Miyacchi and Shiiran. Mikkii could feel the oldest woman’s hand on her back.  
“So we’re something like the modern Aqua 5?”, Shiiran asked and looked over to Miya. Mikkii’s eyes jumped from Shiiran to Miyacchi, over to Beni and back to Renta.  
“Don’t be silly”, Miya said and grinned a bit. “We’re not Aqua 5. They just called it like that because it was called after Mizu Natsuki.”  
“What does Mizu have to do with anything?”  
“She was Aqua 5’s leader. And Mizu means water.”  
“Oh… so…” Shiiran crooked her eyebrows. “So Beni chooses a name for us?”  
Confused, Mikkii pulled back one of her hair strands and raised her eyebrows a bit. Was she about to get pulled into something? Or was that a joke? Well they usually did these kind during rehearsals, pretended and imaged different settings and possibilities they could have. Beni just stared into the reflection.  
“Well…”, she started. “We’re five people. So I suppose we should stick with the five.”  
Mikkii simply decided to go for the joke-variant. So there was nothing speaking against it for the moment.  
“How about something with a different meaning than water? A color or something?”  
Beni seemed to be thinking about her suggestion, grinned a bit and let her eyes run over the four  
other woman.  
“Fine then. The crimson 5. Kurenai 5.”


	2. Bets and Promises

“Kurenai 5? Sounds right”, Miyacchi said and grinned widely before pulling Mikkii even closer. Renta grinned widely while she joined in laughing with the others. She wasn’t even really sure why she joined in with those three. All she did was taking away her bags and stretched her legs a bit when she heard the other women call out for her. Something about Aqua 5, but the idea seemed so hilarious and fun that she just had joined in. Having Mikkii out of all people as a fifth ‘member’ of their group was more than fortunate. They all were part of Hoshigumi, even if they worked at different projects, and they all got along well it seemed. Plus Renta was pretty sure they would sound amazing together.  
“So… we base our group on colors?”, the second youngest member asked. “Kind of like the Power Rangers or something?”  
“Power Rangers!”, Shiiran nearly burst out into her ear. “That’s the idea! Beni is the red Power Ranger. Like… Kurenai Red.”  
Beni was the first to let go of the group and sat down on the floor. The others joined her shortly after and the five women sat in a circle.  
“Well that’s not really surprising when you think about her name already means red, Shiiran”, Miyacchi said and grinned widely. “But I like the idea. What do you think, Leader?”  
She looked over to Beni and said woman seemed to be deep in thought, leaned her head on her hand and crooked her eyebrows. No matter how this worked out, it was easy to see that they already developed a structure. Beni as their leader, Kurenai red if you wanted to call it like that, Miya and Shiiran as her right and left hands and Mikkii and Renta herself as support.  
“What colors are in question anyway?”, Mikkii asked and Shiiran gave her a look as if the brown-haired woman just said the most horrific thing in the world.  
“Have you never watched Power Rangers?”  
“… No?”, she answered after some hesitation and Renta simply grinned a bit. “Did I have to.”  
“Not really, but it really surprises me. I never actually saw the whole thing, yet even I know the colors at least.”  
Miyacchi started laughing, just as Beni did, and the older woman lay her arm around Mikkii once more. It was easy for Renta to see that her friend was uncomfortable since she was always a bit shy about other people she didn’t get to know.  
“So listen”, Miya started, started counting on her other hand. “There is red, blue, black, yellow and pink. At least the original ones were as far as I remember.”  
Beni crossed her arms and leaned back a bit.  
“I suppose no one wants to be pink here”, she said and tilted her head a bit. “We’re still Otokoyaku. Why don’t we go with green instead?”  
Miyacchi looked over to their leader and raised her eyebrows a bit. Renta always wondered how huge Miya’s eyes actually were and how much they sparkled, yet she didn’t seem to want to let go of Mikkii, who became even smaller on her spot. Thinking that her friend was unable to get a word out while she was in this position just made the slightly older woman grin.  
“Do you have something in mind with green?”  
“Sure. I think Mikkii should be green.”  
“What?”, the youngest of them asked and raised her gaze a bit, still had that red blush on her cheeks. “Why me?”  
“Because I say so.” Beni laughed out loudly. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you always are so quiet and seemed so harmonized. It just fits you. And you would look good in green.”  
“Uhm… okay then…”  
Beni just seemed to check it in her mind, turned to Renta instead and she felt like falling backwards. It was just as if she was caught stealing cookies from the jar and was just about to get yelled at.  
“You will be yellow. Oh and you have to die your hair blonde later.”  
Miyacchi grinned and leaned herself on Mikkii’s shoulder.  
“Well that matches. You’re really loud and happy. I suppose yellow fits. But then we need Azu to be blue.”  
Shiiran started moaning a bit and rolled her eyes while Renta couldn’t resist grinning. She knew how much Azu sometimes despised being the ‘cool and cold’-part of the AzuRuri-pair, so she simply punched the older woman softly on her upper arm to cheer her up.  
“So because it’s only black left”, Beni started. “you two are quite even. We all need to play our part here.”  
A quick look over to Miyacchi, who finally let go of Mikkii, told her that she was totally fine with that. They all knew that the Hoshigumi-actress could be quite cute when she wanted to be but she was also able to flip a table when needed. Beni jumped up from her spot, grinned widely and raised her hand.  
“As leader, I will go ask Tom about it. I’m sure we can come up with something to do with Kurenai 5.” The red woman grabbed Shiiran and Miyacchi by their collars. “You two come with me.” She looked over to Mikkii and Renta. “We’ll see you tomorrow. Or the next few days. Well whatever we will see you.”  
Grinning, their leader dragged the other two women away while Azu and Ruri protested against the rude dragging. Renta simply laughed out loudly again and looked over to Mikkii once more, who was just sitting there, dumbfounded and staring after the three women.  
“Well that was unexpected”, the older one of the two said and stretched out her legs, continued her stretching from where she was interrupted.  
“What the hell was that all about?”, the younger woman asked and let her shoulders fall down.  
“I suppose we’re part of a band now.”  
Renta got up and stood in front of her friend. The younger one just looked up to her and the yellow Kurenai-member noticed once more that she sometimes had that lost-puppy look on her face when she was confused. The older woman grinned a bit and patted the other’s head before offering her a hand.  
“Come on. I have no clue what they will do next but I don’t really want to be around when they do.”  
Mikkii grinned a bit, took her hand and pulled herself up.  
“You’re just hungry, right?”  
Renta pulled up her shoulders, smiled shyly.  
“Am I that easy to read?”  
“I know you long enough by now.”  
  
When they arrived at Shimon’s place, Mikkii still tried to think about what just had happened there with that whole Kurenai 5-idea. What she thought was a joke at first seemed to be pretty serious to the remaining four women and still she was unsure if she should take it serous as well or not. Sometimes it was really hard to tell what was meant to be a joke and what not. She was only glad that Renta was at her side, kind of, or else she would have just chickened out. As much as she liked Beni, Shiiran and Miyacchi, being around these people made her kind of uncomfortable since she was not used to them at all. Of course she could have just acted through it and may get used to it, yet something inside her mind blocked and she held back. Well only time could tell what this would lead to.  
“Are you alright?”, Renta said while they walked up the stairs and looked over to her. First a bit startled, yet smiling Mikkii looked back at her, gripping the bag she had in her hands a bit tighter.  
“Sure. Why asking?”  
“You seem more deeply in thought than usual. Is it about before?”  
“I…” She looked to her side for a second. “No. No I’m fine. I just need to think about it some more.”  
“You know you can just say no to them if you don’t want to. They can’t really force you to do anything.” Once more Mikkii started to talk, but Renta interrupted her while she continued to walk up the stairs. “But just give them a chance. They are nice people, I think. And I know you like Beni a lot.”  
Once more for this day, she felt herself blushing.  
“I don’t have a crush on anyone if that is what you’re pointing at.”  
Renta stopped halfway on the stairs, looked back at her after a few moments.  
“You’re sure? I see you starring at her a lot when we rehears all together.”  
“I just look up to her, that’s all. You always interpret too much.”  
Mikkii blinked and watched as her friend turned on her spot once more. Well she knew that she liked having small bets on who had a crush on whom, despite her young age, and liked stalking other people to find out if her theories were true or not. Mikkii grinned a bit. So she also had a theory of Beni and her? That was actually kind of cute. The younger Hoshigumi-actress never really thought about having any kind of relationship or bothered thinking about other people’s. Yet she knew that were surely some somewhere in Takarazuka. A lot of people she knew simply loved to break their heads while thinking about it, gossiping and laughing about it, yet that never had been her style. She liked to focus on work.  
When they stood in front of Shimon’s door, rang the doorbell, a just too familiar sound of said woman falling over her stuff came from inside. No matter how long the taller actress seemed to live there, she never could remember that box beside her door where she kept some of her jackets in and continued to fall over it on a regular basis. The two friends in front of the door looked at each other, grinned widely and turned their attention back to the door when it finally opened. Shimon held her knee while standing on one foot and growled a little when she saw the two of them smiling.  
“I swear to god if you give just one comment about that, I will close the door right away.”  
  
Not so much later, the three of them sat beside each other with their dinner on their laps, eating and talking while Renta had turned on the TV and more concentrated on her food than on the other two women. She still thought about what Mikkii said to her earlier. Well she was aware that she was not supposed to think about relationships and such. They were supposed to work and function within Takarazuka, still they were only humans. And in the spring of their youth as well. But what if it was simply wrong? She heard about rumors, about the current Top Stars as well, however no one could tell for sure if it was true or not. Renta took another bite of her sandwich. She did not feel like eating soup like Mikkii and Shimon did.  
“So is it true”, Shimon started when Renta decided that she would listen to the two of them for once. “that Reon and Nene are going on a date next week?”  
“Date?” Renta looked up and grinned a bit. “I knew they had a thing going but they are actually dating?”  
Mikkii rolled her eyes.  
“Please don’t start that again. I’m really tired of that.”  
“Aren’t you interested in all, Mikkii?”, said Shimon and put away her emptied bowl. “I mean they are Top Stars and all. I wonder what happens if they are found out.”  
“Even if, it wouldn’t get published. We all know that.” Mikkii seemed rather angry all of the sudden and Renta raised her eyebrows. “None of us have the right to interfere with their lives and we should respect their privacy.”  
Once more Renta inhaled to talk back to her friend but stopped before the sentence came out. For some reason the younger woman seemed really angry about all this and she didn’t want to push her luck any further. She may was a loud and noisy person without any real sense of regret, however her friends were precious to her and she hated having arguments. Not to mention she always lost any argument she had with Mikkii ever. Not to say that she always lost any argument.  
“Fine”, the older one said and took another bite out of her sandwich. In the corner of her eye, she noticed Shimon having that particular look in her eyes when she wanted to say something really badly. Then again Renta didn’t want to give her any reason to ask or to tell her anything, continued to stare at the TV in silence. Shimon clearly searched for her eyes and she noticed the taller woman move, yet still refused to look at her.  
“Well as much as I respect your privacy, Renta”, she started. No she wouldn’t look at her. If she would she would continue to ask and only heaven knew what was going on in the blonde’s head. “Hello I’m talking to you.”  
“I want to see that.”  
“You’re staring at advertisements. You told me last week that you hate those and that you find them ridiculous. Look at me so I can talk to you.”  
Only slowly Renta moved her eyes however she stopped when her eyes found Mikkii. The younger one raised an eyebrow on her, leaned back and crossed her legs in all Otokoyaku-manner. When she looked at Shimon, the taller woman tilted her head.  
“Did you finally tell her?”, she asked and Renta, still with her sandwich halfway in her mouth, pulled her legs a bit closer to her body.  
“I have no clue what you’re talking about.”  
“I don’t either”, Mikkii interfered, looked over to Shimon. “What do you mean?”  
Said person lay a wide grin on her lips while Renta felt herself blushing. Oh no she wouldn’t. Shimon turned to Mikkii.  
“Didn’t you know that Renta has a really bad crush on someone?”  
“What?” The smaller of the two woman seemed interested all of the sudden and turned to face her older friend. “Why don’t I know about this?”  
Renta smiled just a bit.  
“You never asked? But for your information: no I didn’t tell her. And I won’t.”  
“And who is it? Do I know her? I always thought you were into men.”  
Renta raised one eyebrow and grinned a bit more. She always made others around her have a false view on her even if she did not intend it.  
“Well I like men as far as I can tell. But how should I put it… I like the idea of being with her in particular. And I’m far more comfortable around women.”  
“You didn’t answer my question.”  
Renta’s smile faded a bit. She didn’t want to tell. When it came to her personal space, she liked to be mysterious about it. She never revealed anything when she had no reason to.  
“Oh you know me. Maybe I will tell you one day.”  
Instead of starting an argue once more, Mikkii turned to face Shimon. Said woman just shrugged her shoulders.  
“Don’t look at me like that. I have no clue either.”  
  
Later that evening, Mikkii decided to simply let Renta off the hook. She wasn’t supposed to ask about it anyway. She didn’t really care for who her friend had the hots for. She was her friend after all and no one would be able to stand between them. The three of them spent this much time together that not even their secrets, they all had them, was able to tear them apart.  
Renta and Mikkii decided that they would stay with Shimon for the night. Once because it was already pretty late, second for Renta’s laziness to drive back home and since Shimon was close to the theatre anyway, they could sleep a bit longer. Because both of them were a bit more tiny than Shimon it was also easy to borrow some clothes for the night. Renta would take the small mattress on the floor, Mikkii the couch. Just as always. Some things just never changed. Mikkii was the first to lay down, pulled the cover over herself and rolled on her side. She never had problems to fall asleep quickly and while the lights were still on. Her mind however was still rushing about what she had heard from Renta earlier. It wasn’t so much the thing that her friend had a crush on someone, more the fact that it was so naturally to her and Shimon also seemed to think this way. Mikkii never thought about having a relationship with anybody. Sure she looked up to some people but never in a romantic way. Actually she was quite curious. Maybe if she paid attention to her surroundings, she would start noticing what happened around her. Up to now she always went through the days blindfolded, only fixed on work, yet that wasn’t wrong either. It was how it was supposed to be. She would just let things come to her when the time was right. Her mind slowly drifted away when the lights were turned out and her cover got pulled up over her shoulder.  
  
“Do you still think that’s a good idea? Beni really seems to get into that Kurenai 5 idea.”  
“Sure. Why not? Why do you ask? You were into it, too, when we were talking to Tom.”  
She rolled on her front side and crossed her arms before she lay her head on it.  
“I know, I know. I thought it would be fun. But with Ren and Mitsuki around…”  
Her friend leaned over her and she felt the breath against her ear, her lowered voice that made a shiver run down her spine.  
“Do you have something against them? They seem nice.”  
Actually she made it hard for her to even breathe right now. Just with pure force she hindered her mind to wander off.  
“I don’t have anything against them. I like them. Somehow I guess.”  
“Then what do you think about, Miya?”  
Said woman rolled on her back and looked up to her friend, let her head fall back on the pillow.  
“Well I think I can get along just fine with Ren. She’s a lot like me. I’m not so sure about Mitsuki, though.”  
Shiiran tilted her head a bit and grinned down to her.  
“You were the one calling out to her in the first place. And now you have regrets.”  
“I wouldn’t call it like that.”  
“Then what is going on in that pretty little head of yours?”  
Miyacchi grinned just a bit, reached up to stroke her friend’s cheek. It was their usual conversation, but something fun usually came out of it.  
“I just think she might get boring after some time if she’s part of the group. She’s always so… for herself. At least from what I saw. I don’t say she’s not good or anything. I think she’s brilliant but you know I get bored easily.”  
Shiiran leaned her head against her hand and closed her eyes.  
“So what you say is that you want to spice up the game a little?”  
“That’s what I was pointing at.”  
“And knowing you, you already have thought of something, am I right?” Miyacchi grinned widely and when Shiiran looked down to her, she tilted her head. “So? Are you going to tell me or not?”  
“Maybe. That depends…”  
“On what?”  
“No word to Beni. She will ruin the game if she finds out.”  
“Sure. Same rules as always.”  
  
Shiiran as pulled down to her friend, heard her whisper in her ear and the more Miyacchi went on, the more Shiiran started grinning. That game would be rather interesting. Sometimes the so cute and funny Miya Rurika surely could be devilish if she wanted to. Well it wouldn’t hurt anybody and it surely would be fun doing this.  
“And?”, she asked when Miya finished, turned to face her and let the tip of her nose almost touch that of her friend. “What will the winner get?”  
“How about the looser doing anything the winner wants for about a week?”  
“So we go with the usual again.”  
“Do you have anything better in mind?”  
“No. Not really. Maybe I can think of something within the next few days.”  
Miyacchi grinned once more when Shiiran claimed her lips once more for herself and felt the other woman pinning her still nude body on the bed once more.


	3. There's nothing to be afraid of

Just as she suspected, nothing had happened for a few days after that strange collide with Beni, Miyacchi and Shiiran. Yet Mikkii couldn’t just get her mind off of it. Somehow she would have liked to be part of a group. Usually she felt a bit left out of everything. So what was left to her was just to get back to work. Renta didn’t really seem to mind or think about it either. Both of them had gotten up the next day as if nothing had happened, had breakfast with Shimon, laughed and talked just as they always did before they went off to their rehearsals. That day, Mikkii came home, found her small apartment empty as it always was. It felt a bit strange every time when she came back alone. She liked being with her friends, having them around her. No matter how much she kept her distance, she sometimes missed these friendly gestures, feeling another body move under her hand and the rare hugs she sometimes got. Or it was just the feeling of being accepted that made her crave for it. She wasn’t so sure of that.  
Mikkii was just about to hurry back through the halls to the lockers where she still had her bag. For some reason she wasn’t quite able to set her mind on just one fixed point lately. Maybe it was because they had to switch the rehearsal-rooms so many times lately or because of that whole Kurenai 5-thing that was still in her mind but her thoughts were quite a lot more off than usual.  
“Mitsuki. Wait”, she heard from across the hall, stopped on her spot and turned. Todoroki came over to her, an envelope in her hand. That woman was just her size however those heels were amazing and made her a bit taller than Mikkii herself. Just as the older woman stopped in front of her, the younger woman bowed and lowered her gaze.  
“Good day, Todoroki. Can I help you with something?”  
“Actually yes you can.” Mikkii raised her eyebrows a bit when the Senka-Top Star fanned out the envelope just to have even more in her hands. Four to be exactly. One of it had Mikkii’s name written on it. Said piece of paper was handed over to her and with a confused look on her face, the younger woman accepted it. “This is your new schedule. I just hope you know what you’re getting into. There is a lot of work waiting for you.”  
“Work?” She looked up and met the other’s dark eyes. “What work?”  
Todoroki tilted her head, crooked her eyebrows. No matter how confused Mikkii was, she just noticed how beautiful that woman was even though she was clearly unmade.  
“What do you mean ‘what work’? Yuzuru assured me that you know about everything.”  
Mikkii turned the envelope in her hand a bit, thought hard about what the Top Star could mean. Yet when she saw the logo that said ‘Kurenai 5’ on the front, it hit her.  
“Oh!”, she burst out and raised her gaze once more. “Sure! Kurenai 5!”  
“So you do know?”  
“Yes! I mean… I…” Mikkii scratched her head and somehow felt embarrassed of how she reacted. She blushed. “I just didn’t think they would really request the group.”  
The older woman started laughing.  
“Well she was very persistent. And she seemed really passionate about it. So the directory thought: why not? You five are popular and we still have a few ideas written down we were supposed to do with Aqua 5 back then.”  
Unsure how to answer, Mikkii simply smiled and bowed deeply once more.  
“Thank you. Thank you so much”, she called before simply running off. For some reason she felt like a little girl, felt the same as back then when she knew she was able to visit TMS, when it was announced that she was the best in her class. She was seriously happy and she didn’t even know why. She didn’t even know where she ran off to when she opened the letter, pulled out the paper and found quite a bunch of filled out dates on it. Whatever it was Beni was starting there, it was going to be great. The only question left to her was how she was supposed to contact her ‘band members’, it was kind of childish to think about it that way, since she didn’t have a clue where they were. Well she would think about that later. First of all she had to finish her daily duty, planned to go home after that and to cook something for herself. She would have time to think about all about that later on when she could settle down a little.  
  
Renta was already at home when she opened the letter that Todoroki gave her. She waited to open it until then because she didn’t want to know what kind of work was waiting for her. As much as she was happy, she wasn’t quite sure about all of this. That would mean she would spend time with a lot of people she was unfamiliar with. That was except Mikkii and she was basically the whole point why she couldn’t be just happy about it. She knew how shy her friend was around unfamiliar and older people and being one group they were more or less forced to be close to each other. It was not that she didn’t like them and she was sure that Mikkii, as shy as she was, would like them as well however there were rumors going on within Takarazuka. As always, but one of them contained the famous AzuRuri-couple. Renta loved rumors. She liked gossiping. She liked laughing and she had friends who just loved to be gossiping with her, listening to rumors and to spread them even further behind the back of the other Siennes. The rumors contained everything over hate, friendship, embarrassing actions taken by Top Stars and the younger actresses as well, however their favorite still were the love-rumors. Relationships were not to be talked about within Takarazuka yet made it even more interesting and thrilling. Some actresses hid it more, some less and Miyacchi and Shiiran were the kind to not hide how close they really were. It was not like they were kissing in front of all people but the way they handled each other, the way they said ‘I love you’ to one another said enough.  
The young actress almost fell off of her couch when the doorbell rang, almost threw her letter across the room. Her gaze automatically went to the clock. Usually no one visited her at this hour. It was late and only those going to party were still going out. A second ringing and with a roll of her eyes she got up from her spot, got into her fluffy socks and pulled a bit on her short pants before she walked over to the door, opened it a bit. She didn’t even have the chance to hold the women back when they stormed in.  
“See? I told you she was still awake.”  
“Yeah sure.”  
“What the hell are you doing here??”, Renta screamed and saw Beni walking in last. The tallest woman stopped by her and lay one hand on her shoulder.  
“Sorry, Ren, for just falling all over you like that. But the two idiot over there wanted to gather all of us as soon as possible. I guess you have heard the news?”  
The younger woman helplessly watched as Miya and Shiiran invited themselves in, took a look around in her apartment and sat down on the couch, watching her closely.  
“Well… yes I suppose but why at this hour? I was about to go to sleep.”  
She saw how Beni was checking her clothes. The younger woman had only a yellow shirt, short, black pants and blue, fluffy socks on herself, her hair was freshly washed and unmade, her make-up removed. For a few seconds, Kurenai red wasn’t talking before grinning once more.  
“I guess you’ll get ready then. We need to pick up Mikkii”, Shiiran said out loud while she was leaning back and crossing her legs. “We don’t have all day after all.”  
“But why now? I’m sure Mikkii wants just to be left in peace.”  
“Didn’t you check the schedule?”  
“What? Why?”  
Miyacchi leaned forward, tilted her head a bit while Renta walked over to the table to pick up the letter she almost had dropped to take a better look at it.  
“We have our first filming next week”, Miya said and got up from her spot, pointed at one date on the schedule. “And we have to think about some stuff beforehand. Before we exist officially, we need some promotion. A short film or such that they can send on Sky Stage. There’s an interview in two weeks and it needs to be done by then.”  
Renta looked over to Miya, grinned a bit.  
“And that’s why you assault me in the middle of the night?”  
“Well the earlier we do this, the better.”  
“What were you thinking about anyway? What kind of film?”  
Miya stopped and together with Shiiran, she looked over to Beni, who went over to take a look at the stuff she had scattered around her room. It wasn’t a particular big apartment but big enough for her needs. She had a couch where she spent most of her time since she tended to fall asleep while watching TV, a small carpet with a table on it in front of her couch, two cupboards filled with different little figures, books, DVDs and CDs. The TV was right beside it and barely noticeable when someone first walked in. Beni placed herself beside Shiiran.  
“I don’t know. I wanted to talk about this with everyone. Even if I’m the leader, we’re a group and I want to decide together.”  
Shiiran looked over to Beni, grinned a bit.  
“You mean you have absolutely no clue”, she said with a quite sarcastic voice.  
“…Yes.”  
Renta left behind the laughing women to go change into something different and at least make her hair. This was going to be a long night. At least she had enough make-up to cover up her wrinkles in the morning since she tended to have quite deep ones. She opened the wardrobe, pushed aside that embarrassing riding suit and a few thin shirts, her suit, a blazer, pulled out one of her warm hoodies and a wide jeans before changing into them and somehow pulling her hair into a way that she didn’t seem exploded. While she walked over to the full-body mirror she had in her room, Renta started humming a silent melody that just happened to be stuck in her ear. She hated that song so much, yet it always lightened her mood up a bit and she already sang it just before she had opened that letter from Todoroki. She got a bit lost in it, started dancing in front of the mirror while she grabbed one of her hats, put it on her head and arranged her black hoodie. Maybe something yellow would be appropriate? She was Kurenai Yellow after all. Still half dancing, half humming, she went over to the dresser, opened one of the drawers and pulled out a broche that was shaped like a sunflower and shining bright yellow. Once more she pulled down the black hat, put the broche on the side before putting it back and took another look. It would do for the evening. Renta looked over to the door. She wasn’t that anxious to go back inside there. She liked those people a lot but she didn’t know them well enough to be ready to stay up so late for them. Then again she couldn’t just let them fall all over Mikkii. Her friend was too pulled back to be able to handle them. Renta sighed and opened the door, get back into the main room where she already saw Miyacchi, Shiiran and Beni standing in front of her books.  
“Ready to go?”, Renta asked and grinned when the others turned around. “I want to go asleep before the sun rises again.”  
“I had no idea you had this kind of books in your possession”, Beni said, grinning deviously and holding a book in her hand. Renta blushed and was over at her leader with just two steps, taking the book from her and hiding the cover with her hands.  
“I-I… I… I have no need to explain myself to you.”  
“No you don’t.” Beni pointed up the bookshelf where a yellow helmet resided. “But I had no idea you can ride a motorcycle.”  
“I can’t… that was a gift.”  
  
Mikkii yawned when she rolled over to her other side. For quite some time she just lay there in her bed, the opened letter on the other pillow, her script on her bed and with a loudly growling stomach. Her bed was the only thing that she granted to herself. The young Sienne just loved to roll over her bed and before she got this one, she always had fallen out of the smaller bed. Surely she would have just fallen asleep on the spot while learning her text-passages yet she was way too hungry for that and too lazy to get up. Plus her mind was wandering off time and time again. She was still thinking about that schedule that seemed way more different than she expected. Sure it was full but not that full, more like average. It had some holes in it where she wasn’t scheduled for anything and she asked herself if the others had so much free time as well. Even with her rehearsing it was less than what she usually had. And if the other Kurenai 5 members had this free time, were they about to spend it together? Well she wouldn’t mind. They were nice people and they would surely get along just fine. Maybe she even would call them friends one day. Before she could get her mind set on anything else, her stomach growled once again, louder this time and it cut the silence.  
“Oh whatever. I’ll get you something to eat”, she said out loudly even though nobody was around to hear it. She rolled out of the bed, nearly fell when she got up and turned off the light on her table beside the bed. Normal people had bed stands, Mikkii had an ordinary glass-table standing beside it to replace it. Blindly she walked over to the wall, found her way into the kitchen in the dark and turned off the lights there just to go blind once more, ran against the small chair she had in there when she walked over to the fridge just to notice that it was almost empty when her eyesight got back. For some reason she was craving for some sushi but rice would do, she thought. She closed the door with her foot, opened the top cabinet and searched for the rice that should still be in there. Yet she only found the edge of the package peeking out from the very back. Mikkii sighed a bit. Sometimes she hated that she was so short, for an Otokoyaku at least. But before she had the chance to climb on countertop, the doorbell rang, she slipped on her floor and almost fell, just barely held herself on the edge of the countertop.  
“What the hell?”, she said and threw a gaze over to the clock that hang over the door. No one ever visited her at this hour. Well except Shimon that was but she usually called before she did so. A second ring and the young actress walked out the kitchen, was halfway on her way to the door when she noticed that she was hardly wearing anything. All she had on her body were her panties and a white, wide shirt. She blushed. No matter who was standing there, she couldn’t let herself be seen in just her underwear and a shirt that didn’t hide much of her upper body. Now more running than walking she went into the bathroom, grabbed her black bathrobe and threw it over her shoulders when she hurried to the door after a third and longer ring, opened the door in surprise when she pulled close the bathrobe. Just as she opened it, she saw Miyacchi and Shiiran grinning at her, Beni just behind them and Renta beside the tallest woman.  
“Good evening, Mikkii”, Shiiran said and tilted her head. “Are we interrupting?”  
“Uhm… no?” The younger one was clearly confused, blinked and still held the door halfway closed. “I was just about to prepare something to eat.”  
“Oh great!” Miyacchi and Shiiran pushed themselves past her before she could even react. “I hope you made enough for all of us.”  
Beni just shook her head when Mikkii started to try construct a sentence, however all she got out was pointless babbling. She was too surprise to think about a proper response when the other members just entered her apartment, threw aside their shoes and walked through her rooms. Beni stopped beside her and lay her hand on the smaller woman’s shoulder.  
“Don’t mind them”, she said and Mikkii looked up to her, still puzzled and barefoot. “They don’t mean any harm. We’re just here for chatting. I hope you don’t mind.”  
The youngest one started inhaling to say something but instead she simply sighed and let her hand run through her hair before her stomach started growling once more.  
“I need something to eat”, she said under her breath, slowly walked past Beni and ignored Renta walking past Beni over to Shiiran and Miyacchi. Her friend knew her apartment well and knew where to keep of the duo of idiots. There were some parts in her rooms and some secrets she was not willed to share with anybody and Renta was one of the few who knew where she kept them and also knew to keep of or else she would lose her trust. Mikkii shook when her bare feet hit the tiles in her kitchen, pulled closer her bathrobe and rubbed her upper arms. Hopefully it got warmer in here once she started cooking. Then again she still stood in front of the same problem as before: she was still too short to properly reach the rice in the far back of her still opened cabinet and there was no way she would climb up the counter while someone else was around. Well she could just use the chair that was in there but that thing was old and slippery, just barely usable to sit on, so she was afraid to fall off and break her bones. However she had nothing but that rice around and her mind was set on nothing else that moment. She wasn’t getting any sushi at this time, so she would at least go for the rice. Carefully she leaned back a bit, peeked outside the kitchen and inside the other room where the four other women were looking at some pictures she had scattered around there. They seemed quite busy, so surely they wouldn’t notice her. She would just quickly get up the counter, snatch the rice and be down on the floor before they would notice. She wasn’t doing this the first time, so this would be quick. Mikkii pushed herself on the plate, she had her knee on her bathrobe while doing so and was barely able to raise her arm because of that, simply pulled harder on the cloth to release her arm and reached inside the top cabinet.  
“Oh come on”, she mumbled when the bag of rice fled her grip and fell backwards even further from her fingertips. She grinned when she got the edge of it. “Got you, you sneaky little beast.” With a victorious grin on her lips she pulled out the bag, climbed down the counter and pulled close her bathrobe. It opened a bit when she had released her arm from it, hang halfway over her hip and the belt had opened up. She pulled it close and used two knots to tighten the belt even more.  
“Are you always fighting your rice like that?”  
Mikkii squealed a bit and turned to the door where Miyacchi was already standing with a wide grin on her face. The smaller one blushed a bit and pressed the bag of rice closer to her body.  
“N-No. I just have the habit to throw it in the far back of the cabinet. And it’s really high up.”  
The older one walked in, placed herself on the chair on the other side of the room and leaned back. It was easy to see that she was an Otokoyaku by the way she placed her body on that chair, crossed her legs all Otokoyaku-like and lay one arm on the small table beside her.  
“You could have asked Beni. She can easily reach inside there.”  
“I am totally able to handle myself.”  
“I saw that. Cute panties by the way. But you should go for black ones instead of red.”  
The younger woman became deep red, turned her back to Miyacchi and instead of talking back, she grabbed her cooking equipment and started preparing some rice, put in a little extra. She would have just loved to get a bit louder, ask how the older woman even dared to simply watch her while she was almost in her underwear and to even have the nerves to be this shameless. Mikkii may was the youngest of the five women in this apartment but she had dignity. Well somehow. She still felt the grinning and the eyes of the other in her back while she opened one of the upper cabinets once more. Better she set her mind on her cooking and get dressed as soon as the dinner was about to be ready. She was sure that she still had some eggs around somewhere. Then again she needed some extra spice for the rice. The young Otokoyaku liked plain rice, however she preferred it spiced up. Reaching up a bit she noticed that she was barely able to get the spices she needed, earned a silent giggle from behind.  
“Can I help?”, Miyacchi asked and Mikkii heard the chair being moved.  
“No. No I’m fine. I can do it myself.”  
“Sure? I’m good at cooking.”  
Gladly she was able to get what she needed before Miyacchi even could get the thought of getting closer, concentrated once more on her food and stared down on her rice. It would still take some time. In the corner of her eye she noticed the older woman’s feet beside hers, actually more like her shadow. The light bulb was in the middle of the room, right behind her, so Mikkii could tell that she was behind her. That was only confirmed when the slightly taller woman’s head was beside her, looking down on her food as well. The younger one barely resisted the urge to pull her bathrobe closer around her body.  
“What are you preparing?”  
“Simple egg over rice. I don’t want to cook something big right now.”  
“Are you good at cooking?”  
Mikkii turned around halfway. She wasn’t comfortable with Miyacchi standing so close behind her that she felt her breath on her neck.  
“I think I am. Why are you asking?”  
Miyacchi grinned and smiled widely, her eyes sparkled while she stayed close to her and looked into her eyes. It was as if she was staring right into her soul and Mikkii felt herself getting a bit paler on her spot. The older woman seemed to notice that she was uncomfortable, but instead of taking a step back, she leaned even closer to her, grinning wider.  
“Hey Mikkii. Stop being so uncomfortable. There is nothing you need to be afraid of. We’re Kurenai 5, remember? So this means we’re friends. That also means that there is nothing you need to be ashamed of.”  
Mikkii looked over to her side, didn’t answer at first. Being friends was easy to say, yet a harder thing to do. She wasn’t familiar with Shiiran, Beni or Miyacchi for that matter and that stopped her from opening up. Once more she looked up, met the older woman’s eyes once more. No matter how she was being uncomfortable with all of this and with Miyacchi being older than her, she would not back down.  
“You didn’t answer my question…”  
The older woman raised her eyebrows a bit, laughed slightly before she touched the tip of Mikkii’s nose with one fingertip and giggled while the younger one flinched back a little.  
“Because I think we should cook all together one time. I think that will be fun.” Mikkii felt herself blush a little when Miyacchi started looking at her more intensely before the smile on her face turned into a smirk. “You don’t need to get all red on me. Even though you’re cute when you are. I’ll just let you finish cooking but go get dressed before you join again. We want to talk about what we do about that Kurenai 5 movie. I want to be the only one knowing about what panties you wear.”  
She felt her ears and cheeks becoming even hotter when the older woman turned on her heel, leaving the kitchen. What the hell, was all that Mikkii could think of. She may was young and she was bad at flirting or recognizing when people flirted with her but that had been far beyond flirting. Miyacchi actually tried hitting on her. That, or she really was just a really touchy person. Mikkii just hoped she was touchy.


	4. Neither dream nor nightmare

“At least you got something out of it.”  
They laughed and she put down the empty bowl of rice in front of her. There were only a few bits left uneaten, just like in the other bowls beside hers. It had been quite a pleasant evening, quiet and still fun. It was easy to tell that they all were tired yet still too hyped up from the day to actually go to sleep.  
“Don’t act like you didn’t have any fun at all. You surely enjoyed yourself.”  
Once more she laughed and got up from her spot.  
“I’ll go make some tea”, she started, looked over to the older women. “You want some?”  
“That would be nice. Thank you.”  
“No thanks.” The other one looked over to the clock, got up from her place. “I think I should go anyway. I still need to learn some of my script before I go to sleep.”  
“We’ll see you tomorrow then”, the youngest said and smiled over to her.  
“Sure. Just make sure you don’t stay up so late.”  
She laughed.  
“I’m not the one getting rings under my eyes when I lack sleep.”  
“Hey!”  
The younger one avoided the older woman’s gaze when she headed for the kitchen, started to prepare the tea when she heard another goodbye from the older woman and the door being shut shortly after. So only two of them were left. Somehow it felt strange to be with the older woman in her apartment however she felt less uncomfortable than she may should. She got along with her quite well, felt good when being around her. It felt like they were old friends hanging around together. She put the tea and two cups on a tablet, fetched some sugar and carried everything over to the other room where she saw the older woman taking a look around. She had found some of her pictures, looked at them intensely.  
“You really love your classmates, don’t you?”  
“I do. But I love all of Hoshigumi as well.” The younger woman walked over to the table, placed the tablet on the table and herself on the chair. “They feel like… family to me.”  
“Family?”  
The younger woman fetched one of the cups, placed it in front of her and poured in some tea, smiled softly while doing so.  
“Family. They are all so kind and I know I can feel safe with them.”  
“And here I thought that you were the shyest person I ever met. You never let it come through that they mean so much to you.”  
“Well they really do. I would do so much for each of them.”  
She heard footsteps and before she could even notice the older woman stood behind her chair, lay her arms on her backrest and leaned over her. She had to put her head far back to actually look at the way taller woman.  
“You mean to tell me that they are all equal to you?”  
She stopped and hesitated before answering.  
“Well… ye-“ She stopped and hesitated once more. “… Why… why are you even asking?”  
“I thought maybe someone means more to you than a friend. Like… I don’t know. A lover maybe?”  
The younger one blushed and lowered her head, stared at the steaming, clear tea in her cup. She could still see small pieces of the tea-leaves on the bottom, held the white cup in her cold hands.  
“I don’t think so. Not in a romantic way”, she whispered and gulped a bit. Suddenly afraid of the older woman, her voice was just lost to her. “Why do you want to know that?”  
She felt the warm fingertips playing with the short strands of hair in the back of her neck, stiffened a bit under it and gripped the cup a bit harder.  
“It doesn’t need to be romantic. It’s just about being with somebody you like. Someone you’re drawn to and who makes your heart beat faster.”  
The younger one gulped as she felt the fingers working their way over her neck, stroking her skin and making her heart almost jump out of her chest. She felt nervous, shaky and yet that felt somewhat good. The older woman’s palm stroke her neck, rested on her throat and the younger one closed her eyes a bit when she felt the second hand on her shoulder, carefully sliding down her upper arm.  
“Relax”, she heard whispering in her ear and the fingers just under her chin that made her head tilt back once more. The soft fingertips were still stroking her throat, teasing her a bit and she released the grip around her cup, panted slightly and opened her eyes. As soon as she did she saw the dark ones of the older woman. They were so kind, so deep and still something lay in there she thought she already saw before. That fire, that sparkle and that smile that made her even more fascinating and desirable than before. She felt the breath against her lips, the hands slowly sliding under her shirt. “Let me make you feel good.”  
  
Silently moaning, she rolled over on her bed, sometimes flinching and her muscles twitching due to the touch she still felt so clear in her sleep. All of this felt so real and yet she was still deep asleep. Restlessly she rolled on her back, moaned out louder than before when her dream made her feel that spot that let everything around her spin, made her shake until she clawed the cover under her body, shook harder under the climax her dream made her feel as if it was real and she woke up, panting, gasping and shaking. For a few seconds she looked around aimlessly. She was where her dream had left her, in her bed but alone. She sat up a bit, still held the cover firmly in her hand and grabbed her pillow in which she pressed her red face. No matter if she was alone in her apartment, her dream was embarrassing to her. Most of all because she knew that hadn't been a dream, more like a memory. A night she never really wanted to remember, no matter how good it had felt. Gulping she pressed her pillow closer to her body, still couldn't get her body to calm down and felt the sweat running down her neck.  
“You're over that”, she whispered to herself. “You both knew this wasn't lasting and you promised to yourself to forget about all that. So just calm down.”  
Frustrated she released the pillow from her claws, threw it on the other end of the bed and pulled closer her legs, lay her hand on her shoulder instead. She could swear she could still feel the breath on her skin, the hands teasing her, the body pressed against her back and the fingers running down her belly. She shook by the mere thought of that. Somehow she had to get rid of that.  
“A shower should do.”  
Hopefully, she added in her thoughts. She was sweating, her hot body quickly got colder and she started freezing. However when she got up she bit her bottom lip. The feeling of her panties sticking between her thighs was disgusting and she seemed to have thrown off her trousers in her sleep so all that was left to her was her shirt and her panties. Usually she left the pants just off because as soon as she woke up, they were gone again anyway.  
“Great, Mikkii. Just great. And there I thought I managed to push that out of my mind”, the young Hoshigumi-actress told herself and growled silently while she more or less straight wandered to her bathroom, threw off her nightgown and turned on the shower. For such a long time she had tried to push that night out of her mind, to simply forget about it and pretend as if nothing ever had happened. The older woman managed to do that as well, so why did she still think about that? Mikkii stood under the hot water, leaned her hands on the tiles and let the water drip from her hair, run over her body and clean off the sweat from her skin. Was it really already that long since she happened to share the night with that person? Time had flown by so quickly that she could hardly believe it. This woman was the closest she ever had to a relationship ever since she had joined Takarazuka and since then she had been the least. Back then, she actually had believed in what the older woman had told her, that it was just about feeling good and not about emotions. They were not supposed to develop emotions for each other while they were working for the theatre, were not allowed to be close to one another, yet they were just human beings, weren’t they. They all craved for the touch of another person that was not formal and only restricted to one person and since a lot of them were Otokoyaku, representing men, it was almost like being with one. Just… maybe a little bit better. Whatever had happened that night, she knew it would be stuck in her head for a while again until she was able to let go the feeling she had relived in her dreams.  
“And just because Miyacchi happened to flirt with you”, Mikkii sighed and closed her eyes as her forehead fell against the tiles. It wasn’t that long since the rest of Kurenai 5 invaded her private space, spent the evening with her and had felt Miyacchi closer to her than she was comfortable with. The whole evening they were talking about what to do, had written down ideas and concepts for Kurenai 5 and that short film they were about to record, stole a bit from the food Mikkii had made for herself that evening and she just had let it happen. Yet the whole evening she had felt Miyacchi’s eyes on her sides and even though she had changed into longer clothes, it was like the older woman had been undressing her with her eyes. It wasn’t like she minded a lot. They all were used to getting stared at by their fans, on stage and off stage, yet she felt kind of tingling. Her dream reminded her where she had felt this before, that itch in her back that made her shiver, made her feel hot and cold. Then again she wanted to just forget about all this, these feelings and the desires that threatened to overpower her like they did back when she simply had given in, was kept awake all night and had the most thrilling experience in her life. She shook her head.  
“No. Not today. Not now. Not tomorrow and not the next day. And not with her…”  
Mikkii sighed and turned her shower cold.  
  
Even more freezing than before, Miyacchi left her apartment and pulled closer her jacket. For this time of the year, it was way too cold and for some reason, maybe the thick clouds, it was still dark. However that would not stop her from doing what she had set in her mind. Usually she wasn’t the type to do the first step, however her little game with Shiiran had turned into a bet lately and since she appeared to be winning, she didn’t want to take any chances. There was only her pride on the line, yet that was enough. Maybe she would get anything out of it, too. It wouldn’t hurt getting to know baby-Mikkii closer. Actually she liked the younger woman in some way. She was quiet, cute and shy, yet there was just something in her eyes that told her that this was only the Otokoyaku she had created. Her bet with Shiiran wasn’t really priority any more. She was more interested in what lay behind the mask, how the girl really was and if she was able to tickle it out of her for the sake of Kurenai 5.  
The Hoshigumi-actress made her way through the street and into the next supermarket for getting breakfast. When she had been in the other woman’s kitchen, she already had seen that the girl didn’t really have any food around. Her plan was to go over to her place, just enter as she did before, maybe not as offensive as she was with Shiiran at her side, and have some breakfast with her before going to rehearsals. For some reason she felt as if she was a love-drunken boy, craving for the attention of his beloved one, however she simply smiled by the thought. Love was different. This was curiosity. Miya was curious about how Mikkii would react without others around, without the protection that her precious friend gave her and that Mikkii herself failed to notice. Miyacchi sighed a bit when she took the bag with the breakfast and walked down the street. It took her longer than expected. The traffic was heavy, the people already awake at this early hour and she drifted off this much that her walking speed was low enough for a little girl to casually walk past her. Miyacchi pushed up her hat a bit to take a look around, yawned once more and turned around. Even though her mind was elsewhere, she had missed the street where she was supposed to turn right. Mikkii didn’t live very far from the theatre but far enough to get lost on the way. However when she finally found the apartment, the old lady was kind enough to hold open the door for her. Miyacchi bowed a bit and smiled.  
“Thank you. And good morning”, she said and wanted to go on further when the lady started talking.  
“Are you one of Mitsuki’s friends?”  
Miyacchi turned on her heel and looked at the old woman in confusion before she lay a smile on her lips.  
“Yes. Yes I am. Do you know if she is at home?”  
“She should be. She came back yesterday and didn’t leave as far as I can tell. Could you please tell her that I would be happy if she would come visit me again? I really miss talking to her.”  
Miyacchi laughed a bit. She didn’t expect Mikkii to be so nice to old ladies.  
“I will. Thank you very much.”  
No matter how fit she was, when walking stairs she was untrained and sweated so easily that it embarrassed her in some way. She sighed softly while catching her breath. Hopefully the younger woman was already awake and even if Miyacchi was about to wake her up, she hoped that the other wasn’t one of the grumpy type. Once again she pushed the doorbell, hummed a silent tune and yawned a bit. Actually she hated getting up that early, buying stuff this early in the morning. Miyacchi was the type to sleep as long as she could but now with her bet with Shiiran, she urged to win and that changed her usual schedule she had for each morning including breakfast, brunch, fetching Shiiran and going to the theatre with her. The door opened slowly and she saw Mikkii already perfectly dressed up, yet with unmade hair and with confusion written all over her face.  
“Good morning, sunshine”, Miyacchi sang and smiled. “I hope you didn’t have breakfast already. I brought some.”  
The younger woman looked past her, clearly looking for someone else. Shiiran maybe.  
“Why are you alone? And why this early? I thought you hate getting up early.”  
“Well I was up early. I couldn’t sleep for some reason. And since I was in the area anyway I thought we could have breakfast together.” Mikkii hesitated for a few seconds, stared down on the floor. She had that violet shirt on that Miyacchi had seen on her so often, black pants and some cute, red socks with some kind of picture on the side of the foot. “Well? Are you going to let me in or what?”  
The older woman wasn’t the kind to be patient with anything. Even though she could be a bit shy without Shiiran around, she liked having what she wanted and immediately at best. Plus it was kind of cold outside and she was freezing in her thin jacket. Finally the younger woman opened the door, let her in without any response, so she got inside. In the soft light of the rising sun, the room looked so much friendlier than last time she was inside, even though not much had changed. There was an empty cup of tea on the table, the photos were still on the same spot and the blanket was unmade on the couch. Still the room whispered to sit down, cuddle up in the corner of the couch and fall asleep once more. Miyacchi just decided to ignore the voice murmuring in her head and looked over to Mikkii once more.  
“Actually I didn’t expect you to be awake already at this hour. And all done and dressed, too. Did you have a rough night?”  
Mikkii sat down on the small table, turned the empty cup upside down and put the spoon right beside it.  
“You could say that, I guess.”  
Miyacchi raised her eyebrow, sat down in front of Mikkii and watched her closely. It was easy to say that she was uncomfortable with something.  
“May I ask why?”  
“I had an… interesting dream. I don’t really want to talk about that.”  
Once more Miyacchi raised an eyebrow on the other woman, lay her hand on the table and watched Mikkii while said woman stared down on her own hands. There was something going on in her mind, she just couldn’t put her finger on it. Her eyes became empty for a split second, her nails clawed the back of her hand and she avoided her gaze at all costs. Maybe it was better to change the subject so that she wouldn’t feel THAT uncomfortable.  
“Uhm alright then. How about we get some dishes and have breakfast?”  
The younger woman looked up just a bit before her eyes wandered over to the bag Miyacchi had brought with her. Their eyes met again and the older woman smiled softly. It seemed that it tickled out one of Mikkii as well. She saw it when Mikkii got up, hid her face by turning her back to her guest and entered the kitchen. Shortly after, Miyacchi heard the dishes getting pulled out of the cabinets.  
  
Mikkii didn’t expect the breakfast Miyacchi forced on her to be so… nice. Without Shiiran around, the older woman was way different from how she usually was. She didn’t have that feeling of getting stripped down to her underwear as she did before, even managed to keep up a pleasant conversation while they ate and even have an honest smile on her lips. Even after they finished eating they continued talking, laughed and, being in the same group, they came to talking about Kurenai 5.  
“So what has Beni planned for this anyways? I still have no idea what we are going to do”, Mikkii questioned and laid her arms on the table, pushed back the plate and leaned her head on her hand. “When I asked Renta, she was talking about something of her biker suite.”  
“Lately, the leader writes down everything she has in mind. Shiiran had the idea that we all act out a small scene with each other. Something romantic for the Fangirls to chew on.”  
Mikkii grinned a bit.  
“We should dress up Beni as girl. I would surely love to flirt with her.”  
Miyacchi laughed out loudly and leaned back.  
“I didn’t expect something like this to come from you. But seeing Beni as girly girl would surely be funny.”  
“Well…” The younger woman scratched her cheek. “There is a lot you don’t know about me I suppose.”  
“Then tell me.”  
“What?”  
“Tell me about yourself. I’m curious.”  
Mikkii hesitated. She wasn’t ready to trust this woman, no matter how nice she was to her. No matter how fascinating her big, sparkling eyes were, how soft her facial structure and how catchy her laugh was, she was still a stranger. A woman she only happened to know. Carefully she smiled and looked down for a second.  
“Maybe another time.” She earned a soft groan from Miyacchi and looked up in confusion. “What?”  
The older one rolled her eyes.  
“Mikkii. We know each other ever since you joined Hoshigumi, even though we have never been that close I try to getting to know you so we can be friends.”  
“I don’t trust people that easily. That’s all.”  
“But what stops you from trying to trust in me for once? You’re close to Renta and I also know you and Beni are connected closer somehow. And we’re all Kurenai 5. We’re a team, so why can’t we be friends as well?”  
Once more Mikkii avoided the other’s gaze. She had a point somehow, but trust was not easily gained. At least not from her. She learned the hard way that she should just cling to another, not to trust them easily or else she would pay the price. She looked up a bit, met Miyacchi’s anticipating eyes.  
“Why do you want to be my friend so badly?”  
“Why shouldn’t I?”  
“You must have a reason. It’s not normal that you just stand in front of someone’s door this early just for breakfast and talking. I’m not stupid, Miya. So don’t lie to me. What is it you really want from me?” The other woman fell silent. It was her time to avoid the younger one’s eyes by looking over to the window. Silence fell between them. “Well? Are you going to answer me?”  
Miyacchi sighed and looked at her, smiled a bit.  
“I suppose you’re right. Maybe my action was a bit… harsh. But listen out before you give me a speech. I liked you even before we started Kurenai 5 and now that I have the chance to get to know you better, I really want to take it. I’m sorry if I was too quick. I just have the feeling we have a lot in common.”  
“You still didn’t say why it is me”, Mikkii said in a slightly more aggressive voice than she intended. Miyacchi flinched once more and she was immediately sorry when she saw the sad eyes of the other woman.  
“I always have Shiiran around me. She’s the only person I ever opened up to, that I was interested in. Maybe I just… wanted to meet another person to open up to? I get bored and lonely easily.”  
Again, Mikkii felt sorry that she had reacted that angry at Miyacchi’s plead. She started kneading her fingers, bit her bottom lip a little and stared on the blank table in front of her. The older woman really seemed to be interested in her. Maybe she should give her a chance to get to know her? After all, that was how she became such good friends with Renta. The slightly older woman had been very persistent when she first showed interest in her, annoying almost, up to the point where Mikkii had just given in and let Renta in her life. The intruder had become a very valuable friend, one of the persons she trusted most and she knew she could place her faith in if everyone around her failed, a shoulder to lean on when she felt bad. Even after this night the mere trespasser in her life held her tight and comforted her without asking any questions. Mikkii’s shoulders fell down when she sighed.  
“I… I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry about how I reacted.”  
She looked up a bit, felt her eyes water a bit, however when she looked at Miyacchi she didn’t see any anger in her eyes. She was smiling and her eyes sparkled once more.  
“Oh I’m not upset with you at all. So does this mean you are willing to trust me?”  
“I can try, I suppose. But don’t expect me to do it right now. It’s not easy getting into my life.”  
“Well why don’t we make a game out of it then?”  
Mikkii raised her head a bit more, blinked in confusion.  
“Game?”  
“Yes. Game. I love games. How about we start spending more time together and I try getting to know you better?”  
“That doesn’t sound like a game to me.”  
Miyacchi leaned forward, grinned even wider.  
“Then how about that: I try finding out something that not even Renta knows.”  
“And if you succeed?”  
“Then you’re going on a date with me.”  
Mikkii nearly fell down the chair.  
“A… what?”  
“A date. You know. Going out together. Going to a movie and then go eat something. The usual.”  
The younger woman felt herself blushing deep red, leaned back, unsure what to say. She failed to look into the other’s eyes again.  
“I-I-I… W-why??”  
“Why not? Don’t you like me?” Mikkii blushed even harder and made Miyacchi laughing in the process. “It’s just the first thing I thought about. Don’t be so shy about it. We can just see where it takes us, okay? We’ll just go as friends, alright?”  
The younger woman sighed out, lay her fingertips on her sleeve and bit her bottom lip. It was… just a game, right? And her chances of winning weren’t this low. There only very few things that Renta didn’t know about and those secrets were strictly kept in her own head. She never had written anything down. She didn’t have any diary or something like that.  
“What if I win?”, she asked and looked up. “What if you can’t find out anything about me that Renta doesn’t already know?”  
Miyacchi smiled and crossed her legs under the table. She also laid one finger on her cheek, tapped against it a few times and grinned at her shortly after.  
“If you win, I’ll grand you a wish. Anything you want. And even if you want me to just fuck off, I’ll do it.”  
Once more the younger woman sighed, then put a smile on her lips. She knew that a ‘no’ wasn’t going to satisfy Miyacchi and to be honest, she was interested in that game as well. She was curious how the other woman wanted to find out about her inner thoughts that were recorded nowhere.  
“Fine. You can try if you want to. But don’t be sad if you can’t find anything.”  
Miyacchi got up from her chair, grinned at her.  
“It’s a deal then.” She nodded. “I’m looking forward to it. But I guess we should hurry up a bit. Rehearsals start soon and Beni said something about trying on some costumes for the Kurenai 5 video.”


	5. Tall and Handsome

Miyacchi and Mikkii entered the Theatre together, were straightly called downstairs before they had the chance to enter their rehearsal rooms at all. There they found the remaining Kurenai 5 members all hyped up, jumping around between different costumes from the storage and gossiping. The three actresses leaned over a notebook that had Beni’s handwriting on it, flipped through some pages and the two of them joined the rest of the group just as Renta disappeared between a few of the costumes.  
“What is all the uproar about?”, Miyacchi asked and looked over to Shiiran. Her friend had one page pinched between her lips, one in the other hand and pointed on one note on the paper. Just then she saw that the other pages lying around. They were lists about the costumes hanging around, numbered and labeled. The Hoshigumi-actress raised her eyebrow and looked up to Beni. “What is going on?”  
Beni grinned over to her, raised the pink pen in her hand and pointed over to Renta who was just making her way through something that looked like bunny-suits. She had one of her favorite sweaters on: a deep red one with black stripes. It was fluffy.  
“They allowed us to lend some costumes for our movie. We’re discussing who is getting what.”  
She looked over to Mikkii. The younger woman got on her toes, stretched out to get a better view of the place and obviously searching for Renta. Miyacchi smiled a bit and looked back at Beni.  
“Well suits me. As long as I don’t get something from Lady Oscar.”  
Beni and Shiiran exchanged some looks before their leader crossed out one point on her paper.  
  
When Renta came back from one of the rows, she held some costumes in her hands. One more ridiculous than the other. She put them on one of the desks.  
“There. That’s all I found for your pirate-idea”, she said and looked at Beni. Why did she volunteer to gather the costumes while Shiiran and Beni got one idea after the other? Maybe because she was the youngest of the three. However when she saw Mikkii and Miyacchi, her mood lightened a bit. “Good morning!”  
Mikkii smiled over to her and returned her greeting before she joined Miyacchi’s side and looked into the notes. For some reason the second youngest of the Otokoyaku found it strange that the two of them appeared at the same time. She had expected Mikkii much later.  
“Good morning”, her friend answered with a smile on her lips that she rarely saw lately. A soft, somehow relieved smile, sunshiny and warm. It was one of the more adorable sides of her. She turned to Beni, gave her just the same smile as she pushed herself between their leader and Shiiran while Miyacchi leaned over from the opposite side of the table. “What are you searching for anyway?”  
Beni grinned and let her finger run over the list she had made.  
“So I came up with a few ideas. Each of us will act a very small scene with each other. Something to tease the fans and make them squeal so they continue watching. And since we’re Otokoyaku we should dress up as different characters. I made a list full of ideas.”  
Renta walked around Beni, laid aside the costumes. The three of them just came down and even she had no real idea what their leader was up to. She took a look at the notes. There were their names written down as well as the ideas just below that. It went from ‘pirates’ over to ‘cats’, names of different plays and so on. There was also written ‘bunny-suits’ written under each of them except Beni’s name. Her name at the top just said ‘samurai’.  
“So you’re going to go all samurai then?”, the younger woman asked and looked up to Kurenai Red.  
“Sure. I love Samurais. And I already have a costume in mind.”  
“Are you going to tell us?”  
“Nah. Not yet. You’ll see.”  
Shiiran leaned over.  
“So…”, the dark haired woman started. She had already started to be color coordinated and started wearing blue. “Why don’t we go with a theme? Like… dark and handsome or something.”  
Beni stared at her paper for a while, clearly thinking about what Kurenai Blue just had told her. As much admired and mysterious she was for the audience, as soon as she was alone with people she felt comfortable with she was easy to read. Her eyes flew over the paper and she tapped the pen in her hand on the table while she looked over to the costumes that Renta just sorted out.  
“I guess it wouldn’t hurt. How about we split up and search individually?” Beni looked up and smiled. “Everyone searches for something that he thinks will suit him best. Or something that would look good on each other. Let’s get about three to four outfits and we will meet here again.” Everyone agreed and wandered off on their own into individual rows. Just as Renta turned to get into another, Beni grabbed her wrist and pulled her roughly. “You come with me. I have something for you in mind.”  
“But… but Beni…”, she tried to call out, but the taller woman dragged her behind her. Renta almost fell. That woman had strength in her arms that she wasn’t even aware was possible. Then again she always lifted Musumeyaku like they weighted nothing. The older woman dragged her along the costumes of BeruBara, some Elisabeth was there, too, she recognized something that looked like Tsukigumi’s Higher than the Sky of Paris before Beni abruptly stopped so Renta ran into her, nearly making both of them fall. She pushed aside a few of the costumes before she pulled one out.  
“There it is. Here. Try that on.”  
In front of her nose was a biker-costume. Hell knew why this thing was down there, however it was rather small to be that of an Otokoyaku. Then again, Renta was a short person and the costume seemed to be around her size. She took the costume and held it at her body.  
“Why do I get to be the biker?”  
“Well you have that helmet at home, don’t you? And I suppose the role would fit you. Maybe a racer-story would fit you well.”  
“I… guess so?”, she said and smiled innocently. Then again she could get used to the idea. She always wanted to play the role of a car racer or a bike racer in that case. When she raised her head again, Beni had already turned her back on her again. “Where are you going?”  
“Searching for the Scarlet Pimpernel outfits. Shiiran would fit well into Chauvelin.”  
  
Mikkii made her way through the rows of costumes, sometimes pulled one out just to put it back. They were either too sparkly to fit for their ‘theme’, if it even was a theme, too old fashioned, too modern, too usual or just not her size. She liked the idea of having a simple but not so casual look. The question was what she could use. After all she had no idea what would fit her and her character and she didn’t want to go for ‘cute and cuddly’ again. Way too often she had played small boys, young people during their performances and she really wanted an adult role. She could be just as adult, handsome and grown up as the other actresses if given the chance. A chance she rarely got. Talking about adult role, just as she passed a few of the costumes, she found some very familiar to her. The role she had there was dorky, nonetheless, however at least it had been an adult. She pulled out the costume, smiled a bit at the glittering fabric, let her fingers run above the smooth surface. It hadn’t been one of her favorite roles, but she had enjoyed it a lot. Paris from Romeo and Juliette. When she had the chance to play this man, she enjoyed it a lot and she had to admit that even she thought that she looked quite sexy in all white. Usually white added a few pounds and the other’s costumes were cut extremely tight because of that, however she never had that problem. Mikkii knew her body was quite fragile, no matter how strong her arms were, and the white just fitted her. Carefully and with a smile on her face she hang the costume back, looked further through the costumes from that performance. All of the white costumes from the ball hang right beside hers, all labeled and sorted. However the ones of Romeo, Mercutio, Tybalt and Benvolio weren’t among them, so she walked a little further just to find the desired costumes at the end of the row. She passed Romeo’s costumes, skipped Benvolios and stopped right beside those who had been Teru’s and Beni’s. She took one out, hang it on the pole so she had both hands to feel the soft fabric, trail the details with her fingertips and look at it intensely. She had always liked this particular piece. The color, the details, the way it was tailored and the way it had fitted on its wearer’s body. Her smile faded a bit. She remembered the day really well when she saw her in that particular costume. She had been beautiful, stunning. Remembering her dream made the feeling of her heart tightening even worse.  
“You’re over that”, she whispered to herself. Her gaze flew down the row and she could swear she heard her laugh while running up and down not far from her. “Even if you talk to her about it… what good would it do you?”  
Mikkii sighed and laid her forehead against the fabric where the shoulder was supposed to go before parting once more and hanging it back where it belonged. Now matter how hard she would beg, the other would never listen to her. Ever since that day that followed after the night that still haunted her dreams, the older woman pretended as if nothing had ever happened. She would continue to do so, especially with others around. They both had known it couldn’t have last, yet it still pained her inside that she had never talked to anyone about it, ever. Not even to her. That night would forever stay inside her head, her begging unheard by those around her.  
“Just stop it…”, the young actress whimpered to herself once more before continuing her search while her mind was set on different things.  
  
“Did you find something?”, she heard while she looked through a few old costumes and pulled one out, hang it right over another one she just had found seconds ago.  
“I found a few things, but I’m not sure they’re my size.”  
She heard Beni laugh while the woman came closer and started looking through the things she found. She took out one in particular, held it in front of her body for a few seconds before turning to her entirely.  
“Shiiran? Are you even serious? That was Wataru’s costume.”  
The younger woman looked up, blinked in surprise before she smiled a bit. She had picked out Kozuki Wataru’s costume from Neo Dandyism, a costume that she had always liked really much.  
“What? I think that it would look awesome on you. Or on me. That depends.”  
Beni grinned at her and let the costume hang on one of her fingers.  
“You just want to try it on. We wanted to go with ‘handsome’ and not with ‘hot and sparkly’.”  
She laughed and scratched her cheek.  
“Well you got me.” She took the costume, put it back where she had found it. “So did you find what you were searching for for Renta?”  
“Sure. I guess she likes it. Did you find anything for yourself?”  
“No. Not yet”, she sighed and pushed aside a few older costumes before she let her hand run through her hair. “It’s either too common, too old fashioned or just simply too sparkly. Or too… let’s call it special, okay?” She turned to face her leader. “How did you decide for your costume so fast anyway?”  
Beni grinned and walked over to her, started looking through some familiar looking costumes.  
“I just thought about what I really liked playing or doing. And that was the first thing to pop up in my head.” She stopped and stared at one costume in particular. “Don’t you like mixing drinks?”  
“Sure”, Shiiran answered, took the costumes she had sorted out in her arms. She had picked out a few uniforms which she thought would good on Miyacchi or Renta. “Why do you ask?”  
She looked over to Beni who just happened to pull out a plain, white shirt, a vest, trousers and something that looked like an apron. She tried figuring out where it had been from, but taking a wide guess from the dark, glittering coats, the different dresses and one very particular white one, she would say it was something out of Elisabeth.  
“Did you ever think about a bartender? You would look hot with that.”  
The leader held the costume over to her and Shiiran accepted it, thinking about it for a moment. She knew how to mix drinks since her and Miyacchi had the idea to have some cocktails at her home once and she knew that those aprons looked good on her. She knew that moment why Beni was their leader out of all people. The older woman knew how to get into people’s minds, could see the world from their point of view and knew what was best. Sure, the woman had a few habits that made her difficult to handle sometimes, like her jumpy mood, however she cared deeply for what and who she liked and loved.  
“Actually… why not? I’ll take it”, she said, grinning all over her face. “I found some stuff for the others, too.”  
“Great! Then let’s get back and wait for the others. Maybe we find one thing or another along the way.”  
  
With Shiiran right behind her, Beni made her way back to the entrance of the large room, more like the hall, however she somehow lost the younger woman somewhere between Rome at Dawn and Roses of Versailles. Whatever, she thought to herself. She would show up again. Hopefully. She simply held the costumes in her arms tighter, walked through the rows and when she came back to the table where they first had left off, she found their youngest member sitting on top of it, flipping through the pages of the register. The younger woman had her back turned to her, yet Beni could easily see that something was on her mind. Her head was bowed, her shoulders sank and she held her head. Quickly she hang aside the costumes before she sat down beside her friend.  
“What’s wrong, Mikkii?”, she asked. “It’s not like you to be down like that.”  
Surprised the younger woman looked up and over to her, lay the register in her lap. Her eyes left hers quickly and instead she stared she stared at the opposite wall.  
“I’m not down. I’m just looking through the costumes. I don’t know what look to go with.”  
“Oh don’t lie to me.” Beni softly punched the younger woman’s upper arm. “I know you… how long? Ever since you joined Hoshigumi? And I can tell that something troubles your mind. You were so cheerful when you first came. What happened?”  
Silence was all she earned. Mikkii lowered her gaze, stared on the papers on her lap. Beni could hear Renta and Shiiran laughing out loud from way back. Obviously the two of them were enjoying themselves.  
“Nothing happened.” Beni looked back at the younger woman. “I just feel a bit down. That’s all. Don’t mind me. Everything is fine.”  
The older woman continued to look at the other woman. Once in a while she saw Mikkii’s eyes wander to her side, clearly checking in the corner of her eye if Beni was still looking at her. Yet it was easy to see for the older actress that it was not fine. She knew that particular look. Mikkii always had it in her eyes when she was not ready to talk about something, that she had when she avoided every question and every accuse thrown at her. She reached out and touched the other’s cheek which made the younger one flinch and finally look at her.  
“Whatever it is, don’t let it trouble you too much. We’re not here to solve any problems or to be sad.” She smiled. “You’re much easier to get along when you smile. We both know you’re talented. All you have to work at is getting more open to the others and not pulling back like you do all the time.”  
Mikkii looked deeply into her eyes and Beni noticed a few single tears in the corner of the other’s eyes. Whatever was troubling her sat deep inside her head. Yet she put on a smile.  
“That is not solving my problem. But thank you anyway”, she whispered and got a bit closer to her. Beni let her just lean her head against her shoulder and lay her arm around the fragile body like she was used to. Mikkii often came to her when something lay heavy on her shoulders and she didn’t want to talk to Renta about it. Her friend tended to overreact at other people’s problems, often screamed at whoever was the cause for her friend’s misery. Beni knew that Mikkii wasn’t the kind of person who wanted her problems to be made public and Renta, in contrast to Mikkii, often showed her emotions and wasn’t really able to hold back her thoughts. Beni pulled the woman in her arm closer to hers, felt the younger one slightly shaking and holding back some tears. She was about to ask if she really was okay, which she was clearly not, ask if she wanted to talk about it or if she wanted to go outside for some fresh air. Instead she decided to change the subject.  
“So why did you come in with Miyacchi? I expected you two to come separately.”  
“I…” Mikkii gulped and inhaled a bit to stop her voice from shaking. It worked. She calmed down a bit and stopped shaking. “I met her along the way and we came down here together.”  
Beni smiled a bit. When Mikkii concentrated on other things she surely would calm down completely and smile again like she did before.  
“So you like her? I mean you’re not mad or anything that they are part of Kurenai 5?”  
The younger one pulled back and looked up at her.  
“Why would I be mad? It’s your group. You’re leader, not me.”  
“I just don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable. I’m your friend and I know how much you dislike being with ones you’re not familiar with.”  
For a few moments, Mikkii simply stared at her and, unexpectedly, smiled. It threw the older woman a bit off guard.  
“I think I can get along with them.”  
  
Around half an hour later, the Kurenai 5 members gathered around the table once more. A lot of the costumes lay on top of it, some hang at different poles and the five women discusses about their choices. Mikkii held back since she still had no idea what to think of that whole idea. She stood silently beside Renta, who kept her biker suit tightly in her arms. It was already decided that she would go for that look and Mikkii even joked about her playing a soft hearted biker by picking up that small electronic plush puppy she owned up and letting it sit inside her helmet. Beni was fascinated by that idea and immediately wrote it down. They also came up with the idea of putting one of them inside a dress to have a counterpart for their acting. Plus some of the fans simply loved seeing their favorite Otokoyaku in a dress.  
“Oh no. No way. I’m not going to put that on”, Miyacchi complained as Shiiran gave her that look that spoke more than a thousand words. “You’re not getting me into a dress.”  
“Come on. It would look good on you”, the other part of the AzuRuri couple said and grinned widely.  
“No.”  
Renta decided to interfere, turned on her spot and took a bright pink dress she brought with her, looked at it closely and got over to Beni. Mikkii raised her eyebrow on her friend, watched as Beni blinked in surprise when the other woman held said dress against the oldest member’s upper body. Mikkii threw a quick look over to Miyacchi, who returned her gaze, grinned widely shortly after.  
“Being the leader”, she started. “I think that you should put on the dress. It looks quite good on you.”  
Beni jumped back with a slight scream.  
“What? You’re kidding me, right?”


	6. Maybe I'll give it a try

Once more Mikkii sighed and shook her head.  
“Wrong once more. Are you starting to just make up things?”  
She looked over to the other woman who prepared just a few feet away from her. She still only had on her shirt and her jeans, stood bare food in front of the giant mirror and was fixing her make-up. They were already late and the others surely were already filming for their short ‘trailer’, Beni’s ‘baby’ as they called it. It had took them a while to decide who was getting which costume and Mikkii herself was one of the candidates who took longer to decide. She had refused the pirate-costume and the green… thing that had reminded her of some kind of bird or flower or something among those lines. Miyacchi, trying to get into her boots, had decided for a doctor-character in request of Shiiran. The older woman fitted quite well into that role, acted mysterious and sexy when she put on the glasses and the coat she had. Then again she was the complete contrast when she was out of the costume. During the time they first went down to look for costumes, the time finally choosing them and the day they would record, Mikkii learned that the older actress was a loveable person. That was, as long as she was not around Shiiran. Together with her best friend she tended to be sarcastic, sometimes mean, made little effort to understand the people around her and took pleasure in doing so. Then again when Miyacchi visited her, often with a movie in her hands, food or sweets, she was kind and completely different. Even though the younger woman didn’t show it in front of the others, she already valued Miya as one of her friends. Luckily Renta and Shimon were around only once when Miyacchi had visited her and there the older woman knew how play her part while she thought of an excuse. Mikkii didn’t want anyone to know that the older actress visited her on a regular basis, spent her evening with her and sometimes even stayed at her house. It was something only Renta and Shimon used to do. However the only thing that started to annoy her was that bet that Miyacchi took way too serious sometimes. Whenever she had the possibility, she would ask her out, trying to get any information out of her and accuse her of different rumors that she had heard from other actresses. Some were quite close to personal information, however not that accurate that Mikkii would approve any of this, others were mere guessing and pure inventions. Also Miyacchi’s first so thought out tries and speculations quickly turned into random things she pointed her finger on. Once in a while she said something right, some things that were not that known from Mikkii, however all of these things were familiar to Renta. Miyacchi failed a lot because of that.  
Renta. Usually Mikkii spent most of her free time with her friend, however in the last few days, Kurenai Yellow had been wrapped up by her schedule and Shiiran. Now that she had started paying more attention to it, Mikkii guessed that the older woman had a thing for her close friend, however not being familiar with these subjects, it was just a guess. Why else would she always try to be close to the younger actress? Aside from both being in Hoshigumi, they had no real connection, yet Shiiran and Renta somehow seemed to like each other, spent a lot of time together and sometimes joked with each other in front of the others. All in all, the members of Kurenai 5 got along well and Mikkii was more than happy to have more time to talk to Beni again. It always had been hard to keep in contact with the older actress since she was always busy and rarely had a time off. Even if she had, she would usually prefer Tomomin over her. It somehow hurt her feelings since they were friends and all, yet she sometimes wished that Beni would cast aside her best friend for her once in a while.  
“No I’m not. I swear these are rumors and I figured I have nothing to lose.” Miyacchi grinned over to her and put the glasses on her nose. “It’s not like you need to get offended by it.”  
“I’m not. I quickly learned not to”, Mikkii answered, walked past the other woman and searched for her shoes in the room. “Let’s just get ready and go do some work. You can check off the rest of your list this evening.”  
She only saw the older woman cross her arms in the mirror while she put on her boots and hid most of it under her white trousers.  
“Are you inviting me over to dinner?”  
“I promise that we would cook together once, didn’t I?” Mikkii turned and smiled over to her friend. “I already bought everything yesterday. We just need to prepare it.”  
She saw Miyacchi’s confused face, however it turned into a smile quickly.  
“And there I hoped that it wouldn’t just be an idea for Brilliant Dreams. Even though I wonder that you even remembered.”  
Mikkii smiled and turned once more to get her jacket. In her back she heard the sound of Miyacchi throwing her coat over her shoulders, heard a quick ‘hurry up’, followed by the sound of the door. Sighing the younger woman put on her jacket, buttoned it up all the way and arranged the collar once more when she looked inside the mirror. That all white captains suit fitted her quite well and she liked it even though she sometimes felt some gazes in her back that she didn’t like. She couldn’t quite tell, yet it made her feel uncomfortable. Beni had come up with the idea of her being a captain since the other three members had quite and ‘ordinary’ design for themselves and she didn’t wanted to be the only one who jumped more or less out of the line. Mikkii was ready to put on the costume under one condition: Beni would put on the dress when they recorded the trailer. She grinned a bit. Their leader was such a cute girl if she wanted to and when they had fought about what particular dress Beni had to put on, even their Musumeyaku Top Star had interfered and had picked out a dress on their behalf. That pink, ruffled dress and those cute white shoes really made the manly Otokoyaku really girly.  
“Well then. Off to work”, she said to herself and took the hat with her while she walked outside just to find the others already leaning over the camera, watching the clip they just had recorded. Quickly she walked over and smiled over to Miyacchi. Shiiran had the second camera pointed at Beni and Renta to record some ‘behind the scene’-footage they could use as bonus. Even though they had two or three people running around, however Beni really wanted to record the whole thing herself.  
  
Just when she looked up from her spot she saw the younger woman walking towards the group and immediately she smiled. Having Mikkii around just made it harder, especially the last few days, to keep her mind focused on important things. With the others around it was made even harder for her to not try to touch her so she stuck to just watching her. The younger woman really had opened up during the short time the five of them had spent together. It went that far that Mikkii sometimes had such a good that she turned on the stereo, put in a CD and started humming and slightly moving her wonderful body to the music. It had been a slight swing and when she looked on the cover, it had said ‘Baseballs’ on it. Whoever that group was. Then again Mikkii really seemed to have enjoyed herself and shortly after all of them were dancing and singing in the small apartment. She still thought it was because of the cocktails they had that evening. One way or another, Kurenai 5 was doing the youngest of them good and she lightened up a bit, even though she started to take over one habit or another from her fellow members. When they were alone, the younger woman tended to be different from what she showed to others, showed her more fragile and yet stronger self. It was still hidden in her sparkling eyes when she showed herself to the world, though hidden to others at the same time. One way or another, that actress, that woman never failed to amaze her every time. Every other would say that she had fallen for her and they sure were right at some point. Who couldn’t? She was beautiful, talented, had a kind character and had so many faces that she never got boring. She found herself smiling wider once more while she watched Mikkii discussing with the woman at her side and taking a look at the camera. She had that white suit on they had picked out for her that made her even more beautiful. The older woman felt like getting over to her, putting her arms around her shoulders, hold her close and burry her nose in that soft hair, inhaling her breath.  
“Well then. Let’s get on with filming, alright?”  
  
The day went by more quickly than expected and the group just finished recording the last bits and pieces of their trailer. Beni had been just too adorable as the person they called ‘Beniko’, the female version of Beni. There were a lot of messing up with some scenes being messed up, people laughing in the middle of it or someone messing up the timing. All in all she had enjoyed it very much, felt light even though she was sweating in that white uniform in the sun. Once in a while she just had sat down under one of the trees, watched the others recording and amused herself over her friend’s clumsiness. However the day passed by and before they even noticed they were done. Mikkii and Renta were the last to check out their recordings, close ups, and re-recorded some of them. She was sure that Miyacchi would either wait for her or just show up at her home like she always did.  
“So what are you doing today?”, her friend asked while the two of them made their way back to the building. Renta had her helmet under her arm while Mikkii held her hat in her hands. The younger woman looked over to her, smiled a bit.  
“I’m making dinner this evening and I wanted to learn my lines. Why asking?”  
Renta laid her arm around her shoulders, grinned and leaned a bit closer to her.  
“I just hoped that you could come over once again. We barely see each other. At least not with the others around.”  
Mikkii grinned a bit. She knew the drill and Renta wasn’t really creative.  
“Yes sure. I know you, Renta. You want me to just pick up a few things on the way and before I know it I buy your food, pick up your clothes from the laundry shop and cook your food.” Renta smiled innocently and scratched the back of her head. She saw that her friend was a bit busted, however Mikkii just laughed and went on. “And anyway: aren’t you invited for karaoke with Shiiran and Beni or something this evening? You said that on the phone.”  
Renta let go of her shoulder, poked her fingers together and lowered her head a bit while looking at her. That puppy-look was usually followed by a pout, however that time Renta left that off.  
“Beni isn’t coming. But I thought… maybe you could come along instead? I… really want you to go with us.”  
The younger woman smiled softly. Sometimes her friend was just too cute when something was embarrassing to her. She could tell that it was because of Shiiran that she was holding back so much.  
“Oh come on, RenRen. Don’t be such a coward. If you like her, just tell her.”  
The older actress knitted her eyebrows and looked over to her for a few moments of silence. Mikkii could basically feel her confusion.  
“Since when did you become interested in relationships? Last time I brought that up you yelled at me for not respecting private life.”  
“You have to admit that things have changed recently. With Kurenai 5 and all.” She gave Renta a warm smile. “And maybe I want to give it a try.”  
Renta stopped on her spot while Mikkii went on further into the building.  
  
Later the same day, Miyacchi walked down the street with a bouquet of flowers in her hand, some food in a bag over her shoulder and in quite a good mood. She wore one of her suits which she thought was fitting for the evening in addition to some spare clothes she brought with her just in case. Before she got around the corner, she stopped and pulled out her note-book. Most of the points on that were crossed out, except for one that was around the beginning of her notes. She still didn’t have the courage for that, however she ran out of options and her curiosity started to kick in once more. She was eager to win that challenge, even though the price was not that high. She had to do it before it got out of control, before, as she feared, would really fall for the other woman. Miyacchi sighed a bit under her breath.  
“I know why you do…”, she mumbled to an imaginary ghost, put away the notebook back into her bag, walked up to the desired house and rang the bell. It took a while but the door opened and she walked in just to find a familiar face cleaning the windows on the ground floor.  
“Good evening, Miss”, she said out loudly and the charming old lady turned around. Ever since she came to visit Mikkii, the lady had nothing better do to than cleaning the floor, the windows or everything else in this house that she could go to. “How are you doing today?”  
The way older lady laughed and put aside her duster.  
“Good evening, Miya. Here to visit Mikkii once again?”  
“Yes. Oh and thank you for the tea last time. It was lovely.” She pulled out one of the flowers from her bouquet, handed it over to the woman. “This is for you.”  
The older woman laughed a bit, took the flower and smiled happily.  
“Thank you. You two need to visit me at some time again. You make such a lovely couple.”  
Miyacchi felt herself blushing a bit, scratched her forehead.  
“Uhm… thank you. I’m sure we will. But I have to get upstairs now. Have a nice evening.”  
She heard the lady calling after her while she hurried up the stairs. Her and Mikkii as a couple? Shiiran would be furious when she found out people already pictured her with the younger actress. Whatever. As soon as this was over, they could get back to normal and she would never have to see that lady again. Once more she put on a smile, pushed the doorbell and Mikkii opened it with a wide grin on her face.  
“You’re here early.”  
Miyacchi could only force herself to not drop her jaw. Even though this was ‘just dinner’ the younger woman looked fantastic. She had an emerald-green shirt under her deep black suit, one silver earring with a red gem on it hang from her ear. The suit made her slim body even slimmer, but it made her even more grown up. The scent coming from inside brought her back to reality and Miyacchi smiled.  
“The traffic was not as heavy as I thought. I even had the chance to buy this for you.”  
She held the flowers over to Mikkii and saw her eyes sparkling as she took them.  
“Thank you so much! How did you know I liked Casablanca Lilies?”  
“To be honest… I looked up your wiki-page.” Both of them giggled. “So did you already start cooking?”  
“I’m almost done. Get in.”  
  
Mikkii still had no idea what had made her put on that suit, however she did. After she had spent the whole day in that captains uniform, she had taken a shower and when she had stood in front of her cabinet, all her mind had been focused on that suit. Miyacchi always was well dressed even though the older woman only came to visit her. So she thought it was appropriate that she showed she was able to be just as well dressed as her.  
“I thought we would cook together”, Miyacchi said when the two of them walked over and Mikkii let the older woman sit on the already prepared table. The younger woman simply smiled at her.  
“I was bored and so I already started. And I guess I was so into it that I just finished. We could prepare dessert together.”  
The older woman laughed and put aside the bag before she pulled out two covered bowls.  
“I already did that. I hope you like pudding.”  
Mikkii smiled even wider and took the bowls, still had the flowers under her arm and walked inside the kitchen where she put the desert in the fridge. She took the flowers and looked at them intensely and it made her smile warmly. That whole thing just had been a random thought she had during her conversation with Renta, but what if Miyacchi really was interested in her? Thinking about it, she didn’t want to turn down the offer if she was given the opportunity. The time she had spent with Miyacchi made her like the other woman a lot. She was not quite sure whether or not to call it love, yet she was very comfortable around her. They had fun together and she simply liked the older woman a lot and that was basically why she had dressed up like that. It was just about being with a person one liked, wasn’t it? It wasn’t lasting, nothing was, however what stopped her from just enjoying the time given to her?  
Carefully she put the flowers into a vase, took the food down and prepared them on some dishes. She should just go for it, one way or another. Skillfully she took the plates, carried both of them to the main room where she saw Miyacchi flipping through that notebook she had become so familiar with. She knew that the older woman kept her notes regarding their bet on it, crossed out the rumors once she asked the younger actress about it. Mikkii found it amusing that the older woman had so many different colors on them. The older one tended to just grab the next best pen she found and usually those were colored ones.  
“Just put that aside, would you? I’m hungry.” The older woman looked up and smiled shortly after, put away her notes and shoved them inside her bag once again. “Why don’t you just give up? You’ll not be able to find out anything anyway.”  
Mikkii sat down in front of Miyacchi, took her chopsticks while still grinning at the other woman. The other returned her smile.  
“Never ever. I never lost a bet ever. And I won’t start now.” She took her own chopsticks. “Thank you for the meal!”  
  
Miyacchi had expected something good, but not that good. She was quite a good cook herself, yet whatever Mikkii had thrown together there, it tasted amazing and she felt like orgasm all over her tongue. That was why she was a bit embarrassed when the younger woman complimented her dessert. During their meal the younger one also had been so charming, sometimes so cute when she became red due to Miyacchi’s comments and all in all just fascinating. She knew why the other fell for her so hard. But that was just the point where she started to get troubled and restless inside. During their meal, she had tried some of the notes on her notebook again to somehow win her bet before she ran out of options. However Mikkii turned down each and every one of them and the older woman scratched them out mentally. When she was once more alone on the table, she leaned her head on her hand while Mikkii took away the dishes to clean them a bit so they wouldn’t stink. At least it made some air to her to breath. She could just not ask, admit there was nothing she could find out about Mikkii that Renta didn’t already know about, knowing that there was one thing that no one except Mikkii and the other knew about. Then again she knew she couldn’t. Those bets and those games she had were like her own personal drug. No one except Shiiran knew about this. No matter how happy, how open she was, those bets were like an itch in the back of her head. She just got bored so easily. Well it was not so much the bets itself, it was about being right about something. Miyacchi tended to be domestic even though she tried not to. It got even worse when she knew that she was right and knew that she shouldn’t tell. Slowly the woman got up from her chair, looked around the room and leaned down to her bag once more, took her notebook and flipped to the fifth page once more. There was only one thing circled in. A name. She had talked to her about it. However she had no idea how the other would react. As far as she knew, she never had talked about it with anyone. Not even Renta and that meant something. Once more she stuffed her notes back into her bag and walked over to the entrance of the kitchen. There, the younger one was about to wash some glasses.  
“Hey Mikkii?”, she started and the younger actress turned her head to face her. “Can I ask you something?”  
“Sure. Go ahead.”  
While she hesitated, Mikkii started drying her dishes, had a slight smile on her lips. Miyacchi was still unsure how to handle is. For some reason it didn’t feel so easy as usual just to burst out with it. She decided to just make something up to loosen the mood and to get into it.  
“Do you and Renta… you know… have something going on?”  
The younger actress laughed a bit.  
“You mean if she’s my girlfriend? No. We’re just very close friends, that’s all.”  
“Are you sure? She really seems to be into you.”  
“Don’t make a fool out of you. She’s like that to everyone she likes a lot. You should see her with Shimon. That’s even worse. I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone after all.”  
“Sure? I heard a rumor that you had something going on with that Minori-girl. What was her name?”  
“Haruko? No. She’s just a girl that I went to class with. I like her, but not that much.”  
“So no relationship?”  
“No.”  
“Ever?”  
“I told you. No. Never ever.”  
“Not even just for the sex?”  
“A never had a fuck-buddy if that’s what you’re pointing at.”  
“And you are absolutely sure?”  
Still one glass in her hand, Mikkii turned to face her and suddenly had an quite angered look in her face.  
“Why are you asking? If I had a girlfriend, boyfriend or a fuck-buddy, Renta would have been the first to know and the first to shout it out into the world. Ergo, everyone would have known about it.”  
“Then I suppose Renta doesn’t know about it. And that means I won.”  
“Doesn’t know about what?”  
“Your sex with Teru.”  
The glass smashed on the floor.


	7. It's that one message

Even though Mikkii did not come with them, Renta amused herself with Shiiran and a few others of her friends. Instead, she had called Shimon and the slightly younger actress was more than happy to come along. Even though Renta did feel her friend’s gaze in her back the entire time, felt how the other woman was urged to ask her one specific question, however she was glad that she held back and instead enjoyed the evening just as they all did. A few Hoshigumi-actresses had come along too just as well as Shimon’s new flame. Renta still wondered how the younger woman had managed to win over the heart of someone that was so far away from her at first. Asumi Rio was a nice person as she learned that evening, had an amazing voice and was fun once the ice was broken, however the years that separated them just made this couple so awkward. Still Renta could not unsee those gazes they threw at each other at some point and they were unable to hide it as the evening went on further. The alcohol they had did the job and even Renta, who was able to drink quite a lot, felt a bit tipsy at some point. The more they partied, the worse was their ability to hit notes correctly during karaoke. Sometime in the evening, it was already dark outside and it was Nene’s turn to sing on stage, sleepiness hit her and hit her hard. She yawned and scratched the back of her head.  
“Tired, Renta?”, she heard Shimon’s slurring voice. Said woman sat on her girlfriend’s lap, a drink in her hand and her upper body leaned against her lovers. “You’re used to nothing anymore.”  
“My day was long, so shut up.” The older actress stretched herself a bit before she got up, held herself on the table and blinked to stop the room from spinning. “I’m going home.”  
“Shall I come with you?”  
“You stay with your girlfriend. Don’t want to rip apart you two lovebirds.”  
“No need to be sarcastic about it.”  
Renta just grinned and tried to make her way through the room over to where her jacket hang. However once she was there, she failed to recognize her own. Why did she choose a black jacket out of all things she had in her cabinet? A laugh behind her made her turn around.  
“Can I help you?”  
It was Shiiran. The woman who invented her over to celebrate, whatever it was they were celebrating, was dressed in a deep blue suit, leaned on her position within Kurenai 5. The members kind of got used to wearing their corresponding colors in their free time. It made it easier for each of them to remember their colors. During their first days, they had mixed it up a lot.   
“I’m going home”, she said and let her hand run through her hair, plugged on the edge of her yellow shirt and stared at the jackets once more. “I just can’t seem to find my jacket.”  
The hand was just on the corner of her visuals when Shiiran pulled out one of the jackets before handing it over to her.  
“What are you talking about? There it is.”  
“Thanks…”  
“Shall I drop you off? I didn’t drink and your apartment is just on my route. I could drive you home.”  
“If you wouldn’t mind. I really don’t want to call a taxi at this hour.”  
“Sure. Come along.”  
Renta smiled and took on her jacket before she followed her fellow Kurenai 5 member to her car. She barely got on the other side, fell in and held herself on the armrest while Shiiran was perfectly fine sitting next to her and driving. It was awfully quiet between the two of them. Renta hated silence, however she didn’t feel like talking either. The evening hadn’t been terrible, but it could have been better with her best friend around. It felt like something was missing.   
“Anyways”, Shiiran started, throwing a quick gaze over to her. “Did you enjoy yourself? I thought you love karaoke but you rarely were on stage.”  
“I just didn’t feel like it.”  
“Is anything wrong?”  
“No. Why?”  
“You seem so different from usual.”  
“I’m only drunk. That’s all. Everything is spinning and I need some sleep.”  
A few moments of silence followed before Shiiran started talking again.  
“Sure. If you say so. I’ll bring you upstairs, okay? I don’t want you to fall off the stairs. Or fall on the floor and fall asleep in the hallway. What would your neighbors think?”  
Renta let her head fall back and closed her eyes. Immediately she felt drowsy and could only stop herself from falling asleep by pure force. Because of that, she didn’t notice the other woman stopping the car at first. Only the fresh air that came inside the car when the other one opened the door made her freeze and open her eyes again. She saw Shiiran’s smiling face and sparkling eyes in the moonlight.  
“Come on”, she said in a soft voice. “We’re almost there.”  
Renta’s lips curled just a bit into a smile when the older woman dragged her out, held her while they made their way through the house and upstairs. Each step seemed to be even harder to walk and Renta felt her sleepiness kicking in fully. Shiiran had been right. Either she would have fallen asleep in the taxi or in the hallway. And Kurenai Yellow tended to have a very deep sleep, especially when drunk, so she surely wouldn’t have noticed the sun going up or somebody passing by her. She yawned and let Shiiran made her stand up once they had reached the door.  
“Thank you”, Renta mumbled and searched her pockets for her keys. The older woman watched her closely while doing so and once the younger actress had found what she had been searching for, she tried to figure out which key went into the lock, eventually found it and turned to face Shiiran once more, smiled a bit more this time. “See you tomorrow then.”  
“Sure…”   
The smile faded from the other’s lips. It made her stop and let go of the key in the lock for a second. No matter how drunk she was, she recognized if something was not right.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“It’s just… you didn’t really seem like you enjoyed yourself at all. Sometimes you looked like you wanted to be somewhere else.”  
Renta laughed a bit and leaned against the door so she wouldn’t fall.  
“I really did. It was fun. I just have some swings in my mood from time to time.”  
“I saw that.” Shiiran reached out and seconds later, the younger actress found her fingers entangled with those of the other. She didn’t resist. She couldn’t. The alcohol did its part, or so the thought. “I just wanted to make you happy.”  
Unsure what to say during these first moments, Renta stared down on the hand that was holding hers before she looked up into the dark eyes of the other woman again. She couldn’t tell what was going on in the other woman’s mind, what she was thinking and what to do next.  
“Don’t think about it”, she murmured finally. “I’ll be fine.”  
Once more she lowered her gaze and another silence fell between them. Just at that point, the lights that had brightened up the hallway went out due to the timer and they stood in complete darkness in front of the door, Renta still leaned against it and Shiiran suddenly so much closer than she was before. She could hear the older woman’s breathing, the heat from her body as she touched the younger actress’ cheek and made her look up once more. She couldn’t fix Shiiran’s eyes, yet she knew they were there. Shortly after, she felt the breathing on her skin, brushing her cheek and her lips, felt a shiver running down her spine and finally the pressure of the other’s lips against hers. Unable to resist, her eyes fell shut and her head was forced just a bit into her neck as the older woman got even closer to her, pushed her body against hers and made that kiss, that her body seemed to return on its own, more demanding. Renta wasn’t wearing any heels while Shiiran wore her usual, making the older woman way taller than herself. Enjoying the moment, the tingling that it brought with it, the younger woman put her hand in the other’s neck, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss. Her body acted on her own due to the moment and under the influence of the poison that she had inhaled the whole evening. Then again, her mind triggered when Shiiran let her fingers run over her sides, tickle a soft moan out of her and pushing her fingertips under said shirt. Out of reflex, she broke the kiss, grabbed the other’s wrists and pushed her away.  
“Stop that…”, Renta said and held herself on the doorframe.  
“What is it?”  
“I… I should just go to sleep.”  
She avoided Shiiran’s eyes, however she felt them darting through her.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”  
“You didn’t. But please… don’t try again. I don’t want to be tempted, drunk or not.”  
“… What’s wrong about it?”  
“You wouldn’t understand. Just no. Please… leave me alone okay?”  
The older woman sighed and only very shyly, Renta managed to look up to her. Something was in her eyes but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.  
“Alright. Just think about it once you’re sober. I know I am. Goodnight.”   
  
“H-how…” Unable to grasp what she had just heard, she stood there, the broken glass at her feet and her whole body shivering. Mikkii stared at the woman in the door, felt how she was unable to escape like a rat trapped in a cage. How could she know? It had been her secret. Hers alone.  
“Mikkii calm down. Don’t freak out now.”  
She didn’t even listen to Miya.  
“How?! How do you know?!” She started screaming as she went on further. “I never told anyone about this! No one knew! No one! How could you possibly know about this?!”  
Miya raised her hands in defense, keeping her calm voice while Mikkii felt tears getting into her eyes.  
“I told you to calm down. This is no reason to lose it. Just…”  
The younger woman interrupted her, took a step towards her and felt the sharp edges of the glass hitting her foot. She ignored the pain and just went on.  
“No reason to lose it?! Just because I agreed to your little game doesn’t mean you can just go on and sneak around in my sex life! This is nothing that concerns you!”  
“I didn’t expect you to be so mad about it…”  
“Of course I would get mad! I… I…” She sobbed slightly and fell the tears running over her cheek while she looked down at the floor. “Just… just go.”  
The younger woman pushed past Miya, ignored the older woman calling out for her and headed straight into her bedroom, threw shut the door behind her and seating herself on the bed. She had expected Miya to find out something about her, anything, just not that. Everything but that. Ever since that incident she had tried to push it out of her mind and still she felt her very soul breaking when she was remembered about it. At some points she even had completely forgotten about it, however as soon as she did, that woman crossed her path once more and just one gesture, one view into her eyes made her memory come back. Mikkii sobbed once more, her head fell forward and the tears dripped from her face on her hands that she had on her lap. Her body shook while she still tried to control it. That woman, Teru, had broken her heart so badly that she was still unable to think straight, was immediately reminded of what had happened that night. Her eyes wandered to the door where she still heard Miyacchi walking through the room, surely gathering her stuff to go as she told her to. Why did it have to be like this? The evening had been perfect. So perfect that she even had forgotten about what troubled her mind for so long and to just enjoy herself with another person like she did before it had happened. She even had thought about maybe trying. Trying once more to open herself up to another person, to Miyacchi. She sobbed once more when her head fell down and she closed her eyes. It became quiet around her and she tried breathing more calmly. It was over, she thought for herself. She wouldn’t be able to do it anymore. Not like this.  
“Mikkii?” She looked up and saw the door being opened just a bit. The light fell into the pitch black room and made it hard for her to see. “Are you okay?”  
“Didn’t I tell you to leave?”, she answered in quite an aggressive tone of her voice.  
“And leave you like this? No.” The older woman came in and closed the door behind her, leaving the room in darkness again. “We’re friends.”  
“If we were friends than you would have never even dig there. You’re just thinking about your stupid game.”  
She pulled her nose once again and crawled over her bed to the other side, turning her back to Miya in the process. She was still blind from the light that just had fallen into the room, but she saw clear enough to notice the moon shining through her closed curtains. Once again, there was silence that was only broken by the sound of sheets rustling as Miyacchi crawled onto the bed just behind her. Mikkii refused to look at her, just stared on the floor instead.  
“I told you… I’m sorry. I had no idea that this would hurt you this much.” She didn’t answer. As soon as she would start talking, she felt her tears coming up again, so she just stayed silent until Miya talked once again. “Do you want to tell me what exactly happened?”  
“No.”  
Miya sat down behind her which she only felt by the way the mattress bowed under her. She could just throw her out, force her out of her apartment and out of her life. It would be just too easy, yet she didn’t and couldn’t. Silence ruled between them as Mikkii felt the others’ eyes in her back and her own slowly drying up. She needed to think straight and to somehow overcome the chaos that was inside her head.  
“You didn’t tell me”, the younger one started at one point. Her voice was just a whisper and hardly to be heard. She tilted her head just a bit. “How do you know?”  
“I… wasn’t sure at first”, Miyacchi started with a still calm and collected voice. “When we were choosing our costumes for Kurenai 5, for that trailer, I saw you in front of the Romeo and Juliette-costumes. And I saw you pulling out Tybalt’s costume.” She stopped for a second and Mikkii opened her lids a bit to look at the other woman from the corner of her eyes. “I can’t tell what it was. The look in your eyes you had back there maybe. I watched you as you felt the fabric and I saw you clinging to it as if Teru was still in there.”  
Miyacchi stopped and looked at her hands that were on her knees. The younger woman turned a bit to have a better look at her while she was still unsure how to feel. She was hurt that Miyacchi had snuck around behind her back. On the other she was sad about the feelings that were about to rise inside her again, the sadness she had locked away for so long and the desire, that still lurked in the back of her head.   
“You couldn’t possibly figure that out just by watching me”, she suddenly said and still had that angry tone in her voice that refused to leave her. Miyacchi looked at her with her shining but sad eyes.  
“I know. I didn’t. I was about to just let go of the bait, but curiosity struck me. I just had to find out so I asked around. No matter who I asked, no one seemed to have a clue. So I turned to the only person that could possibly know.”  
“Teru…”  
Miyacchi nodded.  
“She denied everything first.”  
“First?” Mikkii interrupted the older woman and fully turned to her. “What do you mean ‘first’?”  
“I…” Miya sighed and let her hand run through her hair, avoided her gaze once again. “I… made something up so she would tell me.”  
“You did… what?”  
The younger actress felt her voice shaking once more and knew that she was about to get loud again. Miyacchi however leaned forward, grabbed her wrist and held her tight.  
“Please don’t get angry with me. I had no idea. I didn’t know that it would hurt you so much. I was just very curios and I really wanted to find out about what connects the two of you. Even after I made up stories, she wouldn’t tell me everything.”  
“What did she tell you?”  
The older woman gulped and held her wrist a bit tighter.  
“Just that the two of you spent a night together.”  
“Then you know nothing!” Mikkii forcefully pulled back her hand and released herself from the other’s grip before she got up and walked over to the window, crossed her arms and stared through the thin curtains on the shadows that were thrown on it from outside. “So stop pretending like you care. You don’t even know.”  
“Then tell me what happened so I can understand you.”  
“No.”  
She heard another soft sigh from the other woman, heard her getting up and practically felt her coming closer. She wanted to turn around, scream at her to go, yet her body refused to listen to her. She felt the touch on her upper arm.  
“Mikkii… I thought you wanted to give me a chance to get to know you.”  
„You blew it.”  
“I just try to understand you. But I can’t if you cloister yourself away. And I’m not dump. It has to be serious and the fact that you didn’t even talk to Renta about it…” Once more the older one sighed. “You can’t tell me it’s not serious.”  
Mikkii just stared at the curtain, didn’t response yet didn’t push the other back. She wasn’t even focused on what was going on around her, just felt the touch on her arm and was in her own, clouded mind. Her secret could have stayed in there forever, could have been hers and she could have stayed with her own pain for the rest of her life. That was until Miyacchi had shown up and dragged it out of her, yet comfort her at the same time. She felt the arms that wrapped themselves around her body, pulled her close and the body heat that warmed her back as she closed her eyes.   
“I don’t know if I can”, the young woman whimpered and leaned a bit against the touch, lay her hand on the one that rested on her belly. “I locked it up for so long.”  
“You could try. Just step by step.”  
“I don’t think you understand.” She turned in the other’s arms, looked at her and found the sad eyes. Her own anger was just blown away though she still felt shaky and unsure. “I can’t even tell Renta. What makes you think I can tell you?”  
“Because I believe that you can manage to gain trust in people again. You’re such a good hearted person. And… and I guess…” Miyacchi leaned her head against hers, looked deeply into her eyes. “I guess I care for you. More than I should. That’s why I want to release you from your pain.”  
Mikkii felt how her eyes filled with tears again and she started crying while her head fell against the other’s shoulder.  
She didn’t know how long the other held her or how long she had cried, however when the tears dried up once again, she found herself lying in the other’s arms on her bed, safely wrapped in her arms, her head on her shoulder and felt the breathing in her hair. Miyacchi pet her softly, had pulled over the cover over the younger actress and was obviously half-asleep. Her breathing had become quiet and slow, yet she continued stroking her arm. She felt so warm and protected as if she was in Renta’s arms. Her best friend had always been by her side, yet she felt so good in the arms of another. Maybe she could try to trust once again.  
“Do you still want to know what happened?”, she whispered and Miyacchi moved her head just a bit. She didn’t want to look at the other woman.  
“Only if you want to tell me.”  
Mikkii sighed and held herself on the older woman’s shirt. She didn’t want to, yet she felt that it was the only way she could start trusting anyone. All that had happened around Teru had been her nightmare. She lowered her voice so it was only a whisper heard in the silence of the night.  
“It started when Beni, Teru and I were invited for a small show together. Actually even before that. We met way before the show. We already knew each other from rehearsals, but not that good. We decided to go for breakfast together and while we ate, Teru was awfully interested in my private life. I didn’t mind and we had a lot to talk about. Beni seemed to have noticed that Teru planned something, so she would always pull me away from her. Teru somehow got around Beni’s distractions the whole time. I was just too stupid to notice. I didn’t really notice her gazes at first, however I felt her watching me the whole time, even during the show. She would look over to me, talk to me and somehow I even told her how much I admire her. Well in her Tybalt-role that was. When I got to know her personality, I admired her even more. During that break, she followed me to the bathroom, watched me closely and we had a small chat. She took every possibility to touch my face, my hand or my shoulder or keep up the body contact somehow. I wasn’t used to that, yet I let it happen. It felt good and I didn’t mind. At some point, Beni busted in and she somehow was angry with the two of us. I told her everything is alright and that I wanted to invite the two of them over to dinner after the show. Beni just gave Teru that angry look she sometimes has when she doesn’t approve of something and went out again. We decided to just leave it like that and to go back to the show.  
After that, the three of us stayed together for the rest of the day. We went shopping for some new clothes and when it became dark, we went over to my place and I made some dinner. Well at least I tried. I couldn’t reach the rice and Teru helped me get it. I felt her in my back, her body against mine and my heart skipped a beat for the first time that evening. The rice was just enough for the three of us and we talked a lot while we ate. I wanted to make some tea shortly after, but Beni left early because she was tired. When I came back, I saw Teru looking at my pictures and staring at the one with Renta. I ignored it and sat down at the table. I can’t really remember what she had asked me. I wasn’t really listening and I can’t remember how it happened, but before I could even react, I had her all over me and I failed to object to her.” She gulped and inhaled a few times. She didn’t want to start crying again. She still remembered the night very clearly. “The… the next day… I got up and found myself alone. Teru just left a note that she went home to change into something different and that we would see each other during rehearsals. I didn’t mind back then. My clothes wouldn’t fit her and… and we couldn’t be seen together after all, so I went there alone after I got dressed. At first it was just like any other day. We rehearsed but this time I exchanged some gazes with Teru. I could see it in her eyes and she sometimes even smiled at me. Yet that… changed after the break.”  
Her voice died and she clawed the other’s shirt even harder. Miyacchi pulled her arms around the younger actress closer and waited until she was ready to talk on further.  
“She ignored the rest of the day, avoided me and when I came up to her to talk to her, she just walked away. I don’t know what happened. I went to the bathroom and she followed me. Teru slammed the door close behind her and before I could ask what’s wrong, she yelled at me. She told me that I had no right to think that night meant anything to her, that I was just a toy like she had many others and that I should never even look at her again.” Mikkii felt her tears running over her cheeks again. “I tried asking her what happened but she only yelled further at me. Then she just… left. I guess that’s when I lost trust in people.”  
The older woman didn’t answer. Instead, she held her even closer and she even felt the other shaking a bit. It wasn’t the end of her story, but she didn’t want to say that she had left early that day. She was unable to tell that she had scratched open some of the marks that Teru had left on her body and that she still had that one tiny scar on her upper body because of that.   
“Mikkii I… I had no idea…”  
“Don’t. I don’t want you to pity me. That was… long ago. I don’t want to get reminded of it.”  
“There has to be something I can do.”  
“… Just hold me okay?”


	8. It's the other Message

When she woke up again, the pain in her head and in her body reminded her not to fall asleep on the couch again. Plus that pain rang in her head and made her moan out loudly while she tried to turn over. Her one leg hang from the side, as well as her hand, she was cold since her sheet had fallen down over night and she was too tall for her small couch. The ringing came back and Renta squeezed her eyes shut once again. Did she bring her alarm clock with her? Maybe because of rehearsals. She reached out, tried feeling it on the small table beside her couch, yet didn’t find it and threw down one of the magazines instead. However the ringing didn’t stop so the young actress somehow managed to open her eyes a bit, regretted it by a new wave of pain rushing through her caused by the light. Another, more penetrant ring. The door.  
“Just leave me the fuck alone”, she mumbled and dragged herself to her feet. She still wore the same things she had on her when she had entered the door, didn’t make it very far and fell on her couch and had fallen asleep shortly after. She stumbled her way towards the door, almost ran against a corner and the door frame, held herself by the door and opened it a bit.   
“Good morning!”, the person in front of it threw at her. “You look terrible. Were you this drunk?”  
“Beat it. What do you want?”  
Renta rubbed her eyes and tried to stop the floor from spinning. Even though she was able to drink quite a lot of alcohol and only get a bit tipsy, she always had hangovers from just one glass of wine. Her body was just confusing like this.   
“Just checking up on you.”  
“On your free day? Shouldn’t you be with Tomomin or something?”  
“Tomo actually has some things to do today. So may I come in or what?” The older woman held up a bag she had brought with her. “I got breakfast.”  
The younger actress looked up to the taller woman with tired eyes. Breakfast? That wasn’t usually Beni’s style. Not at this hour at least. She knew from Mikkii that the older woman usually slept long on her free day and spent it mostly with chilling. People went to her, not the other way around, and the older actress just got out to do some shopping. She raised her eyebrow on the other woman, took a step aside and let her walk in, followed after the older woman and held her head while she did so. How could someone be in so much pain even though she didn’t have had this much to drink in the first place? She needed some Aspirin or something, so she headed for the corner of the main room that was also her kitchen. She opened one of the cabinets, the top one, crawled up on her worktop and reached inside for the tablets. While she did so, she heard Beni taking a seat, putting the bag on the table and reaching inside for whatever she had in there.  
“I still don’t get why you don’t use the chair to get up there. You take over too many habits from Mikkii if you ask me. I know you two have the same high but…”  
“Beni. Do me a favor and shut up.” Almost in slow motion, the younger actress got down and searched for a glass of water, walked over to Beni and sat down in front of her, leaned her head in her hands. “And? What do you want this time?”  
The smile of the older woman faded a bit and she pulled closer the bag, stared inside.  
“You and Shiiran were on that party yesterday, weren’t you?”  
“Sure. But why does it concern you? I thought you didn’t want to come.”  
“I couldn’t. Tomomin was eager about that movie-night we planned for so long. I mean the movie was great, but the acting was really terrible. Everyone could…”  
Renta interrupted her.  
“Stop. Focus. I’m not interested in your movie night or what kind of bad horror-movie the two of you watched. And I know you like to watch bad bad horror movies.”  
Beni grinned a bit, leaned back on the chair before she got a bit more serious again. Sometimes the older woman needed a slap on the back of her head before she spitted out why she forced down her habits.  
“Was Miyacchi with you?”  
“Uhm…” Renta tried recalling the evening and if she had seen Miyacchi there. “No. I don’t think so. Then again there were a few more people there than I expected. Even Nene came. I went home earlier…”  
The younger actress stopped in the middle of her sentence, stared on her hands. The memory of who had brought her back came back into her mind, the darkness, the breathing against her skin and the pressure against her lips. She blushed immediately. _Just think about it once you’re sober_ , rung in the corner of her mind and out of reflex she laid one finger on her lips. She had kissed Shiiran or better Shiiran had kissed her. The other woman had been so offensive and yet the younger of the two had pushed her back. Her head pained more just by thinking about it and Renta squeezed her eyes shut. She saw the fire and the disappointment in Shiiran’s eyes when the picture popped back into her mind.  
“Are you alright?”, Beni asked and when the younger one looked up, she met worrying eyes.  
“Yes I just… remembered something unpleasant.” She sighed and threw in the tablets, took a sip of her water before pulling over a piece of the breakfast Beni had brought with her. “Why is Miyacchi so interesting to you?” Beni’s eyes wandered to her side, fixed the small couch where Renta had spent the night on. Kurenai Yellow raised her eyebrow and tilted her head, leaned a slight bit forward and tried to find Beni’s eyes again. The older woman’s smile faded away totally. “Beni? What is wrong? Is it about Miyacchi?”  
“Actually… It’s more about Mikkii.”  
  
Her mind only turned on slowly when she felt a soft pet on her hair, however curled up even more under the sheets and let out a silent growl. She didn’t want to get up. Her alarm didn’t even go off and she was so warm and comfortable right now. Then again, the warmth quickly faded while she pulled closer the cover, started shivering a bit and opened her eyes just a tiny bit before she squeezed them shut due to the light that fell in, brightening up the room. Somehow she was cold and she yawned a bit, pushing herself up from under the cover and staring a bit on the sleeve. Did she sleep in her shirt? Raising her sheets, she saw that at least her trousers were still on thanks to the belt. Then again, the belt was open.   
“So much for pants”, she mumbled and pushed away the sheets with her feet. She was still in her suit. However then Mikkii remembered the evening before and found the reason why her eyes felt so heavy even though she slept for this long. Confused she looked around. Wasn’t Miyacchi with her? The young woman slowly pushed herself up, looked around and over to the chair where the other’s jacket was supposed to be. Gone. Her shoulders fell down a bit and she felt her heart tighten like it did before. She was just too familiar with that situation. As soon as she got up, she would find a note on the table. Once more she felt her eyes fill with tears. Why had she been so foolish to trust in this person? Maybe the hope Miyacchi had risen in her for those short, few hours. With a heavy heart and an even heavier body, she dragged herself out of the bed, didn’t even feel like getting out of her suit or to fix her messed up hair, she walked out of the bedroom, wanted to head straight to the bathroom when she heard some clinking of glass. Curiously she walked down the hallway, peeked inside the kitchen. Everything inside her tightened when she saw Miyacchi picking up the shattered glass from the floor, her jacket on the small chair and her hair just barely made. On the hotplates were some pots and it smelled like breakfast. Once more, Mikkii felt her eyes fill with tears and she stood in the doorframe, watched as the older woman threw away the glass before she turned around and gave her a smile.  
“Oh you’re awake already. Did I wake you up?” Mikkii resisted a sob, walked over to the over woman and basically threw herself into her arms, held herself close and pressed her forehead against the others shoulder. Miyacchi laid her arms around her in surprise, held her close. “Hey… what’s wrong? No need to cry.”  
“I thought you were gone”, the younger actress whispered and clawed the other’s shirt. Miyacchi had pulled up her sleeves, one of them came down while Mikkii had been so ‘enthusiastic’ yet still the other held her tight.  
“Why should I? I told you I won’t leave you like this.” The younger one got pulled back and Miyacchi gave her a warm smile. “I’m your friend, remember? And friends are there for one another.”  
“I just… I…”  
“Besides: you owe me a date.”  
Mikkii looked at the slightly taller woman’s grin, blinked and whipped away one of the tears that almost made its way over her cheek. It somehow slipped her mind what the other was talking about since her head still was in chaos. She was incredibly happy that her fears were unreasoned and that Miyacchi was still with her after everything she had heard the day before. The reason the young actress never had told anybody about Teru was her fear to be left alone once more.  
“Date? What are you talking about?”  
“Even though I still am incredibly sorry that I was just snooping around in your life doesn’t mean I forgot about our bet. I won, so you owe me a date.”  
Mikkii’s cheeks blushed slightly as she remembered. However she had promised herself to try trusting in Miyacchi, so she put on a small smile.  
“Fine. I’m a man… woman of my word. What do you have in mind?”  
With a wide grin on her face, the older woman turned to the pots and peeked inside.  
“Well I thought about maybe we could have breakfast together, then I’ll go home to change into something different and I’ll pick you up around midday again.”  
Mikkii tilted her head, still stood there on her spot like a lost puppy.  
“And… where are we going?”  
The older actress laid her index finger on her chin, stroke the bottom of it with her thumb while she fell quiet in order to think. It made the younger one raise her eyebrows. Miyacchi had been so sure about what she wanted to do, yet it seemed like she had no idea at all.  
“So… First, we go shopping. Then I say we could go see a movie and have dinner after that. Then… hm…” She crooked her eyebrows. “We could go over to my place and… I don’t know. Watch some TV? If you want to.”  
Mikkii met the other’s eyes once again and smiled a bit more.  
“Sounds fun.”  
  
“What the hell…”, she mumbled as she almost fell out of her bed. Her phone rang like crazy and even though she had ignored the first two times, the third, fourth and fifth call were enough to make her drag her tired body over to the edge of her bed to grab the phone that laid a few feet away on a chair under her clothes. Shiiran reached out even more, yet just touched the phone with her fingertips.  
“Oh come on. You’re not that short.”  
She moaned out a bit, laid her second hand on the floor to have some support instead of just getting up when she finally reached the phone and pulled it over, fell back inside her bed and rolled onto her back. Her new alarm clock became quiet just the second she was about to pick it up.   
“Just great”, she yawned, pressed the blinking red button and looked up the number that had called her. She didn’t know that one, though it had tried calling her five times now. Maybe she should call back? It could be important after all. Just as she was about to push the button, it rang again, making it almost throw it off the bed in shock. Tiredly she looked at the display. Same number again, so she picked it up.  
“Good morning”, she yawned inside the phone.  
“Shiiran!” She held the phone away from her ear. “What the hell?! Can you tell me what any of this means?!”  
That was why she didn’t have the number. She was only used to call the other’s cellphone.  
“Good morning to you, too, Renta. What are you talking about?”  
“Oh you know very well what I’m talking about!”  
Actually no. She knew Renta tended to overreact on certain things, however she couldn’t think of anything that could make her this upset. Unless…  
“Listen if it’s about that kiss yesterday… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you being drunk.”  
“It’s not about that!” A few seconds of silence. “Well actually…” The voice of the other woman became quieter. “Actually yes it’s about that, too.” Shiiran could practically feel the mind of the younger actress working on the phone due to her change of subject. Renta tended to be a bit jumpy about what she thought about. “What were you thinking anyway?! Just kissing me like that? Are you out of your mind?”  
“You didn’t seem to mind, really. The situation was given and…”  
“That doesn’t give you the right to just come up to me like that!”  
“Renta I didn’t mean any harm. Just calm down for a second.”  
“I…”  
“I will hang up if you continue to scream at me.” Silence again. She heard the younger actress’ breathing at the phone and how it slowly became slower. “There. Now what’s the big deal? We kissed. And? It’s not like it would be the cause for the end of the world.”  
She wouldn’t have minded if the kiss had gone a bit further. Since Miyacchi was so busy with Mikkii, their physical contact became rare. However Shiiran liked that contact way too much to just give up on it. Renta simply came around the right time and she liked the younger woman a lot.  
“For you maybe. I like you, Shiiran, you know that but… but that… is just too much.”  
Shiiran fell quiet. She knew that tone of voice that the other girl had there. It wasn’t about not wanting, she had regret written all over it. But why would she regret that?  
“I don’t think I understand. What are you pointing at?”  
Another silence fell between them and she heard the other Otokoyaku move a chair and obviously sit down on it.  
“Because I can’t. I would hurt someone and I just can’t do it. I don’t want to betray anybody.”  
“So this is about Miyacchi then.” No answer. “Renta?”  
“Beni said she wanted something from you.” The tone of the younger actress’ voice suddenly changed. “She called me if you were with me or not. I told her you’re at home, so don’t be surprised.”  
  
Miyacchi sighed as she sat inside her car, waited downstairs for Mikkii to finally come down. As she had said, the two of them have had breakfast together and the older woman quickly went home to change into something not so formal in order to spend a normal day with the other woman. She had changed into a plain, white shirt, a black scarf, some jeans and a red jacket. It would do for the day and at least her hair was finally made. She already had called the younger actress that she waited, yet that had been ten minutes ago. Sighing she lay her head back.  
“What takes her so long?”, she mumbled to herself, looked out the window once more and watched the cars driving by while tapping her fingers on the wheel. The door was ripped open and Miyacchi jumped on her seat while the younger actress seated herself beside her.  
“Sorry”, she younger one said. “I couldn’t find my keys.”  
“No problem.” She looked at the other woman, noticed the kind of blackish jeans, the green shirt and the black tie. She smiled a bit. “You look good.”  
The younger one looked at her and pulled out a watch which she put around her thin wrist before giving her a warm smile.  
“Thank you. I like what you wear as well.”  
She grinned at the other woman.  
“Then thank you as well. But I need a few new shirts.”  
  
Beni was still unsure what to say or what to think. She had expected Renta to freak out, yet not this much. She had no one else she could have talked about it to and the younger actress had been her first choice, however she regretted it. No one knew how Kurenai Yellow would handle the other members now that she knew about her theory. Beni knew she wasn’t almighty. She knew she wasn’t aware of everything that happened around her but she just felt when someone tried to make a fool out of her. She became even madder than her friends were involved and that was the case. She hadn’t been sure at first. Then again, she knew her friends well enough to see if something was going on in their minds, which had been the case for a few days now. Usually, as soon as it involved Shiiran and Miyacchi thinking of something together, it became bad. No one ever had been harmed by their little pranks, the little games the two of them liked to play on a regular basis, yet Beni knew that the two of them were uncertain of what they were dealing with. And knowing the two idiots, they went with their usual bet that once even had included her. That was how she got to know them so well in the first place. She sighed a bit and hoped she was wrong after all even though the chances for that were slim.   
“Way to go, Beni”, she mumbled to herself, rang the bell and was opened shortly after. She often had been to Shiiran’s place, so she wasn’t surprised that the place was just barely cleaned up for her arrival. “I see you have expected someone?”  
“Renta called and told me you would come”, Shiiran answered and smiled a bit at her before she went over to the table, picked up a cup of tea. “Can I offer you some?”  
“No. Thank you. I already had some. Did Renta also tell you why I wanted to speak to you?”  
“Not really. But she was really angry at me at the phone for some reason.”  
“Wow so she actually kept something for herself for once? Impressive.”  
“More like I was changing the subject.” She put down the cup and sat down on the couch, offered Beni a place next to her and the older woman gladly took the seat. “What can I do for you? You only leave the house on your free day when it’s important.”  
The older actress sighed, leaned back and crossed her legs. She still had no idea how to start this, so she just decided to go for it.  
“Did you and Miyacchi make a bet again?”  
“What gives you that idea?”  
Beni looked over to the other woman, raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms.  
“You two always hang out together unless you have a bet that involves otherwise. So are you? Or did the two lovebirds break up.”  
“No we didn’t. And we’re no lovebirds.”  
She stopped without answering the question and Beni decided to dig on further.  
“Friends with benefits. Whatever pleases you. Now out with it. You know I can tell when you’re lying.”  
“Even if we are, why does it concern you? You were never interested in our games.” She pointed on her cheek. “And believe me: I can tell.”  
“Then I’m right about it.” The older one let out a slight growl. “I want you to stop it.”  
Shiiran crocked her eyebrows, leaned back a bit and had confusion written all over her face.   
“I still don’t get why you get so angry about it. We’re not going to hurt anybody.”  
“Oh you have no idea. You will. Maybe not with Renta. She will kick your ass if you try to get her in bed.”  
“Then why…”  
“Because I can’t let you break Mikkii’s heart. That’s why.”  
“Are you kidding me? No one intends to break anyone’s heart.”  
“That’s what you think. But you don’t know her like I do. I saw her once broken-hearted. I won’t just stand there and look at it again even if I have to step in myself.”  
  
Time just flew by while she made her way through the city with Miyacchi on her side. They talked, laughed a lot, found some new shirts and trousers, went on shopping for accessories as well as shoes. What had happened the evening before that was completely forgotten, all her tears and the pain that had come back that night. Sometimes she found herself joking around with the other over the most unnecessary stuff they could come up with, talked about cooking while they went to have dinner. Mikkii felt something that she couldn’t identify. She couldn’t tell if it was deep affection, gratitude or even love. What mattered was that she felt good, that she enjoyed the other by her side. When they watched the movie, her fingers somehow found the way to Miyacchi’s and she accepted them, entangled them with her own and held her tight in the shadow of the cinema hall. She felt herself blushing then. The contact continued when they made their way home. Since the cinema was not far from Miyacchi’s home, they had decided to park the older woman’s car in front of her home and walk the way down.  
“Thank you”, Mikkii said halfway on their way back.  
“For what?”  
The other turned her head towards her.  
“For everything today. It was really nice. And the movie was totally awesome. I had no idea that comedies were so amusing.”  
“You didn’t? I thought you like watching movies.”  
“I do. But I’m more into action and horror than comedy.”  
 She laughed and got punched softly on her upper arm.   
“You just have no idea.” Miyacchi grabbed her arm and pulled her closer, held her by her wrist and grinned at her. “We could go to the cinema more often and watch some movies.”  
Mikkii blushed a bit, but smiled at the other woman.  
“Sure. Why not?”  
The two of them fell silent shortly after, made their way through the dark streets that were lightened up by the pale light of billboards and the lights that were scattered all over the buildings. It felt somehow like a dream. Even though they had this issues the evening before, they were simply forgotten after this day. She went of daydreaming, enjoyed the feel that ran through her veins by just walking by the other’s side. She knew that feeling from somewhere before. That warm feeling that comforted her and the lightened her mood, made her feel free and took her sorrows.   
However a silent melody broke the silence between them and Mikkii looked over to Miyacchi, who took out her phone to take a look at it.  
“Who is it?” She didn’t get any answer. Instead the older woman flipped through the message and took a closer look. Something in her eyes changed. “Miyacchi?”  
“Nothing. It can wait until tomorrow”, she finally said, looked over to her and the two of them stopped. They were just in front of the house where Miyacchi had her apartment. There was something in her gaze that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She forced on a smile instead. “Let’s… let’s just go upstairs.”  
Mikkii nodded, unsure what to think of her sudden change of mood. She decided just to follow her while Miyacchi held her head down. Inside the elevator, she turned to face the older woman once more.  
“Are you sure everything is alright?”  
The older actress looked over to her, still had that look in her eyes.  
“Can I tell you something?”  
“Sure. Go ahead.”  
The door opened and the two of them got out, walked beside each other down the hallway and stopped in front of a door.  
“No matter what I may did, I never mean to hurt you in any way.”  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Yesterday for example. I never meant you harm. I had no idea I would hurt you in such a way that you would cry. And… and…” She stopped as she put in the keys in the keyhole before looking at her in the corner of her eye. “I like you way too much. Way more than I should. And I fear that I might hurt you again.”  
Before she had the chance to answer, Miyacchi walked into the apartment, leaving Mikkii in front of the door and said door open for her to follow. She looked after the older woman with a slightly dropped jaw. She didn’t expect that. Maybe it was because of the message she got? Slowly she followed inside, put aside her shoes and walked in further, watched how Miyacchi sat on the couch. Her jacket was thrown aside, her head still down. She walked over to the other woman, stopped in front of her and got on her knees, tried to find the other’s eyes.   
“Miyacchi?”, she started, however the other avoided her gaze. She sighed and laid her hand on the older one’s cheek, made her look at her. “You did so much for me. I feel good being with you. That’s all that matters, right? I trust you…”  
The other looked deeply inside her eyes and once more, something inside the dark brown irises changed. Instead the other grabbed the tie around her neck, pulled her closer. Mikkii didn’t resist as the other pulled her up into her lap, didn’t flinch back as she felt the breathing on her skin and the lips on hers. No matter the message, the moment was important.


	9. Just admit it

Only slowly she woke up, inhaled some warm, stuffy air, yet with that a soft, pleasant scent. The warmth around her body comforted her, made her relax and she snuggled up closer to the source of it. Carefully she moved her fingers a bit, felt the warm skin under it and let it run up some more, concentrated on the slight twitching. The body beside hers moved a bit and she grinned, continued to caress the skin under the palm of her hand, wandering on the other’s back and pulled her a bit closer. The tip of her nose touched the throat of the other woman, trailed it up a bit and the woman in her hands let out a very silent pant when she placed a kiss on it. The other moved a bit more, was obviously awake and with her eyes still closed, she felt her way over her shoulders to her face, cupped it and pulled her closer to place a kiss on her lips. Before she could even react properly, not that she had wanted to anyway, the other leaned above her, intensifying the kiss and pinning her hands on the mattress. They broke the kiss due to lack of air and she blinked as the light made her blind for a second before she looked into the other’s eyes and grinned.  
“I had no idea you could be so dominant”, she whispered and the younger actress had that seductive smile on her lips that she had already seen the evening before.  
“I told you: there is a lot you don’t know about me.”  
Miyacchi laughed silently, tried to sneak another kiss from Mikki, yet the younger actress held her down.  
“Don’t be so cheeky, Mikkii.”  
“Admit it: you like it.” The younger one let go of her hands, laid her head on the older actress’ shoulder instead and lay down halfway on top of her. Miyacchi sighed a bit, enjoyed the heat that came back and closed her arms around the other woman. “I know I did.”  
The older actress buried her nose in the other’s hair, stroke her slim sides and her shoulders. The younger actress sure was beautiful, but so different from what she was used to from Shiiran. The slightly smaller woman was way more fragile yet way more dominant from what she had ever experienced from her best friend and lover. And she knew how to pull it off without Miyacchi even noticing. Then again, she had seemed so distant, was barely looking at her and was in her own little world. Even when she had been claiming the younger one for herself for just this short time, she couldn’t quite get to her, was blocked off and kept away from her soul. No doubt that she had enjoyed themselves together, the feelings the other gave her were amazing, yet there was something missing between them. She just hoped this wasn’t one-sided.  
“Are you alright?”, she heard from the other and felt the hand stroking her belly.  
“Sure. Why shouldn’t I?”  
“Your breathing changed. And your heart beats faster. What is it?”  
Miyacchi pulled herself out from under Mikkii, sat up and the younger woman did the same. For a few brief seconds they stared at each other. She wasn’t even nervous about the message that she had received the evening before, the trouble she was about to get into. All she wanted was to not break the trust Mikkii had put in her. She didn’t want to break her as Teru did. She reached out, laid her hand on the other’s cheek and felt the soft skin below it, looked into her eyes again.  
“I just wondered. You seemed so distant yesterday. And…” Her eyes wandered down as well as her hand and she put the finger just below that one single scar she had found on the other’s upper body, beside one of the marks she had made. “… you still didn’t tell me where this is from.”  
The other’s eyes changed once again like they did so often within the last few days. She knew those eyes from before. Mikkii felt uncomfortable and scared, however she was sure that the other would trust her. This time was different from before. They had shared the most intimate moment together and she knew it was the most trust possible she could get from the younger actress.  
“So?”  
“I… kind of did it to myself.”  
“How come?”  
Mikkii sighed and took a look at her arm, examined one of the marks she had there. Her whole body was covered in it, however Miyacchi had quite a few, deep violet ones as well.  
“As you can see, I get marks really, really easily. Well after what happened with… with Teru…” She sighed and let her hand run through her hair. “I just lost it. I scratched it open and that one left a scar.”  
The older woman raised her eyebrow, waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. Instead, the older woman grabbed her sheet, pulled it up a little since she started to freeze with the source of warmth gone.  
“And? Where was your mind yesterday?”  
Mikkii scratched her head and groaned due to the sudden change of subject.  
“I don’t know either. I was maybe just enjoying it so much. It has been some time since I shared a bed with another person.”  
“What about Renta? I thought she is with you quite a lot.”  
Mikkii raised her eyebrow and looked at her with judgment in her eyes.  
“Are you starting that again? We are just friends. We don’t have sex or any kind of relationship that goes deeper than that.”  
“Never heard of ‘friends with benefits’?”  
“You mean like you and Shiiran?”  
Now it was Miyacchi’s turn to blush and look away, tickling a laugh out of the younger woman. Carefully she punched the other’s upper arm.  
“Don’t laugh at that. We’re not like that.”  
“Then you two do have a relationship?”  
Actually she never had thought about it. On the one hand, Shiiran was incredibly possessive and claiming, on the other hand they had that bets that sometimes involved sex with other ‘Siennes. Kind of like races of who was able to get someone to bed more quickly and up to that day, Miyacchi held the score.  
“No. I don’t think we do.”  
Mikkii sat down beside her, leaned her head on her shoulder and pulled the sheet up to her chin. The older actress laid her arm around the thin body, pulled her closer so the younger one could snuggle up to her.  
“What is this between us then?”  
“What do you want it to be?”  
“Hey I asked first.”  
“And I asked second. So?”  
She gained another silence from the other woman. She didn’t want to say that she wasn’t sure about this, that she was afraid of what was about to come. Especially after this night that they shared, she didn’t want to hurt the younger woman in any way. She was precious to her, important, yet she wasn’t sure whether or not to call it love.  
“I don’t want it to be a relationship”, Mikkii suddenly said and sat up straight in order to look at her. Miyacchi blinked in confusion, tilting her head. “I mean…” She sighed. “I don’t know how to put it…”  
“You don’t need to mince your words. Call the spade a spade and tell me.”  
The younger actress knitted the sheet from under said one, leaned back and bit her bottom lip.  
“Don’t get me wrong. I feel comfortable with you. I trust you. It feels incredible, but I’m not sure if that’s enough. I really enjoy the time we have together and to be honest: this night was the best I had in a long time.” The little devil grinned. “And I would really like to repeat that. But maybe just as friends?”  
Miyacchi laughed and leaned back beside her.  
“And there I was worried that it is only me.”  
She couldn’t see it but she could feel the body beside her stiffen in surprise.  
“You feel the same?”  
“Actually yes. It’s different from what I have with Shiiran but I can’t say that it’s the ‘let’s just be friends’-thing.”  
“Maybe we can put it somewhere between ‘friends with benefits’ and ‘lovers’?”  
“I’m fine with that.”  
Miyacchi looked over to the other woman and they grinned at each other before the older one leaned down to the puffy ball that was Mikkii and put a kiss on her lips. This sweet scent that came from her and that taste made her want more of the other.  
“By the way”, Mikkii murmured against her lips as she placed her body on the elder’s lap, pulling the sheets around the two of them. “did you think about putting on that dress for me?”  
Miyacchi tried to fix the other’s eyes as she felt the hands on her upper body that made her shiver.  
“I thought you were joking about that.”  
“No, I wasn’t.” The younger actress leaned down to her ear, made her voice just a whisper and Miya felt her body shaking harder. “And I want you to put on those highheels you have there at least once for me.”  
  
Still in her clothes from the day before, Renta sat at her table, her head in her hands and staring on the dark wood. She didn’t get any sleep that night, was lost in her own thoughts. After Beni had left, she had just lost it, had called Shiiran and wanted to talk about her from what their leader had told her. About Miyacchi’s and Shiiran’s habit to make a bet out of everything, however that bet simply took the cake. Then again the older woman had changed the subject so quickly that her thoughts couldn’t keep up and for the moment she had just forgotten about it. She had remembered as soon as she hung up, yet she didn’t want to call again. Instead she had searched for Mikkii, however the woman was nowhere to be found. Her cellphone was still switched off, she wasn’t at home and nowhere else. Not even at Shimon’s place, where she usually was at when she was nowhere else. Renta was somewhere between worried and angry and her feelings kept her awake all night. Time and time again she stared at her cellphone, stared at display that had a photo of her, Shimon, Mikkii and a few others as background. Then again, her eyes were fixed on Mikkii.  
“Where are you?”, she whispered to herself, jumped and knocked down one of her chairs as she doorbell rang, ripping her thoughts. She got up, slowly, walked over to the door and opened it. “Beni?”  
“Good morning, sunshine”, the older actress smiled, however the slight smile Renta was about to put on faded as she saw Shiiran right beside their leader.  
“What are you two doing here?”  
“Just checking up on you. And your face tells me you need it, Renren.”  
“I think I put that wrong…” She looked over to Shiiran and the older woman sighed.  
“I was worried okay? I was awake all night before leader here came over to my place and pulled me out.” Kurenai Blue opened her jacket a little, revealed a self-made shirt with some signatures on it. Obviously her classmate’s. “She barely gave me time to change into some trousers.”  
Renta couldn’t quite understand, however she let the two of them in. Whatever it was, it seemed important. Beni was the first to place herself on one chair, threw a quick look at the cellphone that was still there before looking at her again.  
“Did you reach Mikkii by now?”  
“No. I didn’t. The last person I talked to yesterday was her”, the younger member answered and nodded over to Shiiran.  
“I have a name you know. Don’t be so mad just because I kissed you when you were drunk.”  
“I’m not mad about that. I am mad that you wanted to get me to bed and most of all because you made a bet out of it!” The further she went on the more Renta started to scream. “And if that’s not enough you two idiots involved Mikkii into this! Now tell me why I have no reason to be mad?!”  
“Calm down.” Shiiran sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I never meant harm to anyone and it never did before, okay? I even tried calling Miyacchi to blow the bet. She didn’t answer me.”  
Renta raised her eyebrows and felt her jaw drop. Miya didn’t answer? She felt herself getting pale while she feared the worst.  
“I was at her place when I left Shiiran’s”, Beni started, suddenly far more serious than before. “She wasn’t at home. Mikkii also doesn’t react to any of my calls. Her phone is turned off and she’s not at home either. I start getting worried.”  
“I know”, Renta interrupted. “I tried calling her. She isn’t with Shimon or with one of the others either. So why do you come to me?”  
Kurenai Red looked over to Shiiran and once more the woman sighed, let her hand run through her unmade hair and looked over to her.  
“I… I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I don’t want this to stand between us and to threaten our friendship. Will you forgive me?”  
For a few seconds, Renta simply looked at the other woman, clawed the back of her hand while doing so. She sighed. She couldn’t be mad at anybody for long.  
“Fine. I try not to be angry. However I will only stop completely if you stop Miyacchi from groping my friend.”  
She looked over to the window, her mind wandering off once more. She couldn’t bear the thought of Mikkii touching another woman. Not this way. She didn’t want to think about how heartbroken she would be if she found out about that game Miyacchi and Shiiran played. Only once before she had held her friend close while she cried even though Mikkii had not told her why she had cried.  
Her mind was forced back when she noticed Shiiran staring at her.  
“…Do I have something in my face?”, she asked and Kurenai Blue started grinning like a monkey.  
“I knew it.”  
“Knew… knew what?”  
“You have the hots for Mikkii. Admit it.”  
Renta felt her cheeks heated up, gulped and bit her teeth harder.  
“Go away. We’re just very close friends. That’s all.” Shiiran was about to laugh and Beni clearly couldn’t hold in a grin. “Could we stop that? Tell me what you want here and leave me alone.”  
Shiiran wanted to start talking again, however Beni stopped her by kicking her under the table. The younger of the two whined in pain and held her leg.  
“We’re not here to gossip around. At least not this time okay? Get a bit serious.” Beni looked over to Renta, leaned onto the table and sighed softly. “See my problem is this: Miyacchi and Mikkii both just vanished into thin air and we all know what this means. I just hope Miya got Shiiran’s message in time before she got any ideas.”  
“What if she hasn’t?”, Renta interfered. “I’m sure Tenten will lose it when she finds out about that game.”  
Shiiran rolled her eyes, leaned back once more.  
“What is so important about this anyway? You two act like it’s the end of the world.”  
Beni kicked Kurenai Blue once more and said woman almost fell off the chair.  
“Do you have any pride at all?”, the leader asked, clearly having anger in her voice. “Mikkii is delicate and the two of you have no right to…”  
They were interrupted by the sound of Renta’s cellphone going off. Kurenai Yellow quickly fetched it before Beni had the chance to look at it.  
“That’s Mikkii”, she said. Suddenly her heart started beating faster, she felt her throat getting sore. She was afraid of what she was about to hear as soon as she picked up the call. Her shaking fingers pushed the button before she pressed the phone against her ear.  
“Renta?”, she heard from the other side. “You called. A lot actually. Is something wrong?”  
She hesitated, unsure what to say and with slight tears in her eyes. Instead of just acting over it, she lost and jumped right into it.  
“Is that all that is for you to say?! Have you any idea how worried I was?! Your cellphone is turned off, you’re not at home and no one knows where you were yesterday! You can’t just disappear and reappear like that without telling anybody! I thought… I thought something has happened to you!”  
I thought Miyacchi happened to you, she added in her thoughts, yet restrained from barking it out. She was a jumpy person, however even she could hold in important things when needed. People usually just didn’t notice. She heard a slight sigh from the other end and Mikkii’s voice became a bit more silent, shy almost.  
“I’m sorry. I turned my phone off because I didn’t want to talk to anyone yesterday…”  
“Mikkii. Where the hell were you? Did something happen?”  
“Nothing happened. I just needed some space. I went shopping the whole day and went to see a movie in the evening. Nothing special, really. So please don’t be angry at me.”  
Renta stopped for a moment before she calmed her voice a bit, stared at the window.  
“Shall I come over?”  
“I prefer being for myself today. I’ll see you tomorrow at rehearsals, okay? I’ll show you my new shirt then.”  
Kurenai Yellow couldn’t help but to put on a smile. Hearing Mikkii so happy at the phone lightened her heart and made her feel way better than before.  
“Okay… See you tomorrow then.”  
She hung up, looked over to Beni and noticed that Shiiran had went up from her spot, went for the kitchen with her own cellphone and talking quite desperate into it. Her gaze fell onto Beni, who stared at her and slowly shook her head.  
“Sometimes I really don’t get you.”  
“…What?”  
Beni threw a quick gaze to the kitchen before lowering her voice and looking at Renta.  
“When are you finally going to tell her? Do you want it to happen again? This just screams Teru. It is the whole story all over again. And we both know who she will run to if her heart is broken once more. And guess what: it will not be you because you’re a fucking coward.”  
  
Mikkii hung up and threw her head back a little, moaned silently for herself and turned on her heel to walk into the living room again where Miyacchi was still getting screamed at by Shiiran on the phone. She leaned against the doorframe, grinned and watched while the older woman had her head laid on her hand, the phone pressed against her ear and her legs crossed, obviously bored. The two women decided to give their friends a call since, for some reason, they decided to call them in regular intervals. Their phone-lists were already filled up with their friend’s names. Mikkii just called Renta to make sure her friend wouldn’t come over to her apartment since she still was at Miyacchi’s, however she was at least dressed. The marks on her neck made her worry a bit, though she could just cover them up. It wasn’t a big deal. Finally she saw the other woman hang up, leaning back and yawning a bit.  
“Finally done?”, the younger one asked, walked over to her friend and sat down beside her. “Sounded bad.”  
“Shiiran is really angry at me.”  
“Why?”  
“Because I didn’t answer her message. She always gets angry with me because of that.”  
“It was just another of her messages. Speaking of which: what did she want from you anyway?”  
“She told me to stop meeting you.” Miyacchi looked over to her, smiled shyly. “But I didn’t want to.”  
Mikkii raised her eyebrow.  
“Does this mean she orders you around.”  
“Well… no… actually… I’m not so sure.”  
“Is that about your little bet?” The older woman looked at her in surprise and made Mikkii smile in return. “Did you think I wouldn’t know?”  
“But how?”  
“It’s well known in Hoshigumi that the two of you like having your games. And I know that I may appear a little boring at the times. When you came to me, I guessed something like that.”  
“And you’re not angry?”  
“I think we sorted this out already. Just because you started hitting on me because of a game doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. You’re not a bad person.”  
She reached out for Miyacchi, let her fingers run through the soft hair and pet her velvet skin, watched how the other enjoyed her touch while leaning against it and closing her beautiful eyes. Yes she felt attached to the other, felt the warmth, the comforting aura but somehow there was something missing. Maybe they had been too fast for anything. Then again, she didn’t want to miss out on this, even if it was just for the sex. However it wasn’t even about the sex in the first place. Miyacchi let the younger woman be dominant in every way while they shared the bed with one another. It gave her the feeling to have control over at least this part of her live, knew, that the other was with her and with no one else while Mikkii had her. Even while letting Miya touching her, she felt herself guiding the other and an emotion rushing through her veins while she forgot who took her that moment, being emotionally distant and still close enough to stay in a trance-like state. It felt just good and that was what mattered.  
“I can be honest with you, right?”, Miyacchi suddenly started, still leaning against her hand. “It’s… about what you told me the day before. Your story with Teru.”  
The younger one let her hand rest on the older one’s cheek.  
“What about it?”  
Miyacchi reached for her hand, took it into hers and stroke her fingers softly with her fingertips.  
“You said that She screamed at you. That she changed all of the sudden. I still… I… somehow I can’t believe that.”  
“You call me a liar?”  
“No”, she answered quickly, sighed and looked down before she continued. “Not that. I know Teru only a little bit and I know that she has the tendency to flirt but as far as I know she never went further. So it has to be a reason why she seduced you. And simply because of that I can’t think of anything that made her do something so terrible. She’s not perfect, but she’s not a bad person.”  
The younger woman just stared at her friend, tried to comprehend what she wanted to say. She could think of so many reasons why Teru acted like that in front of her. After all, the older woman ignored her ever since.  
“Maybe she just really hates me”, she said in a cold voice, pulled back her hand and got up. “I’ll go take a shower.”  
“Mikkii…” Miyacchi sighed. “Mikkii wait. I didn’t mean it like that.”  
“Just don’t. This concerns no one and even though I told you doesn’t mean you have to analyze me or her. I just want to forget about it.”  
The older woman got up, stopped in front of her and she avoided her gaze by looking at the floor.  
“Fine. I won’t bring it up again. But I don’t think this is right either.”  
Mikkii looked up at the other once again, saw her sad eyes and immediately felt bad for being angry with her like that. It wasn’t her fault after all. All she wanted to do was to forget and have a good time. It was all about being with someone she liked. She grabbed the other’s collar, pulled her over and put a kiss on her lips.  
“Have a shower with me.”


	10. The 'something' to happen

Within the following few days she expected… well… something to happen. Anything. However it didn’t. Mikkii and Miyacchi behaved like they did before, came separately to rehearsals, barely looked at one another and talked even less. Then again Beni wasn’t one of the stupid kind. She saw what was going on between these two. Miyacchi was unable to hide that very deep blue mark she had right below her ear and Mikkii wore long clothes even though it was still hot. She knew how easily her friend got these kind of markings. The youngest member of Kurenai 5 pulled close her scarf, down her sleeves and her shirt close way too often to not look suspicious. Yet that was nothing of what Beni had witnessed during one of their breaks. Her mood already was down the whole day but when she found her friends in one of the corridors, one of them pressed against the wall and the other sucking on her bottom lip, she lost it and quickly ran out of the theatre to get some fresh air. Not only couldn’t she think of a reason why the two of them were so foolish not to keep this behind closed doors, it was also just the other way around as she expected. From what she heard of Shiiran, Miyacchi was usually dominant and could get furious when she didn’t get her will. She caught a glimpse of what was shining in Mikkii’s eyes when she looked at the younger woman and she knew that from somewhere else. Teru. Though she still fought herself from dragging the older woman into this situation. It was none of her concern, however she somehow was part of this as well.  When only this night never had happened. Back then, Mikkii came crying to her one night, two days after she had left from the younger woman’s apartment. She never told her what exactly had happened however Beni already had noticed that Teru was behaving differently as well. After rehearsals, she pulled the older actress away from the others, away from Chie and Nene before questioning her. She was persistent, so she knew the whole story.   
Kurenai Red sighed softly and crossed her legs while she took a bite of her dinner. She had to do something about this. Watching Renta breaking under this ‘relationship’ Miyacchi and Mikkii had was breaking her heart. She couldn’t understand her. For years, Renta ran after their common friend, admired her from afar when she could be so much closer to her. Yet she preferred to stay ‘just friends’ with her, afraid of how Mikkii might react if she dared to step closer to her. Especially after that night that had happened with Teru. Renta wasn’t supposed to know about it, yet she did somehow and it broke her as well. All the older one could do was watch Renta in her desperate attempt to get attention from Mikkii that went beyond friendship, watch how unable Kurenai Yellow was to express how she felt towards her long-time friend. Beni growled. It wasn’t only Renta that made her angry and that refused to leave her mind. It was Shiiran as well. It was obvious that she felt something for her classmate, yet she had been ready to risk that relationship she had with Miyacchi for some stupid game. Even more than that: she even kissed Renta to prove a point, to win a stupid game and even dared to try sleeping with her. Luckily, Kurenai Yellow refused even in a drunken state. Beni couldn’t understand why those two ‘couples’ couldn’t just get along and be how they were obviously meant to be. She wasn’t stupid. She knew how relationships worked. After all, she was in one herself. One more reason why she couldn’t just stand there and watch as this thing between Mikkii and Miyacchi got more and more out of control. She reached inside her pocket, grabbed her cellphone and typed in a number she knew very well. The woman on the other end picked up quickly.  
“Why are you calling me?”, she heard the slightly annoyed voice of the other. “You walked passed me about fifteen minutes ago.”  
“Because I need to talk to you now.”  
“I know that voice. What did I do this time?”  
“I’ll tell you as soon as you get your pretty little butt over here. I’ll wait at the café.”  
“Beni I can’t…”  
“Now. It’s important. So hurry up before I get really mad.”  
A sigh from the other end.  
“Sometimes I wonder why I let myself get ordered around by you so much. But fine. I’ll be there in a minute.”  
  
Renta moaned silently and laid back her head once again. Her headache got worse and worse each minute and her head felt like it was about to explode. She knew what caused it but was unable to do something against it. For days she was unable to sleep properly, unable to eat and drink enough without feeling sick and her nightmares kept her awake. The whole situation was making her sick. The day after Mikkii called her back, she went over to go look after her friend after rehearsals and her friend welcomed her with open arms. However it didn’t stay long like that and all she was able to do was to watch and listen while her friend went on on how awesome her time with Miyacchi was, how happy she was that the flirting wasn’t just some fooling around and how she enjoyed spending time with the older actress. She didn’t even try to hide the relationship or whatever it was. Mikkii insisted that they weren’t lovers. Then again, Renta had seen the marks on her neck and her collarbone. It hurt her, it broke her and she had to admit that she was jealous. She hated the thought of her friend having another one around her while the slightly older actress was gone, that it was Miyacchi she shared her bed with even if it was ‘only sex’, as she was told. Renta had been unable to stop herself from screaming at Mikkii for giving into the pleasures Miyacchi gave her, that she wasn’t allowed to have something like this. She tried everything to convince her friend to stop meeting their fellow Kurenai 5 member, however Mikkii simply talked her out of it. She always lost arguments with this woman. She simply was told that it would be fine, that she only wanted some good time and that it was nothing emotional. When Renta felt the arms around her, holding her while her tears came up, she felt like screaming even more, telling her that Miyacchi wasn’t even worth it. Renta was afraid, if she admitted it or not. Afraid of losing the person that meant most to her, yet was unable to say the three magic words to her. Thinking that it was someone else and not her breaking the younger woman’s broken heart drove her crazy.   
“Are you still feeling so bad?”  
Renta didn’t even have to look up, let her head fall down once again and let her eyes closed. That was just what she needed.  
“I couldn’t get any sleep tonight”, she whispered, deeply inhaling the thick air around them. Sitting in the hallway during her break wasn’t the best idea ever for her headache. The younger woman sat down beside her and made her look up a bit. At least Mikkii went back on wearing T-Shirts as soon as her marks faded. Renta couldn’t bear looking at her and knowing that she hid the deep blue spots under her long clothes. Imagining Miyacchi leaving those marks made her even sicker than she already was. She didn’t hate the older actress, she just disliked her for what she did and what she took from her.  
“Maybe you should go see a doctor”, Mikkii answered softly and leaned over to her. Immediately Renta was hit by this very specific smell the younger one had on her. Maybe it was because having the other one close seemed so far away, but she noticed more and more things about the younger woman that made her desirable.  
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”  
“Are you sure? You seem so strange lately.” Kurenai Green reached out for her, carefully lay her hand on her head and stroke her hair. Renta closed her eyes and enjoyed the short touch she was given. “I’m just worried about you.”  
“No need to be. I’ll be fine.” She looked over to the other, found her worried, sparkling eyes and gulped a bit. She felt like she was about to cry. The pain and the lack of sleep kept her on the edge and she felt like she was about to throw herself in the other’s arms, beg her to leave Miyacchi and be with her instead, yet she didn’t. “How’s Miyacchi? I haven’t talked to her for a while.”  
Mikkii continued to stroke her temple with her thumb while she talked.  
“Fine I suppose. She has some problems with Shiiran lately. Aren’t the two of you close lately?”  
“Yes. But all we do is phone each other, have dinner and then she leaves again. Beni is at my place a lot lately, too.” She sighed a bit, was almost tempted to just give into the soft touch. “Yet whenever I bring up Miyacchi, Shiiran gets angry and Beni has to drag her out. So I just don’t mention anything at all.”  
Silence fell between them. She knew that Mikkii watched her closely, that she surely had a question, but she didn’t want to deal with it now. She was just glad that the younger actress gave her at least some endearment, some soft touches she missed so much and that calmed her paining head. After some time the petting stopped and she looked up. Her friend looked so troubled and almost a bit sad.  
“What’s wrong?”, Renta asked and tilted her head.  
“I just don’t want any trouble within Kurenai 5 and I get the feeling that this is all my fault. Between Miyacchi and Shiiran I mean. But Miyacchi said she would work this out.”  
The older one forced on a slight smile.  
“I can tell that it’s not about you. All Shiiran ever bitches about is purely about Miyacchi. Don’t break your head.”  
It tickled a soft smile out of Mikkii and immediately the older actress felt a bit lighter.  
“I appreciate you saying that. I’m just glad that it’s not that difficult between us.” It was even more difficult, Renta added in her mind, yet didn’t interrupt her younger friend. “How about we meet sometime this week? Just the two of us. We haven’t done that in a long time.”  
Kurenai Yellow smiled wider. She never had the courage to ask about that, so she was glad that it was the younger woman making that offer.  
“I would be glad. How about we meet at my place? Tomorrow maybe?”  
Mikkii’s smile faded just a bit.  
“How about the day after tomorrow? It would be more fitting for me…”  
So she was meeting and spending her day with Miyacchi again. The smile fell off Renta’s lips, however she nodded.  
“Alright. I’ll wait for you then. Just give me a call when you want to come over.”  
  
“Thank you for coming”, Beni said as she walked inside the Café, already saw Teru sitting at one of the tables and joined her side. She gained a silent nod and the older woman pulled closer her coffee. “I’m sorry I’m late. I had to make another call.”  
“Seems you’re really busy lately. Is it because of Kurenai 5?”  
She looked at the other woman. She was still as pretty as always even though she seemed a bit tired. But that was just her. Teru got stressed out rather easily and it was visible in her face.   
“That as well. But that is not why I asked you over.”  
“By the way you sound it’s important. I haven’t heard that tone in your voice for a while.”  
The older woman grinned a bit, crossed her legs and took a sip. Beni raised her hand, ordered herself some tea before she turned her attention fully to the older woman.  
“I know. And I’m really sorry it had to be so sudden. But things are getting out of hand.”  
“Then I suppose you start telling me what all the trouble is about.”  
Beni sighed softly. She had no idea where to start. Of course she could get straight to the point, leave out everything around it, however that would not solve the actual problem. She didn’t want Teru to refuse her request, so she decided to start differently.  
“It’s about Miyacchi and Shiiran in some way.”  
“Rurika and Ichijou? What about them?”  
“I know it may sounds strange and I feel like an idiot saying that, but Miyacchi is technically cheating on Shiiran. I tried talking to her but she refused to listen to me. So I need you to help me.”  
Teru crooked her eyebrows, tilted her head and leaned on her lower arms on the table.   
“I… don’t quite get what this has to do with me. I know the two and I like them but their relationship has nothing to do with me. They are grown women and they can sort it out themselves.”  
“I don’t think they can. Or at least I don’t think Miyacchi can.”  
“Why is that?”  
“The one she’s cheating with is Mikkii.”  
Teru’s whole expression changed and for once in her life, Beni was unable to tell what the older woman thought. She stared into her deep brown eyes as she leaned back, drummed her fingertips on the table until she couldn’t stand her gaze any longer and looked down. The younger woman watched as she pulled back her hair and sighed silently.  
“This is none of my concern either. Why do you bother me with this? If Mikkii lets herself getting involved into this, then why should I care?”  
Beni noticed the sound of her voice changing. It was almost cracking, upset at the same time and still had that sad undertone in it. Even though she wouldn’t admit it, it bothered the older actress.  
“To be honest: Mikkii is the whole cause for this mess. I just decide to take action to save the friendship and maybe one or two relationships if I find the time to do so.” Teru didn’t give any answer, however her eyes told everything. Beni raised her hands, leaned back once more. “I know what you’re thinking. I know that you think that this doesn’t concern you at all and I guess in some point you are right. You have no reason getting involved into this. But hear me out.” The younger one lowered her voice, leaned over to Teru once more so the people around them wouldn’t listen. “You know what had happened between the two of you changed her. And not in a good way. I saw how Mikkii was looking at Miyacchi and believe me when I tell you: she behaves exactly like you did. And that IS of your concern.”  
Teru crossed her arms and got into a defensive stance. Beni knew how much she disliked talking about what had happened between her and Mikkii. Up to this day, Beni felt guilty that she had left Mikkii’s apartment that evening, that it was partly her fault that all of this had happened. She knew about the story, had squeezed it out of Teru after she had comforted her friend.   
“And?”, Teru started after some moments of silence, looked up at her. “What do you want me to do about it?”  
“All I want you to do is to talk to Mikkii and ask her to stop it.”  
“And why should she listen to me? Me out of all people? I’m sure Renta would be glad…”  
Beni decided to interrupt the other woman.  
“We both know Renta can’t win any argument ever with Mikkii. She’s not witty enough for that.”  
“Even if I would talk to her she wouldn’t listen to me.”  
“Now you’re just making excuses.”  
“Miyacchi told me that they had a pretty decent relationship.”  
The sudden turn made Beni raise her eyebrows and look at Teru in surprise.  
“… Excuse me?”  
Once more Teru sighed, was still unable to look into her eyes and stared on her cup, stroking it softly with one finger.  
“She came up to me some time ago. She told me that Mikkii was sad recently and that it seemed it was because of me. The way she behaved and what she told me made me believe she was Mikkii’s girlfriend and so I had no regrets telling her.”  
With a silent moan, Beni let her head fall back, closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. This was just plain terrible. If Miyacchi knew about Teru’s one-night-stand with an underclassman, she was sure that soon the whole troupe would know about it and with that, Mikkii would suffer under it even more. The two of them knew that the younger actress never really got over their breakup.  
“Why the hell would you tell her?” She looked at the older woman once more. “Why the fuck, Teru?”  
“I just want her to be happy again.”  
“Then you shouldn’t have yelled at her in the first place. You broke her with that. And that’s why she behaves like you. Mikkii uses Miyacchi just to get over you.” Teru fell into another silence, clearly slipping into her own thoughts, yet Beni went on. “I don’t get it. I really don’t. I try figuring it out ever since it happened. The day before we went to that show, you asked me if you happen to have any chances with Mikkii, you even make me leave early so you can have some time with her, you seduce her, you spend the night with her, you had sex with her, you fucking LEAVE the morning after with only a fucking message on the counter and the next time I check up on you, you tell me that you left her. That she was just a toy to you and that it wasn’t anything emotional. What the hell made you change your mind? I was so convinced that you actually managed to develop feelings for someone else than Kitarou.”  
At an instant, Teru slammed her hand on the table, suddenly with an angry shine in her eyes and making Beni almost jump up from her chair in the process. It was Beni’s turn to stay silent this time, however she expected an answer from the older actress. Instead Teru simply looked on the hand she still had on the table.  
“You don’t know shit about it, Beni. You don’t know what happened back then. I made a choice and I decided that Mikkii would not be part of my live anymore.” She threw a quick glance into her direction before her shoulders fell down. “I’ll see what I can do. But I can’t promise wonders.”  
“I don’t expect wonders. I don’t know and I don’t care for your motives. All I want you to do is showing her that using a person just because it feels nice for a time being is wrong.”  
“There is just one more thing I want to know.”  
“That is?”  
“Why are you doing this?”  
“I’m just helping my friends.”  
A short silence.  
“So you’re actually helping Renta.”  
  
“What are you searching for?”  
“My shoes.”  
“… But you have all your shoes in the entrance area.”  
“I’m not searching for those. I know I put them somewhere around here.”  
Shiiran tilted her head while she watched her friend crawling in front of the bed, peeking under it and finally reaching under it. It seemed her arm was a bit short since she desperately tried getting whatever was under there. For the past fifteen minutes, Miyacchi was running through the apartment, searching for stuff and packed it away immediately so Shiiran didn’t have any chance to take a look at it.  
“Wouldn’t you mind telling me what this is for already?”  
“I told you I’ll be away tomorrow.” She let out a silent moan as she finally grabbed whatever was under that bed, pulling it out with a grin. “And I’m just packing my stuff.”  
Shiiran’s jaw dropped a bit as she saw the highheels Miyacchi held proudly in her hand. She never had seen those before. They had various straps over it and were clearly not meant for an Otokoyaku.   
“What the… I didn’t even know you have those.”  
“Well you never asked. They always stood perfectly beside my bed.”  
“Why… why would you take this with you?”  
“It’s new to me that you ask that.”  
There was that tone in her voice again. Within the last days, she often had heard it. That slightly annoyed, slightly angry undertone as if she did something wrong. Shiiran, who stood in the doorframe, turned on her heel, walked into the living room and opened the bag Miyacchi had packed up, felt herself getting pale shortly after. She pulled out some pieces of beautiful underwear she never had seen before and something that looked like a silk-bathrobe, however it was really short.  
“Wouldn’t you mind…” Miyacchi started as she walked over to her, ripped the underwear out of her hands and put it back into her bag. “…NOT searching through my stuff.”  
Shiiran felt her face heat up as she bit her teeth.  
“I thought you were going visit one of our classmates!”  
“I said I was visiting a friend.”  
“You never said it was Mikkii!”  
“Why would you care? You rather spend your time with Renta anyways.”  
Shiiran felt her mood change from anger to sadness to something she couldn’t quite get and back to anger within splitseconds. She raised her voice.  
“At least I don’t fuck her at any given chance.”  
“I don’t see why you do care now. It never bothered you before.”  
She gulped, bit her teeth as she stared into Miyacchi’s judging eyes and tried of something to say. Anything. But she couldn’t. All the time she was fine with her friend being with another, however she always knew that she was still hers and hers alone. Not this time. By the way Miyacchi hang on Mikkii, the way they behaved around one another made her jealous like she never experienced before. She looked on the floor.   
“So?”, she heard Miyacchi say without looking up. “Was that all? Then I would rather have you leave so I can finish packing up my stuff.”  
Shiiran bit her bottom lip, walked past her friend and headed to put on her boots. She was mad and didn’t want to get loud once again. She never was the kind to scream at other people, especially not at Miyacchi. However before she opened the door, she turned on the spot.  
“I just hope Mikkii looks hot enough in those clothes.” She couldn’t hide the anger in her voice. “I know how easily you get bored. And to be honest: I hope you throw her away as soon as you’re done. Don’t expect me to be there then.”  
For a few seconds Miyacchi just stared at her, yet just before Shiiran turned once more, the other’s smile stopped her from doing so.  
“Oh Shiiran. It’s not Mikkii putting on the lingerie. She got those for me, not the other way around.” Once more Shiiran found herself staring at the other woman, her anger suddenly blown away and tears filling her eyes. Miyacchi’s smile faded only slowly as she put the highheels just beside her bag. “However… If you are willed to tell me what I wanted to hear from you for years now, I might stay away from her.”  
The hand she still had on the doorknob shook and she bit her teeth harder. She knew what Miyacchi wanted from her, but she was afraid. She couldn’t tell why, but she was. Instead of answering, she turned on the heel, opened the door and slammed it shut behind her.


	11. Chapter 11

The night went on just as sleepless as the one before. Renta rolled around her bed, trashed her sheets away, became cold, pulled them close just so that it was way too warm for her again and finally got up in the middle of the night. She felt terrible, troubled and miserable. Maybe she needed some change of scenery, something that would distract her from that thought. Just having in mind that in the not too distant future, Miyacchi would go over to Mikkii’s apartment, her friend would let her in, they would surely act like they knew each other for an eternity. She imagined like Miya would seduce her formerly so innocent friend. That, or it was the other way around. She knew Mikkii, knew her better than any other person and because of that she knew how quickly the younger woman’s temper could change with a given situation. She was like that ever since Teru. Renta still was angry with the older actress for making it impossible for her to come up to Mikkii and to maybe ask her out one day. Asking for a date never had been a problem for her until she realized that she could seriously hurt Mikkii on an emotional level. She couldn’t bare that, so she stuck to friendship. “Just tell her that you love her”, Shimon told her so often. “and see where it gets you. It worked with me before.”  
If it just was so easy. Love was never this easy for her. Even back then when she first fell in love with another person, she failed to have the courage to just say what she felt. Actions spoke louder than words and so Renta never really said those three words out loud.   
Moaning the young actress walked through the apartment, restless, held her head and mostly felt her way forwards. She couldn’t turn on the lights because of her headache, yet couldn’t sit still and relax. Once again her thoughts went back to Mikkii and she felt her eyes filling with tears. Why was it so hard? She never was one to have her mouth shut about anything and still when she stood in front of the younger woman, she couldn’t say how much she longed for her, how much it pained her that the younger one was inside the arms of another, failed to beg for just that one kiss she had imagined so often before. For so many times when Mikkii was beside her when she fell asleep on her bed, she watched the light breathing, how her hair fell into her beautiful face. It would have been so easy just to sneak a kiss away from her then, however Renta couldn’t bring herself to do it, decided to pull up the sheets over the younger one’s shoulders and pet her head until she was deep asleep. She watched over her for a few moments before she went to sleep herself. Shimon was always angry with her when she did that. The younger actress often teased her about her affection towards Mikkii, even tried forcing her to say it out loudly. Renta may wasn’t the best person to argue with, however she knew how to get around questions.   
“You’re going to lose her”, Renta sighed as she let herself fall on the carpet, felt the tears running down her cheeks and rubbed her freezing arms. She was just in her T-shirt and some short pants and her whole body was shaking. She could have just reached out to get the cover from her couch, but it seemed so far away all of the sudden. Instead she stared on the opposite wall. She often talked to herself when she was lonely, especially when she was about to yell at herself. It may was the only argument she ever won.  
“Beni was right, Renta. You’re a fucking coward. Just leave her be then…”  
She closed her eyes, felt her body getting heavy, yet before she was able to drift off into sleep, the phone made her sit up straight suddenly and she looked around panicking. Maybe she did fall asleep for a few moments since the first rays of the sun made their way through the window. Renta dragged her heavy body over the floor, reached for the cellphone on the table and looked on the display before she picked it up.  
“What do you want in the middle of the night?”, she growled into the phone. She heard some heavy steps in the background when Beni started talking.  
“I’m very sorry, Renta. Did I wake you up?”  
“No. But that is no excuse for calling me this hour.”  
“I’m sorry I…” She heard something like an angry scream. “Dear lord! Would you kindly shut up for two seconds?!”  
“What’s wrong?”  
Beni moaned a bit.  
“Shiiran. She suddenly was in front of my door and started rambling as soon as she got here. And I still have no idea what’s the matter. Could you come over and help me tame this beasty?”  
Renta rubbed her eyes. She wasn’t feeling like dealing with Shiiran’s mood that moment. After all, she had a pretty good idea why her friend was so furious.   
“Fine”, she whispered under her breath. “I’ll come. Just give me some time to at least brush my hair.”  
“Thank you. Just give me a call when you arrive. My doorbell is broken.”  
Once more, the younger actress sighed as she put away the phone, let her hands run over her face and slowly stood up, just let her phone stay on the floor. She would pick it up on her way out. Just very quickly, she washed her face, changed into something warmer and put on a hat so her hair wasn’t as puffy. The sun was already on the edge of the high buildings as she arrived at Beni’s apartment, just sent her a quick message so the older one let her in. Even though she was expecting an angry Shiiran, she had no idea the slightly older actress was THIS angry. Her face was deep red, she was technically running up and down the room, she was mumbling and yelling at the same time while Beni let herself fall back into one of the chairs and held her head.   
“What the hell?”, Renta mumbled and Shiiran ran past her when she walked over to Beni, made a turn and walked back towards the window. Just then she saw the slight tears the older woman had in her eyes. She turned her attention back to Kurenai Red. “What is it?”  
“Something about Miyacchi. I still couldn’t understand her.” The leader looked up to her and watched as Renta sat down beside her. Yellow was still feeling dizzy and her way through the cold didn’t make it any better. “Do you have any idea…?”  
“As far as I know, Miyacchi is with Mikkii tomorrow… today… what day is it?”  
The leader looked at her in surprised, raised one eyebrow and laid her hands on the table. She noticed how intense the older woman was looking at her, yet the younger one refused to look at her properly. She knew that she had deep rings under her eyes, that her eyes were blunt and everything but shining, that she was pale and looked ill. She didn’t want to hear any of it.  
“You need to get some sleep, girl.”  
“I was about to until you called me over.”  
“You said you were awake. So? Do you know what all of this is about? What does it have to do with Mikkii?”  
Shiiran suddenly stood across the table, slammed her hands on it and made the two other actresses flinch back in shock.   
“I tell you what is wrong about this!”, Kurenai Blue started screaming, much clearer than before. “Everything! Everything about this is wrong! Miyacchi being with…” She made some gesture and seemed as if she had trouble saying Kurenai Green’s name properly. “…with HER! Her out of all people!”  
Beni just sighed.  
“Calm your voice. I have neighbors you know?”  
“And why do you care all of the sudden?” Renta couldn’t hide the slight anger in her voice. Maybe it was due to her being tired, but she couldn’t hide her emotions quite as well as she usually could. “You agreed to that bet and by what I can tell, Miyacchi is winning.”  
“Because I already blew the bet, that’s why! Every time I told her to stop, we stopped and she never looked at another again! Miyacchi is mine and now she’s running off with someone else!”  
Renta noticed the tone of Shiiran’s voice changing while she continued to scream at her, stared right into her eyes and noticed the tears rising inside them. In some way she could relate. Beni leaned back, tapped her finger on the table and crossed her legs.

It shouldn’t have come this far. Beni tried to think of some way to save this whole situation, however whatever she thought of always seemed too surreal to actually make it come true. Neither Mikkii nor Miyacchi had a reason to separate from one another and that broke Shiiran’s and Renta’s neck. From what she understood from earlier, Shiiran too had no guts to just tell Miyacchi how she felt about her. Why did they always make things so complicated? She knew the AzuRuri-pair long enough to know that they never had needed any words to express how they felt towards each other, but why did it change? The only thing she could think of was Miyacchi’s little talk with Teru. She still couldn’t tell if and what Mikkii added to Teru’s story, however she could imagine that it was the reason why Miyacchi wanted to hear Shiiran say ‘I love you’ so badly. She just couldn’t tell why it had to be Mikkii, why she used the younger actress to make Shiiran jealous. She had so many people to choose from, so why Mikkii? Beni was still worried that the youngest member actually developed feelings for Kurenai Black just to get disappointed again. She didn’t want the story to repeat itself, couldn’t bear having her friend crying in her arms once again until she fell asleep, to see her broken for days and weeks after. Why wasn’t Teru doing anything? She did say she would give Mikkii a visit and actually the leader hoped that they would sort things out. However that didn’t seem to be the case. She sighed once more.  
“Fine. Then how about we take action ourselves?”  
“What?”, Renta asked, looked over to her while Shiiran fell emotionlessly into one of the chairs. The older of the two finally decided to shut up. “What are you talking about?”  
Beni grinned and looked over to Kurenai Yellow, leaned on the table and threw a gaze over to Blue.  
“We just need to show them that they are not meant for each other. However the two of you need to change your attitude.” She pointed her finger on Shiiran. “You need to finally get your temper under control and tell her that you want her to stay with you…” She pointed on Renta. “…and you need to finally come out of the fucking closet and tell Mikkii you love her.”  
“I knew it!”, Shiiran blurred out and Renta blushed while she angrily looked at the older woman.  
“Sh-shut up! You never told Miyacchi either!”  
Renta gained a slap on her upper arm while Beni kicked Shiiran’s leg. The two women whined in pain and stopped the argument before it even started.  
“Stop it the two of you.” Beni gave a serious look to the two before she crossed her fingers on the table. “We need to plan this out carefully but quickly. I’m afraid they become more and more attached to one another if we don’t act. And to be honest, I can’t watch the two of you making idiots out of yourselves if you go on drooling and staring at them each time you have the possibility to. So… what do we know?”  
Beni leaned her head on her hand while she continued tapping the table with one of her fingernails.  
“They are with one another today”, Renta started. “and yesterday Mikkii asked if she could come over sometime. I told her she could come tomorrow.”  
“Well that’s a start. The earlier, the better…”  
Shiiran interrupted before Beni had the chance to talk any further, however she still had that angered voice that made her appear like she was about to spit out some venom.  
“The only thing that I know is that precious Mikkii seems to like lingerie and highheels.”  
The leader was about to answer, yet stopped just as she inhaled. The idea that popped up in her head was… bizarre, strange and yet it was somehow… interesting. She couldn’t tell how it was with Miyacchi, but she was sure that they just had to show Mikkii that it wasn’t just about being with someone one liked. It was always about so much more. The message was always about love. They just had to deliver it with the right atmosphere. She looked over to Renta, stared at her for a few seconds. If Mikkii wouldn’t listen to reasoning, than they had to improvise. They were actresses after all and knowing Shiiran’s temper, she wouldn’t be the one to worry about.  
“This… might actually work…”  
Renta leaned back in surprise.  
“What might work?”  
Beni grinned widely.  
“We’ll go shopping, Renta.”

It was already around midday when Miyacchi finally decided to arrive, a bag on her back and smiling widely. Time and time again Mikkii noticed how pretty the other woman was, if not beautiful. With her huge eyes and when she was all made up she was more of a lady than an Otokoyaku. However when she asked about what the older woman had in her bag, she refused to show, making the young actress even more curious.   
“Let's eat something first, okay? I'm starving.”  
As if it was only natural, Miyacchi made her way through her apartment, went into the kitchen and threw her bag in one of the corners where she could still see it. Mikkii guessed she did it so she would peek inside. The younger woman was dressed up in a suit like Miyacchi had asked her to while the older one still looked like she just fell out of her bed.   
“And why exactly did you want me to wear that suit again? I felt more like a wide sweater this morning.”  
“Oh come on. Don't pretend you don't want to wear it. You're hot in it.” Miyacchi opened one of the cupboards, growled when she was not able to reach the rice in the back. Mikkii grinned widely.  
“Just because of that? Do I get something in return?”  
“I thought of something, so don't worry. You'll be rewarded.”  
The older woman sighed and crawled on the work top, making Mikkii automatically look a bit more downward. This woman had an amazing figure, even under these clothes. She just hoped this wasn't the reward. She hoped for more.  
“I can't wait for it.”  
She walked over to the other woman when she got down, smiling at the rice in her hands and Mikkii looped her arms around the others waist, pulling her close and leaning her head on her shoulder. She liked the warm body under her hands. Not so much the woman herself as she found out, but the whole feeling. She liked Miyacchi, liked her a lot, just not this much. The other woman let out a silent, enjoying sigh as she let her hand slip under the sweater, teasing the warm skin of her belly and breathing against her neck.  
“I'm... still hungry”, she murmured and Mikkii grinned once more.   
“Fine. But I have things planned, too, you know?”  
“May I ask what?”  
“You'll find out in time.” She put her hands on the taller woman's butt and squeezed it softly while Miyacchi let out a slight moan. “Make your food. I'll turn on the TV in the meantime.”

“Oh no. No. No, no, no. No way. Nu-uh. I'll go home.”  
“Come on Renta. It will be fun. It’s for a good cause.”  
“I'm not going in there.”  
“I'm not so quite sure what you want in there, Beni, but as long as I don't have to wear any of this, it's okay.”  
“Don't stab my back, Shiiran!”  
“Now don't make a fuss about it. It's the only way I can think of. So come on.”  
She couldn't really resist when Beni and Shiiran pushed and pulled her inside that shop. She regretted agreeing to Beni's idea of  
'shopping'. Renta felt her cheeks becoming hot as they walked through the shop, their leader being really enthusiastically looking around, Shiiran more or less sceptical looking through the clothes. Kurenai Yellow simply pulled her scarf up over her nose to at least try to hide her face. This was embarrassing. She wouldn't mind if Beni wouldn't have made it so clear that this was for her.  
“What size do you have?” Beni's head went up from somewhere in the middle of the shop and Renta felt as if the whole world was watching her. This was way worse than being on stage.  
“That's none of your business”, she simply mumbled and tried sneaking out again, however Shiiran stood beside her and pulled her back.  
“Don't be such a pussy”, she said and pulled her behind her.  
“Shiiran let me go!”  
“It's just for your own good. Maybe that beats some confidence into you.”  
The two of them stopped in front of Beni, who held up two pieces.  
“I think those are nice. But what about the color?”  
Shiiran walked up to her, took a look at both pieces and also Renta took a look at it from a distance while burying her hands in her pockets, her scarf still over her nose even though she knew it could not hide her red face.  
“I think the blue one is prettier”, Kurenai Blue answered and took the one Beni had in her left hand while said woman hang back the other piece. It was actually pretty, however the thought of having to wear it scared her. Then again, it was for Mikkii, right? And it was just another role she was about to play, just a way to jump her shadow. She sighed on the inside, squeezed her eyes shut for a second, knowing she would regret the decision to play along for the moment.  
“The other one”, Renta mumbled inside her scarf. “I think Mikkii would like the other one more.”  
Beni and Shiiran both looked at their friend while Kurenai Yellow stared on the floor. She only heard Shiiran exchanging the pieces.

Even though it was just a snack, Miyacchi couldn't hold back in teasing her partner here and there, making 'dinner' end early in the process. However Mikkii cursed the other woman when she suddenly pulled back, left her on the couch and told her to wait a while. She tried to peek over the couch and take a look inside the kitchen, yet Miyacchi only went there to put away her bowl and to take her bag with her into the bathroom where she still was. While she was there, doing whatever it was she was doing, Mikkii stayed on the couch, tried to guess what this surprise was Miyacchi had come up with and mindlessly zapping through the TV-program. She couldn't deny that she was still hot. It had been some time, even if not long, since the two of them spent more than a few hours together. Once in a while she craved for attention that much that she just pushed the older woman against the next-best wall and at least snatch a kiss from her. Miyacchi didn't seem to mind. She even flirted with her in front of everyone else, gave her some gazes and Mikkii could read the hunger in her eyes. As cute as she could be, there was an animal sleeping behind those huge, innocent eyes.   
When she heard the door click, Mikkii turned on her spot, awaited the other woman to finally come out of the bathroom. She did and it made her jaw almost drop on the floor. With slowly waving hips, Miyacchi walked over to the entrance of the room, leaned herself against the doorframe and playing with one of the long brown locks of her wig. The silken, short bathrobe stuck to her skin, framed her and because it was just long enough to hide whatever she had under there, it made her legs appear even longer while her foot stuck in those beautiful highheels she already got used to. Also that wig that she must have gotten from the Revue somehow made her look even more like a lady than that impressing make-up she put on.  
“Like it?”, Miyacchi asked in a seductive, purring voice. It took Mikkii all her might to close her mouth and nod. “Then don't be so shy. I'm waiting for you to get over here.”  
The younger one gulped and sat straight on the sofa, stared at the still running TV. Could she make this so easy for the other woman? She had to say it was pretty hot and all she could think about was having the warm body under her hands on the spot, however ever since this between them started, Mikkii always had been the dominant part. Much to Miyacchi's surprise.   
“What is it?”, she heard the other woman say as she walked around the couch, stopped in front of her. “Don't tell me you changed your mind.”  
“No I didn't”, Mikkii whispered, took a closer look at the other woman. She could only guess what she had under there since the silk didn't really reveal much, however more than enough. She reached forward, pulled the belt around the older one's hips and opening the bathrobe in the process. Miyacchi worked with her and let it fall over her shoulders, revealing some lingerie she knew. Mikkii grinned.   
“I wondered already when you're going to put these on.”  
“I just waited for the right moment.” Miyacchi let her fingertip run over her face. “And? Are you coming or what?”  
The younger woman grinned and let her hands run up Miyacchi's legs, let her fingers run over the edge of the deep red panties. They had some black flowers painted on them and the bra matched perfectly, making the others body appear even more elegant than before. Mikkii pressed a soft kiss on the older one’s belly before looking up to her.  
“I'll be right there. Go ahead.”  
“Why not join me immediately?”  
“I told you I got something for you. I just need to get it real quickly. I want it to be a surprise.”  
  
“I can’t believe I let you two do this.”  
Renta couldn’t tell how long she was forced to stay in this shop, but somehow and sometime she made it out of there. Not without buying this cursed thing however. Yet not only did Shiiran and Beni more or less talk her into it, they also forced her to put it on as soon as they were back. Kurenai Yellow stayed inside the bathroom as she did, embarrassed to come out. The two older women didn’t mind and came in instead.  
“I have to say, you look pretty hot in this, Renta”, Shiiran said and the younger woman could feel Blue undressing her mentally.  
“She’s right. If Mikkii doesn’t like that, I’ll lose all hopes for her.”  
Renta buried her face between her fingers, squeezed shut her eyes and bit her tongue. The two of them would regret this but then again, what if this actually worked? She only dared to look into the mirror once and had to admit it looked pretty good on her. Before the older women had the possibility to stare even more at her, she grabbed the red, fluffy bathrobe that hang at the door, threw it over her body and pulled it close. Only then she was able to look at the other women again, still with deep red cheeks.  
“I think you need a new haircolor”, Beni suddenly said and grinned widely. “I think I got some blonde in here somewhere.”  
Their leader started to search her cabinets while Shiiran got close to her and pulled back a few strands of her hair. Renta only took a step back. She was still uncomfortable with the older woman touching her after what she did that night even though she had promised to stay friends with her. Shiiran noticed, had a slight sad look in her eyes and Yellow felt regretting her reaction immediately.  
“I… I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to think of this”, she whispered and Beni walked out the bathroom. Moments later, they heard the older woman in the living-room, searching her cupboards. Shiiran threw a quick gaze over to the door before turning to her once again.  
“Renta you don’t need to do this”, she said silently. “I think Beni exaggerates a bit, but no one forces you to do anything.”  
“It’s not about this.”  
“Then what is it about?”  
Renta stayed silent for a second, stared on the floor and felt something inside her tighten.  
“What… what if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if she pushes me back? I could lose her if this is wrong.”  
Shiiran didn’t answer on the spot, however she put her hand on Renta’s cheek, pushed up her face to look at her properly.  
“That’s what I thought about Miyacchi, too. And then once, I held her close, I looked into her eyes and I knew I was doing the right thing. Just believe in the bond the two of you have. I believe you can show her how love really works.”  
She laid her hand on top of the one on her cheek, closed her eyes and gulped before she looked up into the other one’s eyes.  
“Just promise me you will tell Miyacchi you love her.”  
Shiiran only could nod silently before Beni burst in once again, a packet in her hand and her eyebrows knitted together.  
“You know what I’ve been wondering?”, the leader asked and the two women looked at her questioning. “Did Mikkii say she would come over to your house or the other way around?”  
Renta pulled closer the bathrobe, blinking slightly.  
“I… told her she should give me a call.”  
“You know that’s not how it works. If we do this, we’ll do it properly.”  
“Meaning.”  
“You will make her come over to your place. She will get suspicious if you turn up with a bag or something.”

Once again she felt the body shaking under her fingers when she found just the right spot, sucked it softly and making the other woman moan under her touch. She just loved how the older woman felt, the sounds she made and the movement, the taste and the smell. Tying her on her bed was surely one of the better ideas she had. The feeling of having control over what she did, being able to decide when she would do it and feeling how thrilled with anticipation the older one was made everything inside her tingle. The wig was already pulled of so she let her hand run through the messed up, short hair, pulled her head up a bit to place a kiss on her soft lips and let her fingertips run down her upper body. Once below her belly, she felt the other woman literally vibrating under her touch and she applied pressure on it with her whole hand, making Miyacchi shake harder and throwing her head back moaning. Mikkii grinned. She liked this teasing game and now being able to try out some of her toys made it even more exciting. However just as she inhaled to murmur some sweet words into the others ear, her phone went off on the table right beside the bed and she looked over to it. Just in the corner of her eye she noticed Miyacchi regaining a bit of her consciousness, her eyes saying something along ‘do not even dare’. Then again, the younger of the two just grinned at her, placing her finger on her lips. She had to pick it up anyways.  
“You like games. So here I have one for you: no noises while I take that call.”  
The older actress was about to protest when Mikkii already snatched the phone and pressed it against her ear, sitting up while still being between the other’s legs.  
“Hey Renta”, she said in a happy tone, smiled while she looked into Miyacchi’s eyes. They were filled with anger and lust at the same time. “What can I do for you? I didn’t expect you to call.”  
“Well… hey… I… I’m sorry. Am I disturbing?”  
“No. Not at all.”  
Mikkii let her fingertips run over the other’s exposed body while Miyacchi pulled harder on her hands, tried to get them loose from the handcuffs she had used. Those things were once a joke-present for her birthday by Shimon and she never got the opportunity to use it. They were quite sturdy as she found out. Her fingertip found one of the more sensitive buttons, pressed it slightly and made Miyacchi bite her bottom lip in order to hold back a moan. For playing so strong all the time, Kurenai Black surely was sensitive when it came to games.  
“I just…” Renta sighed slightly on the other end, however Mikkii was more into the little game and continued teasing the older woman. “I wanted to know if I should come over to your place tomorrow or if you come to mine.”  
Her fingers finally slipped between the other’s legs, felt the heat and the wetness there as well as the soft, steady vibration and making the other woman arch her back, biting her lip harder and squeeze her eyes shut. She had to admit that it was pretty fun.  
“Whatever pleases you”, she finally answered. “But why do you need to call me now for that? I thought we’ll do it as always.”  
“Well I wanted to make sure you don’t forget.” She pulled back once again and Miyacchi let herself fall on the bed, shook slightly still. “And I could prepare some dinner for us.”  
“That would be nice. What are you making?”  
She had no intention to lose that game  
.“I could get us some sushi if you’d like.”  
“I would be fine with some soup and rice.”  
Mikkii reached out for the small, violet remote that lay beside her, grinned slightly and looked at Miyacchi once again. The older woman had her eyes closed, panted and clawed the bedstead.  
“Sure. So you’ll come? What time?”  
She grinned wider, pushed up the little button and got an immediate reaction. Miyacchi moaned out loud, threw her head back and arched her back harder while burying her heels in the mattress.  
“Would around 3o’clock be alright?”  
On the other end, she heard some chairs being moved, most likely fell down and a muffled voice. Renta’s voice started shaking a bit.  
“Y-yes. I… I think so… I… uhm… I won’t disturb you any longer.”  
Without really saying goodbye, her friend hung up while Mikkii’s eyes were still fixed on the winding and squirming Miyacchi. Still a grin on her face, she put aside the phone, buried her head once more between the other’s thighs to continue where she had left off.


	12. Because it's so much more

There was no arguing in this one. She had agreed and now she had to push through it. She was still tired, her eyes showed everything of it, and she just wanted to sleep through the whole day. Yet she knew she had to do it. It was now or never. Well actually it was in a few hours or never. Sighing, she put one more clip into her hair, controlled her shirt and her make-up once more before she left the bathroom where Beni was already busy pushing stuff around her room.   
“What are you doing?”, she asked, however still stood inside the doorframe while Shiiran joined Beni in carrying the table to the other side of the room.  
“What does it look like? We redecorate your apartment.” Beni turned around, let out a whistle shortly after. “Wow Renta. You’re hot.”  
“Shut up. Would you please carry back the table? I liked the setup as it was before.” Renta buttoned up her shirt a bit more. “Why did I have to dress up already? I still have a bit of time.”  
“The earlier you’re ready, the better. I thought you will take a lot longer than that.”  
“It’s not like I had a lot to put on really.”  
Renta walked over to Beni and Shiiran, took a look around. The two of them didn’t really change much, however they turned the setup of seating area and put the table on the other end of the room. It made the whole thing look a bit bigger. It was actually rather nice. She looked over to Shiiran.  
“Why didn’t you dress up? I thought you meet with Miyacchi”, she said, yet couldn’t hide that she was still a bit smashed. Her sleep that night had been short, everything but releasing and she woke up early. Then again when she thought about what was about to happen, what she had agreed to, made the adrenalin push though her veins and made her forget her sleepiness.   
“I’ll change as soon as I’m home before I go pick her up.” The older woman peeked on her watch. “Talking about that, I’ll leave now.”  
“Fine. But don’t overreact.”  
Kurenai Blue put her hand on her shoulder, smiled softly at her.   
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll make it work. Somehow. Just be careful what you do and good luck.”  
“I know. Thank you.”  
She knew what those words meant and Renta had been nervous about that all along. One false step and she could lose everything she had worked so hard for. At least when it came to Mikkii and Shiiran knew that as well. Kurenai Yellow watched as the older woman left the apartment, told her goodbye and even managed to put on a smile. Beni however seemed busy with the kitchen and Renta decided to follow her. As much as she liked the older woman and as much as she respected her, it was better for her sake to follow her every step while she was in her place.  
“What are you searching for?”  
“Nothing in particular. I just didn’t want to see the two of you flirting.”  
Renta raised her eyebrow, tilted her head and crossed her arms.  
“We weren’t flirting.”  
“That’s what you think. Shiiran may is in love with Miyacchi but that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t flirt with you.”  
“You always interpret too much into things. We’re just friends.”  
“I hope so.” Beni looked at her. Her eyes had that very rare shine inside of them, strict and yet caring. She sighed and put the bag of rice she had pulled out of one of the cabinets on the working table. “This is all I can do for you. Don’t blow it again, Ren. This may is your last chance and I’m not there to hold your hand this time.”  
“Beni…”  
“I won’t be at home today and not available until tomorrow. But I expect you to tell me how it worked out.”  
“You don’t need to play the guard for Mikkii.”  
“I simply care for her.”  
“I’m not Teru.”  
Beni became quiet, stared on the bag of rice for a few seconds before turning her head towards her, watching her carefully. She needed no words in order to see what the older woman thought about, however she gridded her teeth seeing the fear in the other’s eyes. Beni walked over to her, stopped right in front of her and looked into her eyes.  
“I’ll leave you alone then. I don’t care what you do, Renta, but fix it. I rely on you.”  
  
“Don’t you want to get up already?”  
“No~. Just a few more minutes.”  
She yawned and stretched her legs a bit. Miyacchi still felt tired and way too lazy to get up. Not to mention she hardly felt her legs and about everything from her shoulders downward felt like pudding. She really had to think about playing games with Mikkii next time or at least she had to switch the roles. Not that it hadn’t been good, awesome and stunning, but she felt the marks all over her body, again, and she wasn’t so sure if she was able to walk. Shiiran would surely kill her once she found out. Then again, her friend never really cared for what she was doing if she was doing something like that. She never cared for the marks on her body, no matter how deep they were, for the scratches on her back or if she was able to walk properly or not. Miyacchi opened her eyes just a bit, stared on the opposite wall. Her head was still buried in the fluffy pillow and she was still covered by the deep green sheet. She didn’t really want to get up, didn’t want to take a look into the mirror. She knew what her body would look like. After what Mikkii did with her that night, her body had to look like she was raped. Her wrists still hurt a bit from the handcuffs, the marks as well if she dared to move. She turned her head when she heard Mikkii leave the room, mumbling something about breakfast. Moaning, Miyacchi sat up as soon as she heard the door shut, felt the pain running through her lower regions and her arms refusing to hold her upper body up, so she leaned against the wall in the back. All this just to get some cursed words out of Shiiran. Mikkii and Miyacchi both knew that their ‘relationship’ couldn’t last, yet they still stuck together for… well what for actually? Just for the sex? This couldn’t be the base for anything, could it? Then again, they trusted each other, Mikkii placed everything into her and yet she didn’t seem to care when Miyacchi confessed to her that she was doing this for Shiiran. That and against her own boredom. Being with the younger woman was thrilling and new, so different from what she was used to. Then again, all she wanted was Shiiran to finally say what she knew for ages, no matter how fun it was to be with Mikkii. “It’s just about being with someone you like, isn’t it?”, the younger woman said just a short time ago. “I feel comfortable around you and I like you. So I will stick around you until you get what you want.”  
Quite a strange way to live life, she thought. Especially when there was Renta who was always around Mikkii, trying desperately to get her attention. Everyone seemed to notice except Kurenai Green herself. Well whatever. For the moment, she was fine with the way it was now. Slowly she slipped her naked body out of bed, tried a few times to stand up before she finally was able to stand properly and snatched the short bathrobe she had left on a chair. Even slower she limped her way out of the bedroom, past the kitchen where she found Mikkii perfectly dressed up at the table and having some breakfast. As soon as the younger woman caught her eyes, she grinned.  
“Are you alright?”, she asked with a shameless tone in her voice.  
“Sure. Aside from my whole body not wanting to work as I want it to, that is. I swear I stop playing games with you if that continues to happen.”  
“It’s not my fault if Renta decides to call in the middle of the night.”  
“It was evening. And she has nothing to do with you being rough.”  
“Oh come on. Admit it. You liked it. I can tell.”  
The grin the other woman had on her face made Miyacchi blush and she pulled close the bathrobe. Slowly she sat down beside Mikkii, held back a whimper and squeezed one eye shut. She heard the younger one laugh.  
“D-don’t laugh. That’s all your fault, you know.”  
“I know.” She pushed over one of the cups that stood in front of her. Miyacchi accepted and took a sip from the tea that was inside. The two of them spent so much time together lately that it was to no surprise that the tea was just perfect. “And? What are you doing today?”  
She took another sip from her tea, rubbed her eyes and pulled back some hair.  
“Shiiran wanted to pick me up later. Or… come over? I don’t really remember. Whatever.” She yawned. “And you meet up with Renta?”  
“Yes. I wonder what she wants.”  
“Why?”  
Mikkii looked on her breakfast, rolled her chopsticks between her fingers.  
“Well… Renta never called me before when I wanted to come over. At least not after I got to know her better. That was the first time for… years.”  
Miyacchi only sighed once more. For a second she thought about just telling the younger woman how her close friend felt for the younger actress. However she wasn’t going to take the work out of Renta’s hands. No matter how much she liked Mikkii, no matter how much she wanted the younger woman to be happy with her life, if she didn’t see what was right in front of her eyes, she wasn’t helping. Whatever.  
“Don’t think too hard about it. You will be fine.” Miyacchi stretched. “I’ll just take a shower and then I’ll be on my way. Do I see you tomorrow?”  
Mikkii smiled at her. Once again she noticed that the other woman was kind of cute and she had a charming aura around her when she was like that. It also made it easy for her to understand why Renta was so fond of her. If it wasn’t for Shiiran, she surely would have fallen for her. In some way she did, just not in a romantic way. Her heart was taken by her long time classmate and friend.  
“Sure. Just tell me when you want to come over.” It was strange, really. Ever since Mikkii was once at her place, she always agreed to spend the day, and the night for that matter, at the younger woman’s place. She was fine with it. Yet she stared into her cup without answering. “Miyacchi? What’s wrong?”  
“You changed”, she answered after a few moments of silence. “I mean… You changed from your first impression I had of you.”  
“Maybe I’m just not like I pretend to be.”  
“Then can I ask you a question?”  
“… Is it the same one you have been asking me for ages?”  
“…”  
Mikkii sighed, leaned back while the older woman stayed silent. She knew how uncomfortable the younger actress was with this specific question but again and again she hoped to get an answer.  
“No”, Kurenai Green finally answered and Miyacchi’s hopes were lost once more. However she looked up as the younger one inhaled once more, started speaking more slowly. “I… I never did. I never talked to her. I never tried. I never dared. I avoid her at any cost.”  
The older woman looked at Mikkii more intensely while getting reminded why she started spending so much time with her. Mikkii never had told her the whole story about her and Teru, refused to talk about anything personal. That was unless Miyacchi had agreed to spend a night with her. She was somehow more easily to handle and it was easier to get closer to her when she was still somewhat tired, when she got what she wanted. For short: it was easier to get information out of her when they had sex. Kurenai Black guessed that her fellow member saw it as repayment for spending the night with her even though her heart was clearly taken by someone else.   
“You know you have to talk to her at some point.”  
“No I don’t.”  
“But it still bothers you. It’s not right that it still makes you cry after such a long time.”  
Mikkii slammed her hand on the table and raised her voice, making Miyacchi jump a bit from her seat.  
“I told you I got over it. And of course I get sad if you remind me every few days.”  
“Fine. Fine. Calm down. I’m sorry, okay? No need to get angry at me.” She sighed then got up from her chair. “I’ll get dressed.”

 

Shiiran was somewhere between nervous, angry and scared when she sat in her car just outside Miyacchi’s apartment and waited for her friend to finally come home. She couldn’t tell how long she had waited, yet she still was in the same clothes as she was in when she left Renta’s place. The idea Beni had come up with was a complete failure. At least as far as she could tell. Renta lacked the spine to push through it, even though it was Mikkii who was involved. But what could she do? All that was left to her was convincing Miyacchi not to meet up with Kurenai Green again. She knew that her friend was just doing so to push Shiiran into one specific direction, however Kurenai Blue knew exactly that the demand her friend made was just too much for her. She still couldn’t understand what changed their relationship. All this time, all this years, they were just fine by being with one another, sometimes get some other woman to spend the night with just to spice up their own relationship a little. Yet they always came back to one another. Not this time. Shiiran felt as if she was losing her classmate, everything they had shared. Just because of this cursed words she was unable to express how she felt. She feared that, if she was saying these words out loud, even more would change. Shiiran hated change. A variation was okay once in a while, but not a complete change of life.   
She looked up just a bit when she noticed her friend’s figure walking down the street, slightly yawning and obviously limping, walking up to her door and searching for her keys. Shiiran could tell that she kept them in the inner right pocket of her jacket, yet Miyacchi herself always forgot about that. Then again, Kurenai Blue didn’t raise her head from the wheel, let her arms rested on it. Could she just go up to her, just scream it into her face and leave again? Just for the sake of doing it and for giving Miyacchi what she demanded to badly? How could she? It wasn’t her style, so she just watched as her friend finally found her keys in her inside pocket, got inside without even noticing her. Even from the distance Shiiran saw the deep marks that were peeking out from under her friend’s scarf and she felt her anger rise up again. When Renta called the evening before, had her phone turned loud and when she heard Miyacchi moan in the background, she almost had lost it, throwing down the chair in the process. Beni hardly managed to hold her back, covered her mouth so she wouldn’t yell out loudly. She still couldn’t believe that Mikkii had the guts to do something like screwing another person’s girlfriend while talking casually on the phone. She sighed, let herself fall back and closed her eyes for a second, let her head fall into her neck. She still was unsure what to do, however she knew she had to convince Miyacchi to stop meeting their fellow Kurenai-member. That girl wasn’t doing her any good. Slowly Kurenai Blue stepped out of her car, locked it as slowly as possible as if she could avoid talking to her friend forever, walked up to her door, kicked a stone while she was doing so. Maybe she could just go away and talk to her another time? But what if Renta was chickening out? She didn’t have any choice. Growling slightly, she pushed the doorbell and after a few seconds that seemed endless, it opened. Shiiran made her way through the stretching hallway, slowly, buried her hands in her pockets and entered her friend’s apartment, threw the door shut with her foot and threw her shoes aside.   
“I expected you later”, Miyacchi called from out of the kitchen. Kurenai Blue looked around. Her shoes were not placed properly on the side like usual, her bag was somewhere between living- and bedroom, her jacket over one of the chairs. Obviously she had something better to do than to tidy up or she didn’t expect her to arrive so soon.  
“I was just in the area, so I stopped by.”  
Shiiran walked over to the entrance of the kitchen, leaned against the doorframe and watched her friend putting on some water to make some tea. Miyacchi didn’t even bother to turn.  
“And? Did you finally come down.”  
“No.”  
“Then you can leave again.”  
“Do you expect me to just forget that Mikkii fucked you while Renta was calling her? Of course I get angry at that.”  
She watched as the other woman blushed slightly, looked down a bit more and bit the bottom of her lip. Kurenai Black still had on the clothes Shiiran had last seen her with, or again for that matter, yet she didn’t even bother to put on the scarf again. The mark on her neck almost looked as if she was raped. The deep blue color had some green around it, some black spots covering the blue.   
“It’s not like you were asked to call.”  
“Was it fun at least?” Shiiran’s voice was cold and she clawed her upper arms as a growl left her lips. “Whatever Tenju did to you surely was so much better than everything I ever did.”  
Finally the other woman decided to look at her, gave her a slight growl. For a few moments Shiiran actually believed Black was going to stay silent, yet she raised her voice instead.  
“If you must know: yes. It was amazing. But I seem to have missed the point where you fucking care.” She slammed the kitchen towel on the floor. “If you came just to get angry with me and to act like you own me, then you can go. I’m not in need for any of this.” Shiiran bit her tongue. She didn’t really want to make it look like that. “So? Do you have anything more to say to me?”  
  
Miyacchi watched Shiiran in silence, stared at her while she clawed her upper arms and stared on the floor. Still she couldn’t understand why this was so hard for the other woman. Saying ‘I love you’ without having no one else around, saying it with a serious tone and actually meaning it. It’s the one thing Shiiran was never able to no matter how hard Miyacchi always longed for it. However when Mikkii told the story about her and Teru, it had flipped a switch. She didn’t want Shiiran to just use her as a toy and no matter how loved she felt, there was something different. She started doubting the other’s motives. Kurenai Green was the first person Shiiran ever reacted to when it came to sleeping with another woman aside her. The AzuRuri-combo was famous for not being monogamous, however the way Shiiran just didn’t care at all made her doubt the feelings the other might have for her. And still she couldn’t get anything out of the other, so she sighed once again.  
“Fine”, she started. “I expect you to leave as soon as I’m done changing.”  
She walked past the other woman, walked into her bedroom and finally got rid of the shirt. It smelled a bit and stuck uncomfortably to her skin. She had to take a shower shortly. She threw aside her pants, her panties, the bra she still had on for some reason, let her hand run through her short hair. It surely was enough for the next few days. Her bones hurt, she felt disgusting somehow since she was not able to wash down the sweat that had dried on her skin and she wasn’t really the sex-type anyway. Miyacchi opened the wardrobe, pushed aside a few of her shirts and jackets and pulled out another fluffy bathrobe, a deep blue one, she threw over her exposed skin.   
“And I thought you weren’t the type for rough sex.”  
Black didn’t even turn, just pulled the bathrobe closer while blushing slightly. She knew how deep the marks on her body actually were.  
“And I thought I told you to leave.”  
Shiiran decided to ignore her statement.  
“I don’t really get it, you know. Why the sudden change? Did I become so boring to you?”  
Miyacchi turned on her spot, however stayed silent. She couldn’t tell that she feared that the story would turn out as it did between Teru and Mikkii.   
“I never said that.”  
“Then why?”  
“I have my reasons, okay? But I assure you, you’re not boring. You never were.”  
“I just don’t understand why you stick with Mikkii. I can tell that you don’t like what she does to you.”  
“I never said that either. It’s just… here and there she goes a bit over the top.”  
Shiiran walked up to her, looked at her with sad and slightly tired eyes. It had been a long time since she had seen her friend like that. Slowly she raised her hand, lay it on Shiiran’s cheek and stroke it softly, saw her eyes filling with tears.  
“I don’t want things to change”, Azu whispered and closing her eyes. “I don’t want you to leave.”  
“All I want you to tell me is that you love me. What would that change?”  
“If it doesn’t change anything, why do you want me to say it so badly?”  
“Because you never did. I just want to be sure that what I feel is real.”  
Miyacchi gasped when Shiiran suddenly pulled her closer, held her tightly in her arms. She could her the other’s breath racing.  
“The thing is that ‘I love you’ wouldn’t do it, Miyacchi. I feel so much more. You’re everything to me. AzuRuri forever, remember?”  
  
It felt quite good to finally spend some time with her close friend again, however Mikkii felt that something was different that day. Renta always had been easy to read or at least her mood was. Something was bothering her, she just couldn’t put her finger on what it was. It was just the way she acted, the way they talked to one another.  Yet Mikkii had to say that Renta looked just gorgeous. She had black trousers and a deep violet shirt, the one the younger of the two liked so much, cute violet socks with a small heart on them, a silver necklace and an even silver earring on one ear. She also had died her hair bright blonde, pinned it back on one side all the way and revealing the earring even more. She could be mistaken, but she might also had seen a green strap of a bra shining through the shirt. However the two of them ended up beside each other, watching a Tsukigumi performance together. It had Shimon in it and the two friends started making jokes about that. Inevitably, they came up with the subject of Shimon being in a relationship with Asumi Rio, someone Miyacchi and Shiiran went to class with.  
“…and the more they got drunk, the more they snuggled up. They are so cute together”, Renta said and laughed a bit. The only light they had in the apartment was the small lamp Kurenai Yellow had beside her couch and the sun sent its last rays of light through the windows. Renta had to clean these sometime.   
“Sounds like you’re jealous.”  
“No I’m not.” Renta blushed and Mikkii grinned a bit wider. “I don’t even know Asumi. But I have to say, she is really pretty.”  
Mikkii leaned back, took a sip of her tea and put it aside, still had a smile on her lips and looked over to Yellow. She could say that the older woman was pretty as well, yet she didn’t. She didn’t want Renta to think that she was hitting on her.  
“Talking about Shimon: is she still picking on you?”  
The older woman raised her eyebrow.  
“Why should she do that?”  
“You still didn’t tell anyone who you got a crush on. Or did you finally tell her?” Renta stared on her hands that she put in her lap. “If you did and didn’t tell me, then I’m so mad at you.”  
A few moments of silence followed and Mikkii leaned forward, tried to catch her friend’s eyes to read what was going on in her mind. She couldn’t. Renta looked away when she noticed the younger actress in the corner of her eye and the darkness that was slowly spreading through the apartment made it even harder.   
“No… no I still didn’t tell her”, Renta finally answered in a husky, whispering voice. “I didn’t have the guts to yet.”  
Mikkii reached out to pull away a few of the blonde strains of hair, hoping to at least get a glimpse of Renta’s mind.  
“You still didn’t tell me who it is yet.”  
Yellow looked shyly at her, went silent before she put on a small smile and got up from her seat.  
“I’ll go get some dessert”, she suddenly said with a lot more enthusiasm than before. “I got some of these small cakes you like so much.”  
Without even looking at her, the older woman rushed out of the living room into the dark kitchen. Shortly after, a soft ray of light came through the hallway. Mikkii just sat there in surprise, knitted her eyebrows at her friend’s sudden change of mood. Something smelled fishy here and it wasn’t the sushi they had before. Slowly and silently the young woman got up, sneaked through the dark room and stopped just in front of the doorframe and looked at the older actress searching for something inside the fridge.   
“Renta?”  
“I’ll be right there.”  
“I just want to…”  
“Just give me a minute.”  
“Would you listen to me?”  
“I know I put them in here.”  
Green growled slightly, quickly stepped over to Renta and closed the fridge in front of her nose. It left the two women in complete darkness.  
“I’m talking to you!” She saw the other’s shining eyes through the darkness. “What’s wrong with you? You’re so…” She didn’t know how to put it, gulped slightly and made a gesture as if it would help her to get some words out. “So… strange. I hope that makeover is not permanent.”  
Slightly hurt, Renta stared at her before walking past her, out of the kitchen, however her footsteps stopped just seconds later. Mikkii decided to follow her, slowly and scared that she might have seriously hurt her friend’s feelings. It was always strange when she was with Renta, when it was just the two of them. Mikkii felt so much lighter and sometimes this made things slip her tongue that she would never say if a third person was with them. However this feeling she had around the older woman made her regret her missing control of words immediately. She stepped outside the dark hallway, saw Renta’s silhouette leaning against the doorframe that led into the living room. Slowly she came closer.  
“Renta? I… I’m sorry. I’m just not used to this.”  
Yellow lowered her head just far enough so she could notice turned and watched the younger woman in the corner of her eye.  
“No it’s okay. All of this was a stupid idea anyways.”  
“Your makeover? Why?”  
“Beni thought it was a good idea if I try out a new hair color and get some new clothes.”  
Mikkii came a bit closer so she could understand her friend’s whispering voice.  
“Why would you agree to this? You know Beni’s ideas are usually exorbitant.”  
“I… thought I might be able to be pretty sometimes.”  
The younger actress tilted her head in surprise, grabbed her friend’s shoulder and made her turn around. Renta avoided her by looking at the floor once again.  
“Where is that coming from? You usually don’t care for what others think about your style.”  
“I… I just… I…”  
“Besides”, Mikkii fell into the other woman’s sentence, cupped her cheek with one hand and smiled softly at her. “you’re beautiful. So why change that?”  
She met Renta’s eyes once again, saw them filling with tears and her smile faded.  
“Then why are you still with Miyacchi? I don’t get it.”  
“What does Miyacchi have to do with anything?”  
Once again, Yellow fell into silence, carefully brushed off Mikkii’s hand with her own and looked to her side. She was trembling just a bit and Green watched her carefully. She had never seen her friend like that before.  
“I told Beni I can’t do it”, Renta finally started, squeezed her eyes shut. “I’m really just a fucking coward.”  
At first, the younger woman thought about comforting Renta so that she wouldn’t start crying, however when Beni’s name fell, she felt something stiffen inside of her. Beni’s idea?  
“Aside from me not approving from you calling yourself coward, what does Beni have to do with anything? What did she want you to do?”  
  
Renta felt everything inside her tightening. Why her mind decided to take such a sharp turn just made her regret everything. She knew how much Mikkii despised other people interfering with anything she did as soon as it became private and yet it just came out of her mouth before she had the possibility to hold it back. Only slowly she managed to raise her gaze once more, met the judging eyes of the younger woman.  
“Stop you from meeting Miyacchi”, she finally whispered, her voice failing her once again. “At least for the sex-thing the two of you have going on. The two of you don’t belong together.”  
“I don’t see how this is your business.” Mikkii’s voice became sharp and somewhat aggressive. It made Renta flinch back and she crossed her arms in front of her body. It was still hard to look at the other woman. “And how did you intend to talk me out of it.”  
“I wasn’t supposed to talk.”  
“And? What to do instead?”  
Yellow knew that there was no turning back anymore. No matter what she would say, Mikkii would be mad with her, so she decided to stick with the truth. Slowly she started buttoning down her shirt, felt the other’s eyes sticking on her while she was unable to look up. When she was done, she revealed the dark green, silken underwear Beni and Shiiran chose for her. She didn’t dare looking up, yet interrupted the other woman before she got the chance to start talking.  
“I was supposed to seduce you. I was supposed to make you have a bad conscience in front of Miyacchi. But… but I can’t.” She felt tears rolling over her cheeks. “I’m not that type of person. I can’t just go on pretending that it’s a game like Miyacchi always does. I know I’m not like her. I’m not that cocky or smart or charming or beautiful. I’m not…”  
She stopped as Mikkii laid her hands on her cheeks and Renta felt herself sobbing. The younger woman looked into her eyes, stroke a few of the tears away with her thumb and shaking her head slightly in disbelieve.  
“Why would you want to be like her?”  
“Because she gets to stay with you. Because you let her touch you in the way I want to.” The words basically fell out of her mouth and even though the voice in the back of her head begged her and screamed at her to stop, she just went on. “I’m so fucking jealous that she gets to spend every spare second you have with her. That you steal those kisses from her.” The hands left her cheeks as she went on, interrupting Mikkii again as she tried to say something. “And don’t tell me you don’t! I saw the two of you in the changing room. I saw the marks Miyacchi had after the break. I see her barely walking straight after you were with her. Damn, if you two are in a relationship, why don’t you make it less obvious?”  
Renta didn’t even notice that she almost screamed at the other woman who got smaller on the spot.  
“I… we don’t… We’re not dating.”  
Yellow inhaled once more, became even louder than before.  
“Then why do you make me suffer under it?! I’m the one who was there for you for the past years. I’m the one who pulls up the sheets over you to make sure you’re not cold. It’s me who watches over you the whole night to make sure you don’t have nightmares! And I’m the one who holds you close when you’re sad! You don’t even know how much I feel for you, how heavy my heart is when you look at someone else! So what makes her special?!”   
Renta breathed heavily, looked at Mikkii’s surprised face. The tears felt cold on her hot cheeks and her whole body shook until her body collapsed against the doorframe and she squeezed her eyes shut before she covered her face with her hands. It was, more or less, out and she almost expected Mikkii to leave. There was no way she could be sure the other felt anything similar to her, anything that went beyond friendship. She expected the younger woman to run past her, run back to Miyacchi and let her have what Renta craved for so badly. However instead she felt the soft hands at her own once again, felt them getting pulled away. Yet she could only withstand the other’s eyes for split seconds before turning her head away once again.  
“You… would go through all this? For me?”, Mikkii whispered softly. Only shyly the older woman nodded, finally searched for the other’s eyes in the darkness once more. They seemed to shine even brighter through the curtain of her tears and the light that shone behind her. The hands gripped her own tighter. “But… why? I… I don’t get it.”  
Renta raised Mikkii’s arms, laid them around her own neck before putting hers around the younger woman’s waist, pulling and holding her close. Feeling the warmth on her skin made her close her eyes. She felt tired, exhausted even.  
“Because I love you.”  
She held the other woman close, let her head rest against her own and closed her eyes for a moment. The silence that lay around them was only cut by her own, somewhat loud breathing and Renta felt the body shaking under her hands until a few wet drops dripped on her collarbone. She pulled back once more to look at the other woman. Some single tears rolled over her smooth cheeks, shimmered as the dripped from her jawbone like diamonds. She brushed them away with the back of her fingers while Mikkii clawed her shoulders.  
“Renta?”  
“Hm?”  
“Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you’re not pretty. You’re beautiful just the way you are.”  
The corners of her mouth slowly curled up a little and also the younger woman shyly smiled at her. Maybe it was her way of saying ‘I do, too’? She couldn’t tell but she took her chances. Timid, almost scared she leaned forward, closed her eyes as her lips brushed against Mikkii’s before she pulled the younger woman into the kiss she always had dreamed of. Her fingers brushed over the soft skin of the other’s cheek while her breath was taken, felt the body vibrating under her fingers while deepening the kiss she quickly got addicted to. The back of her hand brushed the tips of Mikkii’s hair, her hand made its way down over the back of her neck, just brushed the other one’s throat as she put the hand on her shoulder.   
More quickly than she could react, Mikkii broke away from her, shaking hard and ran past her with a pale face. She only heard the door being slammed shut as she was frozen in her place.


	13. It's the third message

She had no idea what came over her. One moment she felt so nice, comfortable, protected, free, safe and warm. Hearing Renta say ‘I love you’ made everything inside her jump, made her heart skip a beat and suddenly she felt herself craving for the other’s touch even more than she always had, longing for her lips and her arms around her body. Then it suddenly felt too comfortable, too tight, it became too hard to breathe, is if the other’s soft hands on her neck would crush her throat and slit open her chest to take out her heart. It was frightening, felt ill and… familiar. Panic rose inside her, her muscles were tightening and before she knew, she pushed the other woman back, ran past her. Her mind was set on getting away, fleeing the scene and was possessed by fear until she finally blacked out.  
When her consciousness came back, she was running down the streets, her feet and actually her whole body wet, the rain dripping down the tips of her hair, over her face and joining the tears that ran over her cheeks. Still heavily breathing, her hands clawing the palms painfully, she looked around. She felt hot and cold, breathing hurt her throat and she couldn’t feel her feet. She was in some sort of park. The dirt stuck to her socks and the tips of her trousers. Mikkii knew where she was. However despite how cold she was, no matter how uncomfortable the wet clothes stuck to her body, she let herself fall on a bench with her head down and squeezed her eyes shut, tried catching her breath. What the hell happened? Her mind was going in circles, tried finding out what made her snap like that. This familiar feeling that had risen inside of her, that made everything inside her tingle, the warmth she felt under her hands.  
 _Who do you even think you are?!  
_ “Stop it…”, she whimpered.  
 _Did you actually think anything serious would develop out of this?  
_ “Just… please… I didn’t want this to happen.”  
 _Don’t be foolish. You’re just an underclassman.  
_ “I said stop it!”, she screamed while her upper body fell forward. Mikkii squeezed her eyes shut, sobbed and shook under the force the memory had on her. “Stop haunting my dreams.”  
She slammed her hands in front of her face, cried harder and felt the hot tears falling through her fingers. She thought this was all behind her, yet it seemed it was not. The image that Teru had left in her life was still there, haunting her like a ghost. But why with Renta? Why not with Miyacchi? It would have been so much easier to bear than hurting her best friend by running away like a scared little child. Slowly her sobs faded, even though it was still hard to breathe through her stuffed nose, her eyes were tired and swollen and her whole body shaking. She forced herself to get up, stumbled her way over the sharp stones until she finally reached the complex she lived in. The road was empty aside from very few people making their way hastily over the street, their head down and not paying attention to the woman that was falling over the sidewalk. The door seemed to be so much heavier when she forced it open, the weight of her clothes slowing her down and leaving a trail of water behind her. Climbing the stairs would be even more difficult. She looked up.  
“I can’t do that”, she whispered to herself, fell on the stairs and decided to just sit on the lowest one, letting her hands run through her hair once again. “Why can’t I make anything work out?”  
“Mikkii?” The young woman only noticed the voice the second time it was calling for her, still stared down on the floor. “Hey, darling. What is wrong?”  
When she finally managed to raise her gaze just a bit, she looked right into the caring, dark eyes of the nice lady that lived just below her. The woman was somewhat like her grandmother. Caring and always nice. Mikkii forced on a smile.  
“I… I had a rough day…”  
“You need some tea dear. Your friend is already here as well.”  
Friend? Did Renta follow her? She couldn’t tell if she was already strong enough to talk to her again after she fled the scene in such a dramatic way. The lady helped her stand up and once again Mikkii felt her body being way heavier and way more exhausted than she remembered it to be.  
“I’ll bring her upstairs if that would be alright.”  
That voice. Mikkii felt herself stiffen again and she looked up. The oh so familiar face of Teru stood right in the doorframe of the door that led to the old lady’s apartment. The way taller woman walked over to the two of them and the younger actress was unable to say a word while staring at her. Her ears became dull when Teru supported her and she heard the Lady calling out for them. How could this be? Her legs failed her when Teru made her enter her apartment with the spare key the Lady had given her, fell back against the wall behind her, slid down and looked up at the other woman who quickly kneeled in front of her.  
  
Actually, she didn’t expect anything like this to happen. When Teru finally jumped her shadow and sent Mikkii a message that simply said ‘We need to talk’, she didn’t get any reply at all. Because of that, she decided to take her chances and went over to the younger woman’s apartment. There, however, she just ran into the old lady that she already knew from last time. She had recognized her, told her that Mikkii wasn’t in that moment and invited her to a cup of tea in order to wait for her. She didn’t have anything to loose and a chat lightened her mood quite a bit. She intended to leave as it became dark, however wanted to wait until the rain stopped or at least got less heavy before she did so. Yet the dull sound in the hallway made her look up. The lady quickly hurried outside and when she heard Mikkii’s voice, she immediately felt alerted, hurried outside to join the two women. Mikkii seemed… somewhat off. As if her mind was away. Teru had seen her like this once before.  
Yet taking the young woman upstairs after requesting the spare key was way more difficult than she imagined. Mikkii didn’t really help her by walking and it resulted in Teru dragging her into her apartment instead. There she let the other woman lean against the wall. She was wet to her bones, the raindrops still dripping of her hair and her beautiful face. Without getting out of her boots, she locked the door, just in case, and took the key with her when she went to the bathroom to search for a towel. She needed to open a few cabinets. Mikkii redecorated from the last time she was here, yet she found a large one in one of them, opened it up and couldn’t help but smile. It was a fluffy, violet one with a small bear stitched on the side. Some things never change. Teru rushed back through the small apartment, saw Mikkii pulling the doorknob in order to somehow get it open, yet failed in doing so and whimpering silently. She did lock the door and all.  
“Mikkii”, she said out loudly, waited for the other to turn around, however when she noticed Teru standing behind her she only tried to pull the door harder. “Come on. Calm down. I just want to talk to you. We need to dry you first.”  
“Let me out.”  
Her voice almost died as she pulled the door once more so hard that Teru feared that she would rip it out of its angles.  
“You’re not going anywhere.” She got closer and grabbed Mikkii’s wrists with the towel in her hands, wrapped it around the others body. As expected, the younger woman started trashing and crying out in her arms, however Teru already knew she was the stronger of the two, pulled her even closer and pressed her arms against her body to prevent the younger woman to hurt either her or herself. She felt the slim body shaking heavily under her hold, forced her to stay in place. “I’m not trying to hurt you. Calm down.”  
“Let me go already!”  
“You’re out of your mind.” She pulled on the others body, dragged and halfway carried her through the hallway into the living room. She was just glad that Mikkii didn’t scream. Instead the younger woman started crying and shaking hardly, lost balance and her legs seemed to refuse working properly. Somehow Teru managed to turn the other woman around without throwing off the towel, without getting injured by her and without the younger actress falling and hurting herself. Instead she held the slim body close, leaned to her ear and pressed her against her body. “There’s nothing here to harm you. I just want to help. I assure you that I won’t hurt you. I’m not going to scream at you.”  
That seemed to have somehow triggered it. Mikkii’s body suddenly collapsed into her arms, the young woman started sobbing even harder and Teru had a hard time holding her up. Instead she sat down on the couch, let the younger woman sit on her lap and her head rest against her shoulder. The clothes immediately became wet, yet the older one held her close, held the towel around her and stroke her back to somehow soothe her. It could have been only minutes or it could have been hours, but at some point the sobs finally faded and she wasn’t shaking as hard any more. Teru just wasn’t sure if the other one calmed down, passed out or just fell asleep on the spot. She only had heard about people passing out from too much stress but better make sure she didn’t.  
“Do you feel any better?”, she asked silently, however no response. Panicking slightly, she moved to take a look at the younger woman’s face.  
“Why did you come?”, the younger actress whispered breathless without looking at her.  
What to answer to that? That Beni had sent her to sort things out?  
“I needed to talk to you.”  
“You always had a bad timing…”  
“I know. But will you listen to me?”  
The younger one pushed away her hand as Teru tried to pull away a lost strand of hair.  
“You already told me quite clearly what you think about me. Why don’t you leave me alone?”  
“Because I was told that you are still not over it.” Mikkii finally looked up and Teru met her red, swollen and still tear filled eyes. Doubt lay inside them, however the question was clear without being spoken out loudly. Teru sighed. “Beni. She called me.”  
“So she is behind this again. Sometimes she’s so…”  
Mikkii growled softly and pushed herself off of her lap on her side, pulled the towel closer around her body.  
“I know”, Teru sighed. “But she really cares for you. And I don’t want you to suffer either.”  
“Strange. Last time I checked you told me you don’t care for me at all.”  
The older woman couldn’t get around to notice the slightly angry tone of her cracked voice. Not that she was miffed about that.  
“I… have my reasons why I did that.”  
“You’re a liar.”  
“I’m not.”  
“Then why did you do it? You… you…” Her voice broke into another sob and Mikkii buried her face between her fingers. “You just used me, knowing that I felt so much for you. Why would you do that?”  
Teru lowered her gaze, looked on the hands she had in her lap.  
“Because I didn’t thought it could have such an impact on your life. I thought… I hoped you would simply hate me and go on.”  
In the corner of her eye, she could see Mikkii look at her. She could basically feel how the others eyes busted her.  
“You’re not answering my question, Teru.”  
She sighed, let her hand run through her hair. She had avoided this conversation for such a long time, but now there was no way of getting around it.  
“I wasn’t doing this for me. I just wanted the best for you and that didn’t include me.”  
“What the hell are you talking about?”  
“I did fall for you, Mikkii. I really did. I will tell you the whole story though you have to listen to me. And most importantly: you have to believe me.” Teru looked over to the younger woman. “I’m not making this up.”  
Mikkii nodded softly, still having this look inside her eyes that made it hard to find out what she was thinking. Teru sighed once again, leaned back and tried to find the right words.  
  
 _It actually started way before I was invited to that one show Juri has. A few times during rehearsals, there was that girl that just caught my eyes. I always saw her hanging out with the younger actresses and I eventually figured she was one of them. The way she moved, her smile and the mistakes she made during rehearsals simply made her adorable. She reminded me somehow of another person I know very well. Before I knew, I found myself talking to her one time or another, rehears with her and sit beside her and making jokes of the other actresses. She was fun to talk to however I didn’t have the guts to ask her out. She would have simply said no. I was told she wasn’t the type to care for deeper emotions than friendship and wasn’t interested in romances. I believed the rumors and held back with my somehow naturally flirty aura. I know people like that about me but sometimes it really gets annoying. It got me into trouble so many times. When I find myself liking someone, I somehow tend to send out the wrong vibes if I’m not forcefully holding it back. One day, Beni caught her staring at her while she would practice singing with a few girls from the ensemble._  
 _“What the hell are you doing?”, she hissed over to me. “Don’t you have enough already?”_  
 _“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, I simply answered without taking my eyes off of her. She was gorgeous._  
 _“Was your breakup with Kitarou so bad that you have to stare after every girl that passes by you?”_  
 _“No.” I turned to face her and I couldn’t help but put on a slight smile. “I’m only staring after her.”_  
 _Beni didn’t believe me at first. I can only guess she watched me after I told her that and sometimes I could see her smile in the corner of my eye when I started talking to the girl again. Well our ‘talks’ were only random chats, nothing in particular, like the kind of talks about weather when you have no idea what to talk about but want to avoid the awkward silence. I had no idea what to talk about anyway. I never had any problems with flirting, giving explicit hints and be straight about what I wanted, yet it somehow bothered me thinking about being with her this way. I didn’t want her to think that this was just for a night. I wanted to somehow tell her that what I felt was somewhat romantic. Being very bad with this, I remembered why my last relationship ended so badly._  
 _One day however, I got a notice that I was invited to this show, even more, that I was allowed to take to guests from my troupe with me. I decided to go for her and Beni. When I told her, the three of us talked for quite some time and eventually we started to set up a plan for the day we were invited over. We decided to have breakfast in the morning, go get ready, get to the show and have dinner at her place in the evening. I was nervous and it somehow had triggered something inside. I wanted to know so much more about her, asked her about her private life, what she liked, what she hated, if she had pets, and at some point I even asked her for relationships. Beni interfered at that point, making us stop the chatting and get ready. I could hardly take my eyes off her that day. Before the show, Beni and I were alone in the changing room._  
 _“Are you absolutely sure with this?”_  
 _I know that Beni was somewhat caring for the younger actresses despite being quite young herself. She liked having the role of big sister. Still I was unsure how to answer._  
 _“No I’m not”, I answered, sighed and looked at Beni once again. “But give me a chance. I really want this to work out.”_  
 _“And how do you plan to do this?”_  
 _“With no one else around. That’s why I would like you to leave me alone with her this evening.”_  
 _“You’re crazy, Teru”, she said and shook her head. She stared long into my eyes before letting her shoulders fall down. “Fine. But be careful what you’re doing. She’s not like Kitarou.”_  
 _“I know.”_  
 _Getting Beni’s approving, I still don’t know why I let myself get schooled by a younger actress so much, was somewhat thrilling and gave me even more confidence. Drunken with how well the day went so far, I couldn’t stop myself from following her, flirting even more. I found myself quite comfortable with the way her skin felt, the way her laugh rang in my ears and the way she smelled. Beni kept her promise. In the evening, she left when we were asked for some tea. Our eyes met once and I knew what she was thinking back then. ‘Don’t blow it’. Alone in the living room, I could hear my heart pounding so I got up to make some air. I stopped in front of some pictures, very cute ones, when she came back into the room and sat down on a chair._  
 _“You really love your classmates, don’t you?”, I asked without stopping to look at the pictures. I was actually focused on one that showed her with another person that was not her classmate._  
 _“I do. But I love all of Hoshigumi as well. They feel like… family to me.”_  
 _“Family?”_  
 _I turned around, watched her back as she poured in the tea into the cups she had placed in front of her._  
 _“Family. They are so kind and I know I can feel safe with them.”_  
 _I wondered what she was referring to. Was she feeling comfortable with me as well? After all, I stood in her back and she couldn’t see me at all, so she had to be fine with me being with her, hadn’t she? Maybe she could get anything out of her._  
 _“And here I thought that you were the shyest person I ever met. You never let it come through that they mean so much to you.”_  
 _“They really do. I would do so much for each of them.”_  
 _I gulped. Hearing those words felt so strange and they somehow touched me. There may was more to her than I first thought. However I couldn’t get behind what she meant by that. Was she really just fixed on Hoshigumi, her friends and who she thought was her family or was she actually talking about me as a person as well? She either couldn’t get what I was pointing at or I just failed to notice the hind in her words. I decided to take my chances, walked up behind her and lay my arms on the backrest, leaned over her. She tilted her head back in order to look at me. Her eyes were beautiful._  
 _“You mean to tell me that they are all equal to you?”_  
 _She didn’t answer immediately, seemed to think about her next words._  
 _“Well… ye-… Why…” She blushed. “Why are you asking?”_  
 _It was then or never. I felt everything inside me stiffen._  
 _“I thought maybe someone means more to you than a friend.” I hoped it would be me. “Like… I don’t know.” I knew very well. “A lover maybe?”_  
 _Her blush became stronger and she stared on the tea in front of her, held the cup tightly. I thought it was going to burst under the pressure she put it under._  
 _“I don’t think so. Not in a romantic way.” I think my heart skipped a beat then and somehow I felt sad. Yet the tone of her voice, the silent, shaking undertone made me question if she meant what she said. I couldn’t quite believe her. I know that the young actresses are scolded if they dare to get a little closer to one another than permitted, yet the older they got, the more easily it became for them to hide it. Maybe she didn’t learn yet what it meant to be in love. “Why do you want to know that?”_  
 _I don’t know what got into me that moment. I wanted to be romantic. I wanted to say it’s alright to like someone._  
 _“It doesn’t need to be romantic. It’s just about being with somebody you like. Someone you’re drawn to and who makes your heart beat faster.” Someone you could be in love with. I was already past the point in my life where I believed in all the fluffy romance, where I knew about the passion that love brought with it and that this was so much better. I couldn’t stop my fingers from touching her, making her look at me once again._  
 _“Relax”, I whispered, felt her shaking and nervous under my hands. I wasn’t sure about what I did was right, but I wanted to show her what I knew, showing her about what was true. “Let me make you feel good.”_  
 _And I swear that I blacked out that very second our lips met. Yet I remember this night very well. I remember how sweet she was, how nervous and how innocent, how much she changed during the night as we grew more comfortable with each other. I awoke with her in my arms, had my nose buried in her soft hair for ages and inhaled everything from her. I felt so free and so good like I hardly did before. At some point however, I noticed the clock and I yawned slightly. I remembered that I hadn’t brought anything with me, nothing to change into and the clock screamed at me to get up. I couldn’t show up in that sweaty shirt, I was missing a button there by the way, and the same pants again. Also I couldn’t ask her for something to change into. Her clothes never would fit me. Carefully I got up, put her head on the pillow I just had mine rested on and got dressed into my old clothes. I still had time to drive home, change and arrive to rehearsals just in time. She was still deep asleep however and I couldn’t bring myself to just wake her up. Instead I watched her with a slight smile, stroke her hair and her cheek before I somehow set the timer of her clock so she wouldn’t be late either. I left a note._  
 _Sometimes during rehearsals, my eyes would meet hers and we smiled a bit at one another. She was so sweet and thinking back at the night before made me all tingly. I swore I saw Beni roll her eyes at one point. Aside from that, the day was like any other at first. No one else noticed that I behaved a bit strange once in a while. Or so I thought. During the break, I went to see the bathroom and just as I threw some water in my face, the door clicked behind me and I turned to see another familiar face._  
 _“What is this between you and Mikkii?”_  
 _At first I thought that it was really straight forward and I raised my eyebrow. I wasn’t used to this angry voice._  
 _“I don’t see how this concerns you.”_  
 _“I guess it does.” Before I was able to say anything, I was interrupted once again. “I know about what happened between you and Kitarou.”_  
 _“… How did you…”_  
 _“Who hasn’t?” She walked up to me. “Whatever this is you’re doing, I will not let you drag Mikkii into this! She’s not your toy!”_  
 _“What makes you think that?”_  
 _I can’t tell why the smaller woman was so out of her mind but I decided to give her a chance. It wasn’t her concern what I was doing and why I was doing it. However she started to lose it and screamed at me._  
 _“Everyone knows about your little games with other people’s hearts! Everyone always sees you flirting with other people! But I won’t let her be part of that.”_  
 _“And what if I’m not playing this time?”_  
 _There was no point in denying anything anymore. I was caught red handed, but I wouldn’t just give up what I just discovered that night. Her expression changed somehow._  
 _“Because… you… well…” I was told she wasn’t good at arguments, yet I had no idea she was this bad at it. “You… you just can’t have her. Just… just… please…”_  
 _That said everything I needed to know. I sighed. I really didn’t expect this to happen. But what to do at that point? I could have gone on without paying attention to her, go on as if this never happened and just think of myself. Then again, how could I? I was in this situation once. I knew what it was like to be in love with your best friend, being afraid to tell her until you finally lost her to another. No one deserved to watch this happen. But how to tell her? I knew how emotionally bonded she got to the people that were close to her. She wouldn’t believe me if I told her that I didn’t want this relationship to happen. I wanted it more than ever. The only think I could think of was to make her hate me, to separate the bond we just had created. I could somehow bare it. I did so once before. I could somehow bare telling her I just used her even though all I wanted to do was to hold her close, tell her she was just a toy when all I really wanted to do was to taste her lips. I felt something inside me break when I made up this decision. I stared at the woman in front of me and felt my eyes becoming empty._  
 _“Just one thing”, I finally said after we stood there in silence for an eternity. Her eyes had some tears inside them, but I could see what she was thinking. “Tell her you love her, Kisaragi. So I can say I’m sorry.”_  
  
“You know the rest of the story.”  
Indeed she did. Mikkii stared on the floor and clawed the towel around her body. She remembered that look in Teru’s eyes when it had been just the two of them, how she avoided looking at her at all costs while she screamed at her to leave her alone. She gulped and pulled her legs up on the couch and against her body.  
“So… it was Renta who asked you to do this?”  
She finally took the guts to look at the taller woman. She was still looking on her hands as she did the whole time. The older one barely moved during her story.  
“No.” Teru shook her head. “It was my decision to break up with you like that. I wasn’t thinking. I should have known that Renta didn’t have the guts to tell you how she felt.” She turned to face her and they looked at each other in silence. “Do you think you can forgive me one day?”  
Unsure what to answer, Kurenai Green turned to face the floor once more, pulled her legs closer to her body and sighed softly while letting her hand run through her somewhat dry hair.  
“I’m not sure. Maybe one day. Maybe I already did.” She could feel Teru’s confused gaze in her side, gulped and put her feet on the floor before turning to the older woman once again. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for breaking my heart like that. I hate you so much for playing with my feelings and your own. But…”  
“… But?”  
“But you made me realize I had the wrong idea of friendship. That there’s a reason I snapped when Renta said ‘I love you’ and what I craved for with Miyacchi.” She smiled a bit at the other woman. “I guess I still love you just a bit. But I was told that happens when you fall in love the first time.”  
Teru grabbed her own hands tighter.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Mikkii reached out, let her hand run over Teru’s cheek and made her look at her.  
“How about this: I’ll forgive you. But only if you tell Kitarou what you feel.” Teru raised her eyebrows in surprise, tilted her head. She looked a bit like a lost puppy but nodded softly. “To be honest: I’m glad you came.”  
Teru smiled at her, wider this time.  
“Let’s not avoid one another in the future, okay? I’m really tired of that.”  
“Me too.”  
Mikkii got up from her spot, threw aside the towel and walked over to one of the cupboards. She still felt her socks squishing out some water while she walked, but she neither cared nor bothered with that right now.  
“What are you doing?”, she heard Teru call out and got up from her seat.  
“I’m going to save my own relationship before it’s too late. You made me realize she needs me and that I need her as well.”


	14. It's the hidden Message

At least it stopped raining. With her head low and the umbrella pulled down, Mikkii made her way back from where she had fled from in the first place. She just hoped it wasn’t too late for everything. With her leaving so sudden, Renta surely was hurt and she was afraid to hurt her in a way that Teru broke her heart once. Teru made her change into dry clothing before she ran out, leaving the older woman behind. Her mind was set on different things than bothering with Teru anymore. She made her way upstairs, ignored the noises her heels were making and knocked loudly at the door. Knocked again. Knocked a third time. No response at all.  
“Renta”, she finally called out. She could have just gone inside. After all, she had a spare key to her friend’s apartment. Then again she didn’t want to force herself onto her if she didn’t want to. On the other hand she was afraid about what would happen if she just left the older actress to herself. She knocked again while her voice became begging. “Please open the door. I… I really need to talk to you. I’m so sorry about earlier. I don’t know what got into me.”  
No noise was heard from the inside. Mikkii laid her hand on the door, gulped slightly. She feared what waited for her inside. Renta had all reason to be incredibly mad at her and she almost expected a slap in the face. But what if she was not? If she was sad and just waited for someone to come to her. She had to just take her chances. Quickly her hand slipped inside her inside pocket, searched for the small, silver key. For some reason it suddenly became the hardest thing on earth to put said key into the lock, turn it and push open the door. There was still only the small, silver lamp turned on inside, making the room appear dark and threatening. Mikkii also almost tripped over the pair of shoes she threw over when she had ran outside.   
“Renta?”, she called out softly. The blonde was nowhere to be found so she made her way inside, closed the door behind her and looked into the hallway. Renta’s shirt lay on the floor as if the woman that was formerly inside just vanished into thin air. Carefully she picked it up, felt the soft fabric under her fingers. She had to admit the shirt was quite beautiful. Worried she looked around the dark apartment, looked into the kitchen and the bathroom first, yet found them empty. If Renta was still inside, than she surely was in the bedroom. Unsure whether or not to enter, she knocked two times before silently opening the door. The room, just as the rest of the apartment, was pitch black. Just the dull light from the lamp under the window lightened it. Mikkii closed the door behind her again as she noticed the slim figure with her back turned towards her on the floor between the bed and the window, just beside a small bed stand. The slight sob broke the silence and once more the younger one felt her heart break a little.  
“Renta”, she whispered again, yet didn’t gain a reaction. She almost tiptoed her way closer, almost ran against the bed while doing so and stopped just beside the other woman, sat down beside her and pulled close her legs. Actually she didn’t dare look at her friend, yet forced herself to do so. She was still beautiful. The light made her skin shine, the tears on her cheeks looked like diamonds and even the shadows that made her eyes even darker and gave her an aura of mystery didn’t harm her looks. Why did she never notice before? It was right in front of her eyes. Renta seemed to have caught her staring, pulled her legs closer and lay her forehead on top of her knees, put her arms around them.   
“I’m so sorry”, she heard finally. The broken and muffled voice was almost silenced by the force the older woman applied with her face and was eventually cut by another sob. “So sorry for everything.”  
Mikkii looked at the other woman. She had nothing on except the bra that Beni got her, the trousers that were obviously picked by Shiiran and some deep red socks. She slipped on her knees, pushed her body in front of Renta and pulled down the sheet to put around her friend’s naked arms. She was cold and shaking violently. Shyly she pet the blonde hair, felt the other flinching under her touch.  
“There’s no need to be sorry. If someone should apologize, it’s me”, Green whispered as she continued to pet the older woman’s head. However instead of looking up, Yellow just let her head down and clawed the fabric around her legs. Mikkii somehow tried to look at her, leaned from one side to another but Renta blocked her view. “Look at me. Please.”  
She didn’t.   
“I didn’t want you to be angry with me”, she heard instead.  
Mikkii tried catching her eyes when she thought Renta peeked through her legs and arms to look at her just to be blocked off again. Instead she sighed and grabbed the others wrists, forcefully pulled them apart.  
  
It surely had been an easy task pulling her arms away like that. Renta felt terrible, broken and most of all sad. She had no power to fight back. When Mikkii had left her, she felt like a walking dead, simply let the shirt fall to the floor after it had fallen from her shoulders in the first place, had walked into her bedroom and had fallen down on the floor before she allowed herself to start crying. Even though she didn’t expect Mikkii to come back. Hearing her voice was like hearing a ghost, something far away and she didn’t believe the younger woman was really back with her until the moment their eyes met. Even then it was still like a dream. She couldn’t really see the other one in the darkness, but recognized her silhouette, the way she moved and the shining in her eyes. Maybe she was hallucinating? She noticed the other talking to her again, but her mind couldn’t figure it out.   
“I’m not angry with you.” The tone of her voice changed into something more desperate. “I was just… freaking out. That’s all. But I…”  
Renta felt her head fall down again and another sob tearing its way through her chest.  
“I didn’t want to scare you.”  
“You don’t need to blame yourself with any of this.”  
“But I…”  
She felt the soft hands grabbing her head, forcing her to look up.  
“Renta. This is not your fault. Nothing of this. It was just my ill mind that played a trick on me.”  
“But you ran!” Renta suddenly screamed and Mikkii flinched back a little. “Just because I was so stupid. I should have… I… I should have…”  
She couldn’t find the proper words, just found herself collapsing once again against her bed, her legs fell down flat on the carpet and she buried her face under her fingers. Renta felt like she already had cried the whole night, was tired and exhausted while she was unable to tell how much time had passed. Silence followed. It was the kind of silence that seemed to go on for an eternity. All that was heard were the sound of Mikkii’s clothes when she moved paired with her own heavy and uneven breathing. With the soft touch gone, she felt even colder just as she did before. She would have done everything to be back into her embrace, to go back to the time where she could just sit on the floor, watching her sleep and sometimes feel the warm breath that escaped her when she happened to sigh while dreaming. She looked slightly between her fingers, found the others eyes and they stared at one another. Why did things have to change? She was once before in this situation where it was just the two of them, where they weren’t in Takarazuka and they were no actresses. There was always this time when they would drown in all their locked up emotion, yet the last time it had happened, Renta had decided to pull the emergency break, to turn back to being just ‘the friend’. As the friend, it was okay for her to call in the middle of the night and to spend the time just watching her back. It was okay to joke about intimate things and to curl up to her in order to find some sleep after a nightmare even though it pained her. As friend, she was okay with how hard it was to stop herself from shaking when she held the slim body in her arms, feel the breathing against her neck and the warmth on her skin. It was alright when she craved for a kiss so badly that she would lock herself in her room while hoping it would be over soon. Once more Renta closed her eyes, let her legs fall a bit down and felt how her fingers hit the carpet when she let her arms sink. She didn’t want to lose Mikkii, no matter what it took her. The thought that the other might return her feelings one day was simply gone for the moment. Back when she went to see Teru, she was so sure about confessing to her, to make her hers alone, yet she chickened out every time. She remembered very well when it was Teru and Mikkii, each sitting on one side of the room, just smiling at one another. That smile that made her heart pound and her palms become sweaty. Her surroundings had seemed to stop moving for a split second when she realized she hadn’t been the most important person for her beloved friend any more. It was back then when she finally realized how deep her feelings were and that she actually loved what she valued so much. Back that night when Mikkii came to her, crying and broken, she had held her for as long as necessary. Up to this day Renta blamed herself for all of the events. If only she hadn’t gone to Teru. If only she didn’t make it so obvious. If only she would have talked back to Beni and Shiiran. If only…  
Her hands were moved and she opened her eyes just a little bit. Mikkii came closer, made her arms move around the slim body before she placed herself between Renta’s legs and arms, leaned against her and pulled the sheet she previously put over Yellow’s arms around the two of them. Renta felt her breathing becoming more hasty, felt her heart jump right out of her chest as the younger placed her head on her shoulder.   
“You’re such an idiot, Renren”, Green whispered and pushed her body closer to her own. Renta didn’t dare moving, instead felt her body stiffen up even more. Almost automatically she put her arms tighter around the younger woman, felt frozen while doing so. Mikkii let out a slight sigh, turned in her arms so that her back rested against her chest with her head still against her shoulder. The younger actress’ fingers slipped between hers, held the cover and her hands alike. “We could have avoided all of this if you just... I thought you’re always honest with me.”  
“I am”, Renta gasped, was still distracted by the warmth and the soft tips of the hair that tickled her cheek.  
 “No you’re not. You didn’t tell me you went to see Teru.”  
Yellow gulped, bit her bottom lip. She was unable to answer immediately, however when she did, her voice was merely a whisper.  
“I never asked her to leave you.”  
“I know that. She left me because she hoped I would come to you. That you would confess. But you didn’t. How long did you keep this a secret from me?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“And how long did you intend to let it stay a secret?” Forever if necessary. But she was too afraid to say it out loud. Mikkii sighed once again, cuddled up closer to her and turned her head just a bit. “I don’t want you to hide in front of me anymore. Maybe if you came out of the closet earlier, I would have been yours way earlier.”  
Once again Renta felt her eyes filling with tears again as she was unable to respond. Earlier? How much earlier? What would have been earlier? Her mind was rushing and she was unable to keep up the speed. Slowly Mikkii turned in her arms, looked at her and put her hand on her chin.  
“What… what do you mean?”  
The corners of the younger woman’s lips twitched into a smile.  
“I was with Teru earlier. She came to me to explain herself. She said ‘As soon as she tells you that she loves you, I am able to say that I’m sorry’. Teru wanted us to be together because she saw what I was too blind for. I suppose Beni did, too. I still would like to give it a try. That is if you still want me.”  
  
Mikkii felt her whole face getting red as she was going on talking. Usually she would have been too coward to say any of this, too scared of the consequences, yet when she had talked to Teru, she had realized that there were no real consequences. Renta really wanted to be with her or else she would never have gone to see the older actress in the first place. All the time that had passed, all the time they had spent together always had pointed to this and still Mikkii had refused to see any of it. Too afraid she had been turning her back to everything she valued so much. She didn’t want to run in circles forever. Renta opened her mouth to say something, looked straight into her eyes, however nothing came out. Mikkii leaned a bit closer, shyly put her hands on the others neck and shoulder to hold herself up. She knew that the older woman would always accept her. Questioning her need for this relationship was foolish and dumb, but she just said out loudly what she thought. The grip around her tightened and she was pulled even closer.  
“I love you”, Renta whispered against her lips, held her firmly with her fingers brushing over her back. The younger woman looked up, met the dark, shining eyes once again. The promise inside of it made her shiver.   
“I think I knew it all along”, she murmured back. “I love you, too.”  
She put her hand on the back of her partner’s neck, pulled her into a soft kiss to recall the feeling she had before. There was nothing between them anymore.

                                                                                                      


End file.
